College kid here needs advice

9wrist_watch1 · 2011-11-17T10:36:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2011-11-17T11:01:50+00:00

You're putting yourself in situations that don't allow you to socialize. Your regimented schedule and seeming disapproval or inability to relate to most people around you are the things holding you back. I tell my single/virgin female friend all the time "you can't meet anyone sitting at home watching TV," and she always offers 100000 excuses about how she has work, doesn't like bars, doesn't like X person.

Be more positive, be flexible. Not because it will attract people to you, but because it will put you in positions to meet people. If there's free pizza in your hall, then go and rub elbows with people, even if you think you don't relate to them. Believe it or not, you don't have to relate to or even like people to have a good time with them. The more your interact and go out and network, even with people you don't like, the more likely you will be to meet people you DO like, including women.

Make a commitment to be available. I know it's hard sometimes, but you should also prioritize your social life, which is just as important as the gym, studying, whatever. When people ask you if you want to go out, you go out. Joining a club or intramural sports team can also help you meet people.

markrulesallnow · 2011-11-17T06:17:23+00:00

TL;DR. not the answer you were looking for, but its true.

stewsky · 2011-11-17T07:20:37+00:00

You live in a dorm, making friends will be super easy as long as you are somewhat outgoing and aren't an annoying/needy person. Join some clubs/intramural sports. Have your primary goal be making friends/acquaintances, building relationships and having fun, and then have your goal be getting a girlfriend.

Epoh · 2011-11-17T13:12:10+00:00

This sounds like my life! Outside of living in a dorm I am the exact same. Ridiculous amounts of gaming.....

Admit your fear of being social. I did and once I did i slowly began to step out of my comfort zone, and of course relapses along the way but I am improving. Figure out what environments scare you, what types of people, what type of conversation and try to place yourself in those as much as you can. Reward yourself after for taking that step. Simple classical conditioning.

Your gonna hate yourself for how awkward you are, but you will get better and your confidence and self esteem which reach highs you've never felt. I am still in tough shape, but I cannot remember feeling as good as I have when I challenge myself to push through. I'd walk around without being able to hide a smile. Hopefully the same can come to fruition for you.

nYcB01 · 2011-11-17T15:56:09+00:00

When push comes to shove you will do what it takes to break out of your shell or be at the same stage you are in currently. Right now is the time for you to be out there. You are at the right setting and location... There will be people with the same type of interest and would enjoy to do things you like to do. Just be out there and open to everything. Be the one to suggest to do something, try this and that. Introduce yourself to each other and network! That what college is for meeting people, you have your reason and excuse right there.

iznou · 2011-11-17T20:40:05+00:00

Try and fail, try and fail, try and fail, then try again.

TL;DR: haven't had a set of friends for a long time. I want to fix that. Setting: Large college campus.

Get out there and meet people.

EDIT: is it possible to have a gf w/o social proofing?

Yes.

Mouthpiece · 2011-11-17T22:34:28+00:00

Some reading and IRL experience tells me that i need social proof because frankly girls are very keen to social aspects in life.

You seem very insightful. Here's my advice for you:

You need an active social LIFE before you lock yourself into one girl or a dozen. One of the key aspects to "being the prize" is that you lead a busy, fulfilling life on your own, and you're willing to share that with the right woman or women. How do you develop a social life when it seems like you're having trouble getting friends to stick?

First, become part of something larger than yourself. College abounds with opportunities to be a part of something that's not gym/tan/laundry (or gaming). Being part of a group that's focused on some larger goal will not only introduce you to new people, it will give you some apparently much-needed practice interacting with real people in real life. It will also help boost your self-esteem a bit.

Once you've gotten out of the dorm room and gotten involved in some of the activities in your school, you'll find that you're interacting with people more. You can use your insight to do something that will make people want to be around you: be sincerely and insightfully positive about the people you meet. Figure out at least one thing that you can appreciate about a person, and even if you don't express it to them directly, it will affect the way you interact with them, in a positive way, that will improve the way they relate back to you.

Experiment with that—noticing, even if you don't expressly state it—something positive about everyone you meet, and see what that does to the way you interact with people and the way they interact with you.

(And hey, if you've got a college library, head on over there and read up on Dale Carnegie.)

Good luck.

Edited to add Dale Carnegie link.

slingingame · 2011-11-17T23:04:25+00:00

Go out to clubs on campus and just talk to people. It is small baby steps that you need to take. Talk to people in your classes, start studying with them. Then once you are 21 "going out" is the thing to do and everyone goes out to college bars.

You need to get your mind right. You are not not social, you just never made it a priority. Now that you are, you can accomplish it.

SparkleButterflyPony · 2011-11-18T04:15:58+00:00

You're overthinking it. You're in college - it will never be easier to meet people at any other time in your life. Seriously, I've made friends from just wandering up the hall, looking for people to drink with.

I get that you aren't where you want to be socially, but you aren't going to get there by sitting in your dorm room not "relating" to the people you live with. You clearly can't be picky with who you're friends with right now.

College is a blast if you're social. You meet people and make friends at every turn if you just get involved.

Frats, clubs, campus pub, dorm-activities. List goes on, brotha.

Title	College kid here needs advice
Author	9wrist_watch1
Upvotes	8
Comments	21
Date	November 17, 2011 6:15 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/mfenj/college_kid_here_needs_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/college-kid-here-needs-advice.1324991 https://theredarchive.com/post/1324991

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