Controlling vs. Leading

_the_shape_ · 2017-06-17T18:34:15+00:00

"Gf who's currently in a different country for the Summer" - oh God, no. Just, no no no.

You can't control her, only yourself, and forget "leading" a girl from thousands of miles away, let alone one you won't be seeing in person for what? months? and one who (now) wants to scope out an amusement park with another guy (that good 'ol hypergamy DNA - it's a bitch, I tell ya)

You can 'keep' her, but time to bring her down a notch or two to plate level, and it's definitely time for you to explore doing the same (I mean, show some chick a good time at a nearby amusement park in your neck of the woods - make sure you get her to ride the D at some point, mkkay?)

Let your "gf" do her thing. Begin the emotional disconnecting process. The alternative is an emotional meltdown on your end.

Choose.

Aaren_Augustine · 2017-06-17T18:40:52+00:00

What could I have said to my gf instead?

"If you want my commitment you'll act like it."

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3pltm2/humansockpuppets_guide_to_managing_your_bitches/

Bitch management, man.

In general, you must be uncompromising whenever you punish your bitch. Remember what we’ve already established: girls look to you for cues on what’s okay. If you don’t crack down on bad behavior when it happens, a girl’s only assumption is that you are perfectly okay with whatever she’s done. Hypergamy is selfish by nature, and it shows no mercy. Tough love is the only effective response.

-drukpa-kunley- · 2017-06-17T20:48:27+00:00

Bottom line, if she wants to bang every dude in that country, there's nothing you can do about it. Acting hurt or controlling will just give her an excuse to cheat.

I would have done the pressure-flip. "Yeah, actually that's cool because there's this girl here who's boyfriend is overseas and she asked me to hang out."

Then I would crank up the dread game by actually going out and start hanging out with other girls. Then posting innocent fun pictures of me and those other girls in my social media.

And unless you're married, you should be spinning multiple plates anyway, so it wouldn't have been that big of a deal because you just start hanging out more with one of the other girls you are banging.

northern_yeti · 2017-06-17T18:48:06+00:00

Hate to break it to you, the fact that your girl is in another country is where all your problems are going to stem from. Not a whole lot you can do to stop her from doing anything with or without your permission. What you can do is provide comfort from afar to keep her happy with the hope she won't hope on the CC abroad. Piss her off or upset her, she has oodles of dick being thrown her way and alcohol is not your friend here.

Hopefully someone whose endorsed gets in here and has a better answer than I do, but...

Leading means that you're holding your frame and bringing her into it. For example, you want to take some chick out for drinks. You say something along the lines of I'm going to (insert bar) for a drink tonight around 7 for (insert event), you should join.

You're going somewhere or doing something regardless, you're extending an offer for her to come with you.

Controlling is commanding her to do XYZ and pushing her away from you. Treat them like big teenagers, they don't appreciate being told what to do even if its in their best interest. They should want to do whatever it is to be around you. The difference is all about the verbiage you're using. Using words like "let's" that suggest an idea.

If your girlfriend is with you, say something like "Let's go to the store and get some steaks to grill and after that we'll BBQ. It'll be fun." You wouldn't say, "Come to the store with me, I'm going to grill steaks later." In the back of her mind, she may subcoinciously feel negatively about it even if shes getting a juicy rib eye out of the deal.

Another way to lead is by making a girl feel like its her idea to do XYZ... "I'd really like to use my BBQ soon, its so nice out and I haven't grilled for us in awhile.".. She suggest you guys grill that day or in the near future. Boom, great idea honey. The real difference here is making her want to do something without telling her directly.

That's just a quick run down from my perspective, but you get it.

Your girl called you to ask because she was gonna do it anyway and her getting your approval is would ease her hamster. She knows what the guys up to, she knows you wouldn't like her going with the guy one on one, but calling you removes any guilt of her getting hit on all day by some dude in a foreign country. Remember... "It just kind of happened" is a very over used excuse for infidelity.

Good luck on this one, bro.

Title	Controlling vs. Leading
Author	ehrhdalfk
Upvotes	2
Comments	11
Date	June 17, 2017 6:22 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6huy2u/controlling_vs_leading/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/controlling-vs-leading.92780 https://theredarchive.com/post/92780

Comments