How do i stop VALIDATION SEEKING BEHAVIOUR?

Aaren_Augustine · 2017-10-20T10:30:28+00:00

Start caring about yourself. Stop trying to get others to do your job for you.

Which means start doing shit to make you valuable TO YOU. That allows you to be the source of your own wellbeing. Mental Point of Origin and Frame

492249 · 2017-10-20T11:16:55+00:00

Validation seeking is in large part trying to avoid criticism. I'd recommend reading WISNIFG. It teaches methods of coping with criticism.

Role play can also help a lot. It's a way to dissociate your behavior from your identity. See GLO's post on "ironic implementation".

Gerstlauer · 2017-10-20T11:33:53+00:00

I have this problem.

I think it stems from not valuing myself like I used to, after a tough year. I find myself telling everyone everything, constantly seeking approval, then by the end of the day, I get home and feel disgusted with myself. I never used to be like this, but after a breakup and my life going to shit (not proud of it, but improving) I noticed this behaviour cropping up.

You need to improve yourself in your own eyes. Get fitter. Do more with your life. Worry about how you perceive yourself. Improve whatever it is you feel deep down is lacking.

drqxx · 2017-10-20T14:25:45+00:00

Practice practice practice.

It's the same as losing weight.

STOP Shoving shit in your mouth hole. Practice eating healthy each day.

nsquared5 · 2017-10-20T13:11:57+00:00

Start by reading NMMNG. It solves exactly that problem. Take time going through the material. I suggest read not more than one chapter a week. Absorb the material and do the exercises very diligently. It will change the way you think.

Zanford · 2017-10-20T17:41:26+00:00

The best way is the same as the best way to virtually every TRP related problem - build up a stable of other chicks so you don't care too much about getting validation from any specific person (it'll also work for your boss, family, etc. but of course you don't want to be so DGAF at work that you can't hold a job.)

For speaking, practice making your voice lower and slower. Do you catch yourself raising the pitch at the end of sentences, as if every sentence is a question? Quit doing that. You just have to practice by remembering this principles when you speak, and over time your reflexes can chance.

Also, inner game. The more your physique, career etc. are on point, the more inner confidence you will have ,and that will project in your attitude. (Plus better physique makes a given action or tone of voice seem inherently less beta. If you're a huge buff dude, a soft voice comes across as trying to be a gentle giant who puts people at ease, not as a weakling.)

MattyAnon · 2017-10-20T18:55:16+00:00

Why do you need the validation of others?

Answer this and fix it in yourself.

Kill_qwheider · 2017-10-22T13:29:08+00:00

Start by shutting the fuck up. Whenever you feel yourself validation seeking, you don't allow yourself to speak for 20 minutes. When you can't use as many words, you'll learn fast how to use them more effectively.

shamy113 · 2017-10-20T16:34:09+00:00

Keep a journal and write every time ou do something needy. If you're conscious you are doing it you'll find it easier to stop. A lot of the time you only realise you've been needy after it happens.

2comment · 2017-10-23T00:39:58+00:00

Analyze your interactions and find out what triggers you seeking approval. Is it finding consensus to impress or fit in with peers? Is it because you don't know what you're doing and need guidance from a mentor/boss?

Then step from there to fix the initial problems.

Title	How do i stop VALIDATION SEEKING BEHAVIOUR?
Author	whatdidisay777
Upvotes	28
Comments	24
Date	October 20, 2017 9:08 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/77ky48/how_do_i_stop_validation_seeking_behaviour/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-stop-validation-seeking-behaviour.516 https://theredarchive.com/post/516

Comments

Practice practice practice.

STOP Shoving shit in your mouth hole. Practice eating healthy each day.