Three Conversational Keys: A Discussion of Fluffing

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It’s no secret that some people are better at conversation than others. Naturals seems to be able to talk for days, while AFCs can hardly mumble out an awkward sentence or two. You can make huge leaps and bounds, though, by utilizing these three methods.

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Key Number One: Verbal mirroring.

Mirroring is a concept widely recognized as conductive to communication and rapport. Most often, it is used in reference to body language, and how two people with good rapport will mimic (mirror) changes in each others’ physically expressed emotions.

The concept is applicable to conversation, as well. The simplest usage is to mirror your counterpart in question form once they’re done talking, rather than share your perspective.

Example:

Counterpart: And then I was like, what if we just went and got sushi?

You: Just went and got sushi?

Counterpart: Blah blah, elaboration elaboration.

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Key Number Two: Change the subject.

Getting stuck on a single subject will be the grim reaper of any conversation. You’ll just bat the same ideas back in forth until the conversation dies a painful death of Yeah-s and For Sure-s. Fortunately, you don’t have to just hope that something comes up. There’s an easy, controllable method to switch conversational topics.

Simply say, “That reminds me of…” (or a variation) and then whatever’s on your mind. It’s easier than it seems, especially when you’re actively looking to find conversational tangents.

Example:

Counterpart: And then I was like, what if we just went and got sushi?

You: Haha, damn. You know what that reminds me of? This one time, I was getting sushi with this guy I know—Brad—and Brad’s all, blah blah elaboration elaboration.

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Key Number Three: Conversational Parity.

To quote Dale Carnegie, “Talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours.” There's a caveat involved, though. If you only talk about your counterpart, they will begin to think that you have nothing to talk about, or worse: that you have something to hide.

So then, you shouldn’t keep the focus of the conversation solely on them. Talk about yourself a bit. Sure, you should be keeping the conversation focused on your counterpart most of the time, but certainly not the entire time. Don’t immediately switch the conversation back to them, if it comes to you.

Example:

Counterpart: And then I was like, what if we just went and got sushi? What about you, do you like sushi?

You: Yeah, definitely. It’s probably one of my favorite foods. Second to that, though, would probably be blah blah elaboration elaboration.

One last note:

I’d like to make it clear that there is far more to conversation than just these three points. I’d be a fool to suggest otherwise. These simply seem to be the most effective tactics available, according to anecdotal evidence.

If you utilize them where you haven’t before, I can guarantee that your conversations will flow more smoothly and for more comfortable lengths of time, enabling you to end them on high points no matter when you stop.