Been married 8 years, wife and I had some major ups and downs over the last year but we actually weathered the storm. Applied some general TRP and it really saved us.

Now though, I think she has been throwing comfort tests at me and I think I've been failing them because I was probably treating them like shit tests at first and then switched and lost frame.

Tonight, about to go to bed, both exhausted. She sits looking at the ceiling for awhile and huffing. Finally says, 'are you even attracted to me anymore?' Now I really am attracted to her, moreso than I've ever been, but I don't always show it and really didn't much today. The problem is that she loves it when I put her looks on a pedestal, but I don't think that helps our marriage, it makes it too one-sided.

I stayed totally calm and explained to her that I really am attracted to her but today was tough (which it was, work, etc.) I really couldn't hold frame well. Yes, I could show her I'm more attracted and give her compliments non-stop but I don't think that's what we need.

We already have sex every night, and it's great. Both of us are in great shape already. We didn't have sex tonight though, she was mad and even pulling dread on me: "if you don't appreciate how I look, I'm sure I can find someone else who will." She said it in a very sad way though, not actually mad or threatening way.

I'm just not sure what the right play is here. It's really not a shit test, because there really is no 'agree and amplify' response to give. I really wasn't showing her today that I appreciated her looks, but I can't resort to groveling (she isn't insecure about her looks, but does need tons of validation).

I think things in our marriage have been great recently, and it's possible I could be getting complacent (not giving enough reward for good behavior - she really does get done up nice most days). Anyway, need to turn this around somehow because it's a huge deal to her, not just today, but long term.