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21yearsofhell Archive

View 6 posts and 397 comments by 21yearsofhell on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Then you should be able to afford a vasectomy… I presume you’re sure as hell telling yourself you’ll never get married again. Unless you live in a common-law marriage jurisdiction, and if you can’t get her pregnant, what’s the problem? If you’re as wealthy and successful as you say you are, and if like me on top of that you’re smart/funny/tall/not ugly/not fat, then your future is looking good.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 08:19 PM
2

May I recommend the book “Splitting” by Bill Eddy
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 09:36 AM
2

Ok, found it, and replied to Fancy_Load Again, sorry for my fat thumbs…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 01:29 PM
1

Let’s not be too US-centric, it also depends on the Country! My Divorce (thankfully now finalised after 4 3/4 years since Separation) had four possible Countries as Jurisdictions, and two possible States within the US. As for BPD, it may or may not be over diagnosed in women, but it is most certainly underreported to their romantic partners by the women who are diagnosed… my ex was fully diagnosed by two clinical psychiatrists, the diagnosis was shared with me in writing, yet she still denied it…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 01:28 PM
2

Sorry, but that was not meant to be to you, it was a reply to a comment by someone else! Fat thumb situation… Let me try to correct that!
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 01:27 PM
-1

Let’s not be too US-centric, it also depends on the Country! My Divorce (thankfully now finalised after 4 3/4 years since Separation) had four possible Countries as Jurisdictions, and two possible States within the US. As for BPD, it may or may not be over diagnosed in women, but it is most certainly underreported to their romantic partners by the women who are diagnosed… my ex was fully diagnosed by two clinical psychiatrists, the diagnosis was shared with me in writing, yet she still denied it…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 08:36 AM
3

Read “Splitting” by Bill Eddy and Randi Kreger. It’s also available as an audiobook if she might check what you’re reading… do not buy it in a shared Amazon account or similar, but do buy it, and read it ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 12:14 PM
1

And if you were the murder victim, even that wouldn’t help you get custody…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 09:24 AM
1

Same. I minimised the upfront and gave it all annually.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 09:23 AM
2

I 100% agree with you. It sounds like a nice idea to the average guy, but no. With BPD normal rules don’t apply. Most likely that would’ve backfired. Judges don’t mind the individual traits of BPD being brought up, and likewise the alcoholism, but a psychiatric diagnosis? You’d be digging your own grave. And it could even be twisted against you to argue that she doesn’t have normal earnings potential or the ability to hold down a job, and depending on your jurisdiction, you could be paying for l…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 09:21 AM
2

Not always true. You’re probably (understandably) biased by your own jurisdiction and personal experience. Maybe true where you live, but not true for me. I’m twice divorced, and any reasonable pre-nup would definitely have cost me way more, both times. But then, I’m neither a Sociopath nor a Russian, but I negotiate like a combination of the two...
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 09:16 AM
3

I hear you brother… My Ex is also diagnosed with BPD, in writing, by a pair of clinical psychiatrists. She even forwarded me the diagnosis by email at the time. She then fired her psychiatrist and threatened to sue them. This is known in the psychiatric community as being pretty much diagnostic by itself… That didn’t stop her years later from denying that she had ever been diagnosed, then when the written diagnosis came out, denying that she had ever seen it before… And of course she hid all of …
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 09:11 AM
9

Some rules I’ve learned the hard way during the years of separation and divorce- *It is never her fault even when it definitely is. *If you prove it’s her fault, she’ll show you incredible creativity and mental gymnastics that would surely have made a lot of money if she weren’t a SAHM… but instead she wastes her incredible creativity on somehow convincing herself that it’s still your fault. *Accountability is way stronger than Kryptonite. Women and accountability can’t be in the same room. Oops…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 07:32 PM
2

Oh, I must’ve been on the wrong platform. I got on the Borderline slow train, 21 year journey with lots of u-turns, wrong turns, train crashes, fires…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 07:24 PM
6

Agreed 💯
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 02:02 PM
11

Let her be lonely
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 02:52 AM
7

I have four kids too, and I’m a lot older than you . We were together 21 years (the clue is in my user name) I found love. I met her just before the second anniversary of my separation, introduced by a friend. You separated in April 2023, so any time about…. now!
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 12:03 AM
1

comments below I disagree. I have found that some women (not all) attribute causes to feelings and never reconsider. ie ♀️feelings > “facts” > narrative We all have feelings. Those feelings are never invalid or wrong. If you are sad, angry, or happy, there is nothing wrong with that feeling. It is a fact like anything else. I feel sad. The apple is red. The book was 500 pages. All those are factual statements. Agreed However, when a cause is assigned to those feelings, problems occur. I feel sad…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 04:29 PM
2

“hormonal chaos mixed with ego fuel” Nailed it 🎯 Well written, great wording, respect!
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 04:12 PM
1

♀️feelings > “facts” > narrative ♂️facts > narrative > feelings
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 09:41 PM
2

Agreed. There are two things in life you only ever wish you’d done earlier- firing a bad employee, and ending a bad relationship
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 08:55 AM
3

Agreed. There is such a thing as “too good”, and that can come back to bite you, though obviously I hope for OP’s sake that doesn’t happen. Even when you both “don’t use lawyers”, you need to use lawyers behind the scenes
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 08:30 PM
4

https://www.reddit.com/r/MapPorn/s/mUPwVWvzc0
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 11:47 PM
4

I think you mean borderline, not bipolar?..
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 10:43 PM
9

Nice to see your stbxw doing something helpful! Mine used to get very paranoid, and before we were even separated, in fact when things weren’t so bad, used to say things to me like “why don’t you just go off with a blonde Californian girl with big tits?!” So now I have. And I’m way happier. She’s great.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 01:09 PM
1

Make sure your ex can’t come after you in court asking for more 💰…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 10:00 PM
1

They asked for equality right? Give it to her with both barrels
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 09:38 PM
3

Big Qs- 1/ Whose idea was it to move? 2/ Which State is better for you from a Divorce PoV? 3/ Given you’re playing the long game, would you prepared to move back if that’ll be a better outcome? Btw, the long game is the right game, and revenge is a dish best served cold…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 08:46 PM
4

Thanks man! Yours will too, no doubt about it
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 09:13 PM
12

For the last two Christmases, the first ever where they celebrated it twice, separately with each of their two parents, my young adult kids all commented on how thoughtful the presents were that I gave them. Nothing had changed, it had always been me. They just finally realised it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 06:48 PM
2

Yes! Please do this. Do it for all the guys who’ve lost half of their houses, half of their shit. Win one back for the team!
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 06:15 PM
2

That’s a way better summary than Chat GPT could ever do
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 07:05 AM
2

Seconded “emotional tape worms", brilliant 👏
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 07:01 AM
2

Wise words 🙏
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 03:23 PM
4

4/ if she has got as much money out of her ex-husband as you mentioned, why hasn’t she hired a nanny, or at least an au pair?
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 02:12 PM
6

1/ Thank you for your insight 2/ I already told my son to never get married 3/ yes, equestrian women are sluts
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 02:03 PM
7

If you get free legal aid, use it to the max. Bury your Ex in Legal Fees. And for God’s sake, empty any Joint Accounts yesterday do she can’t fund her Legal Bills using your money against you. Ask me how I know… File a motion to go straight to court, and make it clear that your Ex filed during the Mediation process, demonstrating extreme bad faith. Judges don’t like that. Include the false accusations in your motion, Judges don’t like those either. After the first 2 or 3 false accusations and fa…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 10:49 PM
2

My experience with my ex when our son’s dog sadly had to be put down… https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/s/PQDiMUCAwe
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 02:58 PM
1

Well, it was my STBXW who was always losing or misplacing keys…. I’ve had to sell two cars with only one key and suffer a reduction in the sales price…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 10:25 PM
1

The clue is in my name…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 07:18 AM
12

“It’s always darkest just before the Dawn”
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 07:14 AM
7

I just want to make sure you’ve all had a look at r/BPDlovedones …
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 08:26 PM
2

What is it with pwbPDs and keys? 🤷🏻‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 08:25 PM
1

You’re doing it right!!
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 11:11 AM
11

I believe OP. It happens. It happened to me too. I had sex, of course. But when women asked me out, as in wanted a possible relationship, or if friends offered an introduction, I turned them down because I wasn’t ready, and I wanted to teach myself to be capable of being alone so I would never be dependent on a woman, and always be prepared to walk away from any future relationship. For the two years of required Separation before I could actually File I was in Monk Mode, working out, eating heal…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 07:54 AM
1

For me that includes my brother’s wife…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 12:31 PM
1

Sounds more like BPD to me. They often claim to have ADHD (mine did) and are given Bipolar diagnoses for Insurance reasons, in the U.S. at least. Just my $2M
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 11:20 PM
1

Wise Words
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 11:17 PM
4

Therapist: “So she had issues, and you were codependent?” Divorce_Men: “Nope, she had big tits” Therapist: “Ah, now I understand”
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 11:12 PM
3

You’re thinking about HSV, aka Herpes He’s talking about HIV
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 10:34 PM
1

To be fair, I should’ve written “talked”, since we separated 4 years ago, and I filed for divorce two years ago, as soon as the 2 years required separation were done, and 4 months after my youngest turned 18 I told my kids at the time that I didn’t intend to give them a running commentary on the divorce or talk badly of their mother, but that I would always answer any questions they wanted to ask fully and honestly. Most of the shit I’ve had to vent to friends was about my ex’s egregiously disho…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 01:16 PM
18

I talk shit about my ex to everyone, except my kids. Because it’s the truth, and I don’t care who hears it, except her kids, because they’re half her. I’m a huge man.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 08:53 PM
2

I get it. It brings a whole new tragic side to “if you know, you know”, doesn’t it?…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 04:33 PM
2

Hahahaha!! 😆 Time to go full Yakusa and commit yubitsume with a tanto?… 🔪🖕
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 02:02 PM
2

Try having a fucking tattooed wedding ring!! I’m on 8th Laser Session, it’s still visible… I time them for an hour after each court appearance or evidence deadline, I’m not a masochist, well no more than any other idiot who gets married, but I do it with no anaesthetic, it hurts, though it’s sort of cathartic.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 12:09 PM
8

Cluster B. It should be an exception clause in marriage contracts….
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 10:21 AM
2

Sounds like you may want to file rapidly…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 08:22 PM
3

I Heard you…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 10:01 AM
2

Grand Masters. I hope
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 10:27 PM
2

It was very complicated, involved five Jurisdictions, and a potential sixth. So I hired a Lawyer in each. I was playing Chess, she was playing Drafts. It sounds like you’ll need at least two Lawyers. Initially use the Lawyer(s) in the “other” jurisdiction(s) as a Devil’s Advocate, ie ask them what they would do to attack you and fuck you over if they were hired by your wife. Then strategically block any possibility of her doing that. Think like a Machiavelian Sociopath, even if that’s not how yo…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 07:15 PM
3

I was exposed to the risk of this, and I anticipated, strategised, blocked, and dealt with it. It’s a serious risk not to be underestimated. The worst as far as I can imagine would be her filing in the UK before you filed where you actually live…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 02:48 PM
2

100% Suicide is something that women threaten, and men do Same way that they accuse men of being superficial glancing at other women, whereas in reality they do it way more, and they’re projecting. They’re just better at hiding it. Likewise they create the illusion and myth that women are the romantic ones that keep the couple and family together, whereas in reality we guys all know it’s us.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 06:30 PM
3

Damn right!
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 05:30 PM
3

Also, if you drive a BMW 340i, please be careful with your user name in case it makes you identifiable on here if she’s stalking! (If you drive a 340i train, I’m sure you’re all good :)
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 05:29 PM
2

Yes. 100%. It’s the same in other countries too. This needs to change, there shouldn’t be an incentive to commit crimes without consequence or penalty. Personally I feel that it should also be possible to sue for fraud if a fiancée hides debt, a criminal record, or a psychiatric condition before marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 05:26 PM
1

So now she wants to meet and seduce your girlfriend…? (something sort of similar happened to an ex-colleague of mine)
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 05:22 PM
2

And like my Uncle always said, “never have a life assurance beneficiary who can poison your soup”
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 05:15 PM
7

I 100% agree with your statement “Mediation only worth it if the other parent is a rational and reasonable actor” The problem is that pretty much all of us on here are divorcing women… the only way we might be doing mediation with a rational and reasonable actor would be if we were gay and divorcing a guy… I’m 100% straight, but this is about the first time I’ve envied a gay friend…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 05:49 PM
3

Think of her retrospectively as a surrogate…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 08:31 PM
6

Pull out the pin, rip off the bandaid, do what you have to do. Maybe speak to your daughters first, and see what they think. My three daughters support me divorcing their mother, the eldest even said “I wouldn’t want to live with mummy either”. My son was annoyed with me for not divorcing her a decade earlier, you might be surprised. Life on the other side is fantastic, and I have no regrets, other than wishing I’d never met her, but then my four wonderful kids wouldn’t exist, so that’s the end …
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 06:25 PM
7

I can’t volunteer to Mod (full high conflict divorce battle taking all my time…) but I want to thank you for doing the Modding!!
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 08:46 AM
2

🎯 And let’s not forget Johnny Depp and Amber Heard… Personally I’m aiming for "Grey Boulder"
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 02:25 PM
2

There’s a great book called “Splitting” by Bill Eddy that deals with this. Highly recommended if you’re divorcing a Cluster B, especially a clinically diagnosed pwBPD with narcissistic tendencies. Ask me how I know… He also wrote “Dating Radar” and “5 Types of People who can ruin your Life” That are worth reading if you want to avoid getting back in a similar situation next time around. Once the divorce with their mother is over, each of my children will be receiving a copy of both of the latter…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 07:02 AM
10

The problem is, we are dumber… Until we learn the hard way. “Dumb and Dumber”
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 12:29 AM
1

That maybe sounds more like BPD than Narcissism Head on over to r/BPDlovedones and see if anything sounds familiar. If you like, post your story and see what feedback you get. Meantime, see a lawyer yesterday. I’m thinking it might be time for you to think about retiring, and moving to another State after your youngest finishes HS… Then file first so as to secure jurisdiction after whatever the appropriate wait period is.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 07:38 AM
2

That’s fair. Your decision, your consequences. Same for her I guess, I’m thinking she’s already decided she’s done with you, but who knows. In general when we all do the “flipping it around” thing in life, we often apply or project how we would think or feel onto the other person, aka “The Golden Rule”. My girlfriend sometimes does that, and it means she gets it wrong, because she doesn’t think the way I do. It’s hard to do, but in my experience it’s much more effective if you can try to work ou…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 07:24 AM
9

Flip it around. If I were dating a girl and “going out consistently for 2.5 months”, and she didn’t once mention in those ten weeks that she was previously married, that the divorce was final 1.5 years before, and then she finally dropped the “big news” (yes, it is big news at that point) then I’d drop her and move on. You don’t have to write it on your forehead the first date, but ten weeks?..
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 06:58 AM
8

I wish I’d read this in late 2022…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 07:40 PM
2

You’re going to be fine. If someone hit their dog on the nose every time it wagged its tail, the dog would pretty soon stop wagging its tail… Once the owner stopped doing that, and even gave the dog away, it would take a while before the dog felt safe enough to wag its tail again!
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 07:00 PM
5

You’d better have kept proof of all the payments you made to your first ex-wife… I know of a case very similar to yours, where the father paid informally in a friendly way, often in cash. When the children turned 18, the mother/ex launched a court case for 18 years of back child support, claiming he had never paid her. She won. He got screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 02:16 PM
1

I’m so sorry, that’s horrible… the costumes can’t be taken off, unlike floaties
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 08:14 PM
2

How old are your kids? Maybe get them each one of those swimming costumes with built-in floats. Then inform the Judge that you’ll hold them responsible if he doesn’t add a caveat to his ruling forcing your ex to have the kids wear them. There used to be a brand that were even coastguard-rated that I got for my kids years ago for boating
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 05:32 PM
1

100% ✅ And don’t use your therapist as a lawyer either!
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 04:34 PM
2

Joking aside, I’ve lived in a trailer with a plastic hot tub while driving a Camaro, and also lived in a lakefront mansion with a swimming pool while driving an Aston. Redneck/blue collar/white collar. And I’m not even American. IDGAF, whichever way. I got neck.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 09:04 AM
2

My not-soon-enough stbxw oscillated between “you’ll never find anyone like me” to “I bet you’ve been fucking a younger California blonde with big tits on your business trips” It’s amazing how they can see into your future right?!… they make their own worst fears come true
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 09:00 AM
4

Maybe she wanted full redneck!?
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 02:20 AM
13

We men don’t need to go on “healing journeys” because we play sport/ride motorbikes/road trip/fish/hunt/grill/hike/actually talk with our buddies… We don’t need to “find ourselves” or “find who we are” because we know already. We don’t need “to go to where the universe leads us” “ because we have GPS, even on our motorbikes, when we “go on a journey of growth”, and if we want, we can switch it off and go where the road leads us… There’s nothing wrong with growth though, I’d say to anyone here th…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 01:45 AM
2

2 years after Separation
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 06:46 PM
3

I came here to say something similar- hit on every hot girl in her building till you get a new girlfriend…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 06:00 PM
5

Please read the book “Splitting" It’s about divorcing Cluster Bs, including pwBPD Feel free to DM me, there’s stuff I don’t want you to say on here yet
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 05:18 PM
6

Yes, the meds are more like turning the volume down on a TV, it’s less intrusive, but the same show is still playing…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 05:16 PM
6

I was going to ask if she was blowing the judge, but just read that the judge is female… This is so so unfair. I hope you win at SC, you deserve to. Get your lawyer to freeze/block any sale of the house meantime. How old is your ex? Stay strong my brother in divorce
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 09:39 AM
1

But then again, none of us can afford the uninsured loss either….
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 07:47 PM
10

Because noone could afford the premium…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 05:35 PM
3

Get a motorbike and get out there. A bike is the answer to most problems. (I’m assuming that you’re already hitting the gym, cutting alcohol, and eating healthily)
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 08:10 PM
10

For men, Facts determine feelings For women, feelings determine facts…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 06:11 PM
1

I hear you…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 12:36 PM
7

“Even when you have nothing, they still want it all.” That’s deep…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 06:53 AM
5

Maybe head on over to r/BPDlovedones, post your story, and see if anything sounds familiar…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 08:37 PM
2

Do you own the home you moved out of? If not, fine, but if you do own it, and you don’t want to lose it, then lawyer up, and move back in while she’s away in the Philippines, change the locks, move her shit out, and file first, file hard. If she’s thinking of delaying her trip, upgrade her to Business to get her to go earlier, tell her you have expiring miles or something. It’ll be the best money you ever spent. Worth it to get her out the house on your schedule.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 10:26 AM
2

Congratulations!! I can’t wait till my Divorce is final… We’re brothers in arms vis-à-vis the miserable crazy ex. I filed four months after our youngest turned 18, so there was no custody battle, but my kids choose to spend 3X more time with me than her, so that tells you a lot. I’ll see your 11 years younger childless fiancé, and raise you 17 years younger childless fiancé! Haha jk, age doesn’t matter, happiness does.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 10:16 AM
4

If I were a Divorce Lawyer, I’d set up my Office next to the local gym! Win-Win for us divorcing guys :)
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 10:10 AM
2

Ha that’s a good one! For a while mine was “SAMIPIUTHSW”
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 06:57 PM
3

My passcode became “FuckYouBitch” the day we separated…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 05:13 PM
5

There are parts of your description of her that make me want to suggest you head on over to r/BPDlovedones and see if anything sounds familiar…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 03:17 PM
6

I found that it helped to turn off Face ID and set my iPhone password as FuckYouBitch Type that in ten times a day and you’ll soon feel better…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 07:28 AM
2

”Then I took a motorcycle ride and felt much better by time I got back home” ProDivorceTip right there I parked up my bike the month after we got married. I had it towed away to get it fixed up the month after we separated. Haven’t stopped riding since. “Motorbikes and dogs are a Man’s best friend”, most especially a guy getting divorced!
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 07:46 PM
1

Wise choice. You want her to still have something to lose if she smears you
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 09:54 PM
1

“SAMIPIUTHSW”
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 05:38 AM
1

100%
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 05:35 AM
3

I agree 100% Forgiveness is overrated, for me at least. Why on earth would I have forgiven her? I’m just totally indifferent now, and that feels perfectly appropriate.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 05:34 AM
1

Genius
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 10:43 PM
1

I haven’t taken time off from work, because I’m older, and retired, though I still have business interests and investments I need to devote attention to. However, because of the intense focus on my Divorce, I’ve taken my eye off so many other balls… for example I recently nearly missed an application deadline for building rights on four plots of land I own that would’ve cost me a fortune and pretty much ruined me, especially as I’d still have had to keep paying the b*tch. Then there was the time…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 10:37 AM
7

You should write a book on this, awesome writing
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 01:06 AM
4

Stay strong friend, that really sucks, I hope the future holds good things for you
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 11:45 AM
1

Divorce not final yet, but precedent already set in separation- I got the dog, I left her with the cat! My dog is female, so she’s a bitch that doesn’t bitch. She’s awesome. Her cat is male, and used to piss in the shoes of the males in our family, it used to drive me crazy, my son too… so any new guy my stbxw has around will need to get used to damp shoes as he leaves… we’ve all heard of “Puss in Boots”, but any guy seeing my ex to get some pussy will get piss in boots from the pussy cat!
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 09:09 AM
0

They do if you bang em hard enough…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 09:01 AM
1

As Bentley used to say, “Adequate, plus 50%”
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 10:16 PM
2

Mine thinks/claims/tells the court that I have nearly $100M I don’t She’s utterly deluded
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 07:03 AM
4

I fired an employee once. In the exit interview they said I was a bad manager. Obviously I wouldn’t believe that… and you shouldn’t believe your stbxw either!
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 10:37 PM
3

“responsibility is their krypyonite” Going to put that one on my fridge door Alongside “Accountability is only for Accountants apparently..”
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 09:42 PM
14

I’m sure that the Porsche I sold to buy a Renault Clio Trophy doesn’t give a fuck that my tastes changed. It’s still a Porsche. You are a Porsche, get out there and enjoy life, own it!
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 02:52 PM
1

🍒
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 01:13 AM
6

Except it’s not. It’s even worse than a zero-sum game. Because of the money neither of you (nor the children) get- The Divorce Lawyers’ fees The Taxman’s windfall due to new inability to plan effectively due to court decisions, and future inheritance tax inefficiency. General inefficiency of two households The Insurance Company’s profit when you’re forced to buy an annuity based on actuarial tables for an alcoholic ex with a reduced life expectancy. You know, stuff like that. So yes, it’s ridicu…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 01:09 AM
2

I bet your friend is a good man, but unfortunately his wife thought the best man was a better man… I hope he’s found a much better woman 🙏
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 10:26 PM
7

Projection…..
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 11:34 PM
4

🎯
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 01:40 AM
2

Two wheels is two wheels! And fun is fun
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 07:02 AM
1

I’ve been riding since I got a 50cc Tigercross when I was 15… it’s the true path
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 01:36 AM
1

It’s probably too late now, but you should’ve got a lawyer on the case the moment she changed those locks
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 06:59 AM
2

TBC I had to google the price of an Escort, because the only good part of my marriage long-term was the sex, never had to pay for it… so I’d got that going for me, which is nice I also realise that to be accurate I should’ve maybe included the 9 months of frequent sex before marriage, but then again I could’ve had that for free if I’d never married her… so probably correct to exclude it 😆
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 09:50 AM
16

666.) I get to ride my motorbike again. Parked it up one month after marriage. Got it towed off to be restored and serviced one month after separation. It’s a freedom machine.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 05:46 AM
8

No Comment… Well, other than, it would be an effective way to reduce the average cost per fuck over the years… still way higher than the classiest escort would’ve cost though. I mean, for each $1 million she’ll ultimately get in settlement value, for 21 years married together, with sex an average say twice a week, that’d be $456 each time. Damn. So at $1000 a pop the Judge would force me to make a $2,190,000 payment… now if I continued to fuck her for the minimum 2 years of separation, that’d am…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 05:35 AM
3

Thanks guys!!! You wait till it’s over and I can safely post all the details…. 👊
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:38 PM
9

I’m sitting here trying to visualise what you’re describing, and it made me wonder, why don’t they put another fan switch outside the shitter door? 🤔 Well, not my problem, not yours either! 😆 After trying to bankrupt me with delusional claims and failed “emergency orders”, and pretending we weren’t separated for the required two years, now, after losing in court again and again, mine has finally come around to requesting mediation. After refusing every mediation suggestion I made. For 3 1/2 year…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 12:33 AM
1

Look, it depends on your jurisdiction, but no, it matters a lot. In certain Jurisdictions if their lifestyle costs double, they get double FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. Source- my ex sued me for six figure interim maintenance…. monthly Do you want her to get a ton of money, or a metric shit tonne?…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 11:27 PM
0

🎯
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 11:19 PM
1

That big ass house and new car will cost you large if you ever end up in divorce court… Source- me ex’s maintenance payment claims
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 02:43 AM
5

And the other 1% it’s new pussy…. and they’ve decided they’re bisexual, or were always lesbian all along!
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 11:53 AM
1

Thanks for checking in! The battle rages, and the war is far from over… I will win though How are you getting on?
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 09:48 AM
2

800% higher, so 9X? Mine came in with an “Emergency” request for 25X of our base case… I’m going to win
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 10:29 PM
2

If (and it’s a big if) it stays amicable, while she’s still in a happy haze, get it signed and done. Once she hears you are moving on or dating in any way, she will flip and try to punish you irrespective of whatever she has done.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 09:14 PM
3

Of course, it’s complicated when kids are involved…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 10:40 PM
3

And if you’re with a pwBPD who does acknowledge the problem, contact the Guinness Book of Records….
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 10:39 PM
3

Also, if you haven’t already, head on over to r/BPDLovedOnes
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 10:36 PM
3

It’s sometimes a good idea to tell the court the symptoms and behaviours (alcoholism, rage, memory issues, dishonesty, manipulation, exaggeration, lack of accountability, etc) It’s nearly always a bad idea to mention her mental health diagnosis. It backfires on you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 10:34 PM
3

Buy this now, today, but as an Audiobook so she has no idea you’ve bought it, and via a platform that you’re sure she doesn’t have the password to. https://www.amazon.com/Splitting-Protecting-Borderline-Narcissistic-Personality/dp/1608820254
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 10:31 PM
4

Oh crap… you too? Divorcing a pwBPD is a Herculean task I recommend anyone doing so to read “Splitting” by Bill Eddy
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 10:30 PM
3

Luckily Davy’s hat was made of cxxnskin, not bxxver, otherwise you’d have got flagged for sexism
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 03:52 PM
3

I wonder if there are some people out there who don’t like this sub, and report us to Reddit Admin (over the heads of the sub Mods) for “hate”?
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 09:05 PM
3

Same, and I totally agree that not letting us know what we’ve allegedly done wrong is asinine, and would be seen as total banana republic behaviour if we saw it in a court of law. Same, except that I’m a Libertarian rather than a Liberal. I despise hateful abuse of any minority AND of any majority. I’m going to quote the 1789 French Constitution after their Revolution- “Liberty consists in being able to do anything that does not harm others: thus, the exercise of the natural rights of every man …
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 08:02 PM
1

I got this Message 11 days ago for a comment I made in this sub. I still don’t know what I allegedly did wrong, and now I have no way of knowing, since they deleted it… It would be helpful to know wouldn’t it? You know, so I could understand and agree and maybe avoid it in future. Or disagree and continue. But continuing because of enforced ignorance of the alleged crime or misdemeanour would just demonstrate a stupid system. NB- it looks like this has nothing to do with this Sub’s Mods. It’s fr…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 07:34 PM
1

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRcGVYYd/ She is excellent
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 08:56 PM
3

Not only did the goalposts keep moving, but they also changed shape, because apparently she was playing a different sport.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 08:25 AM
3

Well, that and the fact that men delay filing till their kids are 18, because they don’t want to lose seeing their kids, and don’t want to commit financial suicide. Meantime their wives often blow it up as soon as they find someone new, because they’re “not happy”, they know they’ll keep majority access to their kids, and the court system means they get paid for blowing up the marriage. Carrots and sticks. They work.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 08:23 AM
2

I agree, and we all needed a wake up call at some point in our journey. It’s part of the solidarity of this Reddit Brotherhood.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 05:42 PM
18

If you were my irl friend I’d do the right thing and slap you in the face and throw a bucket of cold water over your head and try to get you to wake the fuck up. And that’s exactly what your Reddit friends on here are trying to do for you. We’re in your corner. NOW, WAKE THE FUCK UP!! She’s not clueless, she’s played you. Now, accept that you’ve been SUCKER-PUNCHED, stop seeing stars and saying delusional shit to us on here, get back up on your feet, and FIGHT BACK. But stop thinking you can jus…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 09:25 AM
4

💯
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 09:25 AM
4

If you were my friend I’d do the right thing and slap you in the face and throw a bucket of cold water over your head and try to get you to wake the fuck up. And that’s exactly what your Reddit friends on here are trying to do for you. WAKE THE FUCK UP! She’s not clueless, she’s played you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 09:21 AM
2

💯
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 09:18 AM
2

💯
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 09:17 AM
3

💯
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 09:16 AM
2

That 1200 (if she actually spent it) will just go towards inflating her upcoming claim for monthly child support…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 09:16 AM
1

If it’s not too delicate a question, is your mother still in the picture? Was your father de facto cheating on your mother with your wife? If so, I feel for you both…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 05:18 PM
1

Haha yes, close that wife application, it’s faulty, full of viruses, and none of us on here should ever have installed it…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 05:17 PM
2

If she’s a diagnosed pwBPD be ready for her to play the divorce process in whatever way will annoy and stress you the most, syphon any joint accounts, make false accusations against you, lie in Court, abuse the legal system, lie to your kids about why you’re divorcing her, and the same to your family and friends. Source- I’m currently 15 months into divorcing mine, which was slightly over two years after separation. Oh, though she denies that we were separated….
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 05:10 PM
5

Ctrl-Alt-Del Time for a new life
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 05:04 PM
9

Well, that’s a twofer right there, good riddance to them both. I’m hoping you don’t have kids with her so you can go full NC.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 03:51 PM
1

Yes…. though it’s a knowledge I wish I’d been spared.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 01:10 PM
3

I 100% agree with you, because sadly I’ve also had this experience. I wish I hadn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 10:56 PM
14

The only positive experience anyone has ever had with “just a friend” is listening to Biz Markle…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 03:16 PM
2

100%
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 11:12 AM
3

Because she truly cared about you, and wanted you to get in shape and improve your health! s/
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 05:24 PM
7

AND they get to ask the Court to force you to pay their egregious legal fees that are for the sole purpose of then taking even more of what’s yours. That’s like a thief stealing your wallet then using the cash in it to buy a gun to come and rob your house too
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 06:19 AM
1

✅ ✅ ✅
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 07:16 AM
5

Reasons? “Men cheat for physical reasons, women for emotional reasons” according to a woman I trust
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 06:41 PM
2

Sorry to hear that she did that… though at least now I understand why my ex always signed up for that expensive stain-proof treatment every time we bought new furniture. I always thought she was a sucker for falling for the sales pitch, I now realise she was a genius….
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 06:05 PM
10

Personally I think that the rate of cheating may not have changed at all, it’s just become more acceptable for women to admit it, and in fact even be celebrated by their friends and society for doing it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 06:02 PM
8

“the emotional security of having a network of ‘affair friends’ who can cover for them. Women are programmed to be much more relationship and people orientated, making plans and strategies”
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 05:59 PM
9

In the research I posted, “We don’t know if more men or more women are caught cheating, on average. But it would make sense that women are better at hiding their affairs.”
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 04:38 PM
14

I don’t disagree! And neither does some of the research I posted. It carefully says “the gender gap may in part be because women are less likely to own up to cheating than men.”
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 04:36 PM
1

(And btw, and I’m not diagnosing anyone second hand on Reddit, you might want to know that hot angry alcoholics with repeat breakup cycles who cheat are not unlikely to be pwBPD. Source- my life)
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 09:40 PM
3

The first time I went for beautiful but dumb The second time for intelligent and hot So I decided to aim for personality this time. My advice for you is to go for personality, the rest will follow
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 09:37 PM
1

Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to sue her for fraud, and change your username to Law-Suit1420?!….
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 02:56 AM
8

I agree. And I would add that I think that we should be able to sue our stbxws for fraud if they come into the marriage hiding alcoholism, psychiatric histories, and a personality disorder. Marriage is a legal contract. In all other legal contracts one can sue for fraud and misrepresentation.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 02:11 AM
4

Sounds like Quiet BPD tbh, but obviously I’m not diagnosing. Head on over to r/BPDLovedOnes and post your full story and see what people say. Their response might help you better understand, and that may be the only closure you’ll ever get, but it’ll be better than what you have now. Good luck brother, stay strong
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 04:43 PM
4

https://music.apple.com/gb/album/what-is-love/371481047?i=371481063
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 12:58 PM
1

At that age they’ll all have had relationships or have friends who have. They’ll have been cheated on or seen friends get cheated on. They’ll understand, and they’ll support you. And her relationship with them is her damn problem, she should have thought about that before blowing up her relationship with you. Oh, and give her no warning, at all, just tell them.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 09:55 PM
6

Yes. Take it out. The correct expression for kids is “dick guzzling whore”
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 09:53 PM
-2

Same way that Socialists believe that “Socialism just hasn’t been tried properly yet”, while ignoring all the countries that have indeed tried, and failed…. As a side note, Divorcing wives seem to use something similar to Socialist Logic- “it works well until you run out of someone else’s money” And I don’t even consider myself right-wing!
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 03:48 AM
6

These are Wise Words.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 03:36 AM
3

Why would you give her such a massive gift? You’ll be paying plenty of child support, why give her a lump sum too?
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 03:36 PM
3

Good article And they list “Cannot admit fault for their mistakes, instead using others as scapegoats” as one of the similarities between NPD and BPD
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 06:41 AM
7

Neither do Borderlines… Also 21 years Also 2-3 apologies max
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 04:15 AM
2

Just over, or just under 10 years?… If it’s just over, this may not be a coincidence vis-à-vis alimony…. Also, I’ve heard lots of women pretend to be lesbian to get an easier divorce than if they were cheating with a man. Though some of the time it’s true of course.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 12:34 PM
3

Genius
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 06:33 AM
2

“Fuck around, paid out”
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 09:13 PM
4

Put the money in a fund for your kids’ future education instead
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 09:54 PM
1

There’s no such thing as Father Christmas There’s no such thing as the Easter Bunny There’s no such thing as an Amicable Divorce
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 09:16 PM
1

“If you think your spouse is cheating, they probably are” James Sexton, NYC Divorce Lawyer. Great Short video clip.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 09:09 AM
1

Watch this.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 06:37 AM
1

https://youtube.com/shorts/8ZeOEiopP2g?si=pjOlZ1qJNqH_uo6w
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 06:37 AM
2

You had sepsis, and she didn’t visit for 2 days?!…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 04:31 PM
2

“If I were your Wife I’d put poison in your Tea!” Nancy Astor “If I were your Husband I’d drink it” Winston Churchill (Quote most likely misattributed, but who cares)
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 04:27 PM
1

Agreed. I just wonder what the judge would say?
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 07:20 PM
2

Oh sorry, read it too fast… I misunderstood it as she’ll be 16 in 1.5 years.. still not exactly an appropriate environment for a 16 year old though…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 04:56 AM
3

Sounds like child abuse if your daughter is still 14… what would the court say?
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 06:23 PM
2

I would add, as well as making yourself marketable in the workplace over the next 15/20 years, also make yourself marketable in the dating scene in the next 1.5/2 years (after you recover from your accident)
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 05:55 PM
3

200k It seems to be the magic number
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 10:18 AM
1

“Could you clobber your meat” to the thought of being a Vagetarian? Loving the mixed metaphor :)
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 01:36 PM
1

Head on over to r/BPDLovedones and see if anything sounds familiar
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 03:33 PM
1

Was she formally diagnosed with DID?
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 03:28 PM
1

Record everything 24/7, all interactions
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 12:06 PM
1

Are you sure it’s DID? It sounds a lot like BPD. I’m not a Doctor, but I unfortunately have a lot of experience…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 12:05 PM
2

Yes, very
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 06:39 AM
1

I offered mine whatever furniture, but she’d have the costs of shipping it to her new home deducted from her settlement. She didn’t take anything yet.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 07:15 PM
-1

Maybe this suggestion is too late, but can’t you just have a friend front for you, and buy the stuff you actually still want for cheap on Facebook Marketplace?!
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 07:13 PM
4

I hear you. I didn’t right my ship, I fucking torpedoed it and let it do its best impression of that Titanic submersible…. (too soon?)
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 07:09 PM
1

I hope you lived in a small county…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 05:17 AM
2

Head on over to r/BPDLovedones Men and women there, super supportive, changed my life
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 06:18 PM
1

Yup And the meds make them worse, not better, unfortunately
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 06:17 PM
1

Those BPD women claiming to be ADHD really aren’t helping the Adderall shortage… Source- my clinically diagnosed BPD stbxw claims to have ADHD….
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 04:47 AM
2

Oh yeah!
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 03:23 PM
1

Thank you. I think the only way to get her back to the table will be to get her to realise that I’m happy to go to Court.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 11:49 PM
2

I live in three countries, so I know exactly what you’re talking about, sadly. Thanks for your comments and insight! As to your question why we stuck it out, in my case it was because my kids were still young, my stbxw is a clinically diagnosed pwBPD alcoholic, and because all the research I read said that the least bad path for my kids in this situation was to wait till they left home… no Minors means no Custody battle, and no High Conflict Divorce until they were off to University. My ex and I…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 10:32 PM
1

Start by asking divorced friends. Google high profile divorce cases maybe? Imo a cheap lawyer is a false economy. The best cost twice as much per hour, but scare their opponents and get the job done in half the hours, with a better result.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 05:25 PM
1

Edit- re my Putin comment above, here’s an update after recent events- Forget the idea of an “Amicable Divorce”, believing your ex about that is like being Yevgeny Prigozhin and believing President Putin isn’t going to blow you the fuck up and shoot you down…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 05:13 PM
1

Go see the best five lawyers in your county. Ask them each the same question you asked above. Ask each one who they would least like to be up against in court. Then go see them too. Retain the best, conflict the rest.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 05:06 PM
1

Any second home in another state?
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 05:03 PM
1

Where do you live?
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 04:55 PM
1

I hear you, similar age difference I’m guessing, hoping for a simultaneous heart attack when we’re getting it on in old age, so I’ll need to work on my cardio to make it that far given she’s very fit.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 03:00 PM
1

My new partner is a lawyer, so I would need outside advice re prenups hahaha. I’m retired with high nw, whereas she has lower nw but earns a lot, so we’d both be fine. When we met we were both like “I’m sure as hell never getting married again.” If we’re together long enough and feel that “partner” doesn’t cover it for our family and friends then we’ll announce an engagement, and leave it at that. But most of all CONGRATULATIONS!! Isn’t it great to know that THERE’S LIFE AFTER DEATH (of a marria…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 02:47 PM
3

Divorce is so unfair. Which means marriage is a bad idea.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 02:38 PM
2

Think like Machiavelli, act like a Sociopath. Her Lawyer will anyway, so you need to be at least one step ahead
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 02:34 PM
1

Would you ever get married a third time? With appropriate prenups etc etc
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 02:31 PM
2

Are you a divorce lawyer?
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 02:30 PM
2

I initiated the divorce, thanks, in part, to her BPD, alcoholism, and refusal to get the help she desperately needs. SOUNDS EERILY FAMILIAR Divorce will be final in 60 days.I WISH THAT WERE ALSO TRUE FOR ME…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 02:27 PM
3

“You can’t release someone that is no longer yours honey…”
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 07:34 PM
1

I do not disagree
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 07:29 PM
2

I’m sorry about your sister, that sucks, your cousin too… “extreme betrayal” is not an exaggeration. I’ve told my brother about my ex’s alcoholism, her BPD diagnosis, her abusive behaviour, and how badly the divorce is going. So either my brother is an idiot who has been too lazy to google “BPD relationship”, or it’s extreme betrayal.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 07:17 PM
1

Then conflict the top five and keep the best. The $1000 you spent on conflicting the other four is money extremely well spent…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 07:14 PM
1

Same thought I had. My ex is still hot for her age, but crazy and alcoholic. My brother’s wife is none of those things. We separated three years ago, and I’ve moved on, I’m with a younger saner kinder new partner for a year now, so I wouldn’t so much care if he asked me, I’d more be warning him that she will ruin his life. But he didn’t ask, so I guess maybe I’m losing a brother, and he’s gaining a nightmare.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 03:36 PM
1

F38 > M28 = 🚩
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 03:33 PM
2

Sounds like BPD…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 03:31 PM
2

Exactly…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 03:26 PM
2

I know your question was directed at Ralph, not me, but in any case mine never worked during the marriage, was theoretically a sahm, but more of a “sham sahm”, because she hired nannies and help…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 03:25 PM
2

In my case her heart was in the right place perhaps, but she needed a transplant for one with more kindness..
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 03:23 PM
1

Agreed. Which way comes to mind?
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 03:21 PM
2

It matters a lot. $10k (or $7k net or whatever) now is NOT the same as $10k later, because she’ll spend it on lawyers fees to cost him an extra $50-100k later.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 03:16 PM
1

Was that an ELO reference?!
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 03:14 PM
3

I agree with you that in the big picture Divorce is a zero-sum game, with three notable exceptions- 1/ Lawyers’ Fees mean that it’s not a zero-sum game, unless it’s a very simple case. Lawyers’ Fees go to neither of you, nor to your children and future grandchildren. Reaching a settlement rather than going to Court would make a huge difference to my kids’ inheritance. 2/ Tax paid to any government entity is also money lost to the family forever, so the structuring of a settlement matters. 3/ Unn…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 02:59 PM
1

Sī vīs pacem, para bellum Damn Right
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 02:39 PM
2

Blocking my stbxw from unlimited money from joint accounts to pay her extortionate legal bills so as to fuck me was the best move I ever made. With Court approval of course… So no, there’s NFWOE he should sign that
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 02:20 AM
3

Just paying it forward! I was where you are a couple of years ago when I found this sub, and r/BPDLovedOnes, which helped me enormously, along with attending AlAnon, for family members of alcoholics.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 02:15 AM
2

Right back at you!
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 02:13 AM
10

My Dad is dead. So is my Mother. My brother took all four of my kids out for drinks in my town four weeks ago when I was away on a business trip. I was really pleased until he invited their mother along too… he said he didn’t want to take sides. Thanks bro… it’d be great if you took sides actually… family support is perhaps overrated.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 02:11 AM
5

WE understand, WE care. My youngest is moving into her College Accommodation tomorrow morning. And her mother is settling her in… I’m 2000 miles away. I knew this would happen, so I took her and her sister there six weeks ago so she’d see her new City for the first time. It sucks not to be there tomorrow, but it would’ve sucked even more to be there with my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 02:09 AM
25

58 also, kids 19/21/23/29. I’m not grey, that’s what ToG is for! I was 55 when we separated, I filed after 2 years, we had an agreement not yet signed, but she reneged on it last week… so we’ll be back in Court. Please don’t commiserate with me. You can rebuild your life, better than it ever was. My new partner is 41, divorced, no kids, doesn’t want any either, smart, kind, professional, owns her own business, office building, house, condo, car. And she actually communicates and discusses things…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 01:28 AM
1

Yeah, I’ll lyk if the Judge ever asks me why I married an older woman
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 11:34 PM
1

Probably… and those were the same rose-tinted glasses that made it so hard to see the red flags…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 11:33 PM
3

My peak is right now, and I’m 58
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 11:31 PM
2

I had a similar experience as you in Court, except that I actually looked at her. My not soon enough stbxw also looks ten years older! A year after Separation I was told by separate friends who didn’t know each other that I looked ten years younger… and the final score is- Karma 1-0 Stbxw
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 11:30 PM
1

If she’s sleeping in the spare room, for the love of god put a lock on your room. And fit cameras everywhere. And record everything. And get yourself to the Police and a Lawyer yesterday.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 11:10 PM
10

Hit the gym, see your friends, drink less, eat better. Update your wardrobe and your hair. Move house or apartment. Learn to live alone so you’ll never be dependent on anyone ever again. Doesn’t mean you can’t be with someone else, just that you’ll never stay with them for the wrong reasons. Travel, get a new motorbike, set goals, make lists. Then get out there, and find yourself a less dumb, blonder, gorgeouser girl, hell another soulmate if you really must. I did all of the above, trust me, li…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 10:41 PM
1

Well they have “Feminist Studies” at College, so for “equality”, we need “Masculine Studies”…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 08:36 PM
4

My not soon enough stbxw is a clinically diagnosed alcoholic pwBPD. I have no idea if she was ever unfaithful, but it’s well known with Borderlines that even if you’re 95% “perfect” for them, they’ll leave for someone with the “missing” 5%, because they’re “better”, even if they don’t have the 95% you had…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 07:57 PM
1

“better”, but not really better
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 07:36 PM
3

On Sunday I put all my stbxw’s remaining clothes in a suitcase, that have been here for over three years, and gave it to my adult daughter who was visiting. She’s going to her mother’s tomorrow. Problem solved. At our primary home I had the removal guys pack it up in boxes and deliver it to her new place, whether she liked it or not. The Invoice for the delivery became very useful when it came time to prove the separation date :)
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 03:44 AM
1

Hell will freeze over before they admit that anything is ever their fault… And btw, I also stayed for the kids, since 2013….
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 01:15 AM
2

Thanks man! I’ll post the whole story on here if/when it’s all over…. It has many twists and turns…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 01:11 AM
2

Even offering to give them a boat load of money doesn’t always work. My stbxw and I agreed on a settlement that would’ve given her more than the Judge will. She reneged on it yesterday, so we’re going to Court, it’ll be a huge battle, and she’ll end up with less, but our adult children will have to see us fight, and may even be called by her as witnesses. Hard to know whether her Lawyer is prolonging it so as to “earn” more fees, or whether my not so soon stbxw is prolonging it just to punish me…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 11:17 PM
3

“Y’all gotta toe the camel toe line..” Am I allowed to say that? 🤔 (Pls Delete me if I’m not)
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 01:06 AM
1

Lawrence Edward Grace "Titus" Oates
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 11:04 PM
2

Hood judgement, very useful where I live!
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 03:24 PM
1

Is this an Oates reference?
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 03:21 PM
1

How about getting a second Killer Lawyer to go after your treacherous brother? If one or both of the kids turn out to be his, then sue him for a decade or two of costs. And sue your stbxw for fraud, if that’s allowed in your jurisdiction/country.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 03:10 AM
6

I’m also dealing with a BPD raging alcoholic STBX. Now I’m wondering if she fucked my brother…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 03:06 AM
1

If a man has power and wealth, that just makes him a bigger target for a gold digger unfortunately…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 12:07 AM
4

Underrated comment
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 11:50 PM
3

Kinda like dynamite fishing, but while you’re in the water
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 07:54 PM
2

There’s (almost) no such thing as an amicable divorce, but there a lot of extremely nasty divorces that started out amicable…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 12:59 PM
12

It’s funny isn’t it? We’re taught growing up that women want kids and are maternal. And that guys are shallow and always looking for their next conquest. Then you get divorced and realise it’s all the exact opposite. Since I separated three years ago, lost 40Lbs, got in shape, fixed my hair and teeth so I looked less like Austin Powers, and updated my wardrobe, it turns out I’m tall and handsome, and I’ve realised just how fucking shallow most women are. I see them looking at me while they’re si…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 07:05 AM
3

And please show us video of the Notary’s expression when they read it!
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 07:58 AM
3

Hilarious!! NSA Sex = No Spousal Alimony
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 07:28 PM
3

Thanks!! I miss my ex too though… I miss her like a hole in the head.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 06:41 PM
15

Here’s a story linking those two concepts together. My stbxw left me and our four kids drunk-driving at 1am five days after I survived a massive car crash. I got crushed between a 20 tonne truck and a central barrier, and flew 100m/110yds at up to 3m/10ft off the ground, while doing a full barrel roll. My Subaru was a write off, but it saved my life. I was recovering on max dose Tramadol when she left. After 2 weeks I told her that she wasn’t welcome back, and I filed for divorce 9 months ago. I…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 03:38 PM
5

And always remember, “Objects in the Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are” She’ll soon be just a spec in the distance
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 07:36 AM
1

I’m late 50s, last kid starting university next month, nearly 3 years out from separation, 9 months out from final filing (you have to be separated for 2 years before filing where I live, unless mutually agreed, which is another story I’ll tell here once divorce is final, in case my ex is stalking Reddit…) I am now with an awesome woman, smart, financially independent, business owner, hard-working professional with Doctorate degree, divorced, no kids, doesn’t want any either. No arguments so far…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 07:09 AM
10

Mine “lost” hers, blaming it on our then 2 year old son playing with it and losing it. I didn’t believe her story then, and I don’t believe it now…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 11:42 AM
5

Well said. And here’s a controversial Addendum- Most guys actually find it easier to understand that their wife is leaving them because she’s found a new guy, even though that’s painful, the pain at least helps them hate her, and move on easier. Sometimes there is no new guy, the wife just genuinely doesn’t want to be with them any more. With our pride, it’s easier to accept that some guy is better than us in some way, but that we’re still good, than to accept that we’re somehow not good enough.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 09:31 AM
1

That’s a nice twofer! Is it possible to get three-in-one?
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 04:39 AM
2

I can’t believe I missed that one!
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 02:54 AM
2

I had “I don't think I can be in a relationship" used, BEFORE we started our relationship….
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 07:02 PM
1

Good ones!
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 01:43 PM
3

“Call that a Knife?” Crocodile Dundee “Call that a Lawyer?” Imsosadsoveryverysad
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 04:57 AM
6

Like an Ad for Listerine!
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 03:59 AM
1

Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 03:59 AM
3

Excellent!!
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 10:47 PM
1

I hear you on the ring… mine lost her wedding ring years ago, blamed it on our son, and lost one of the three diamonds in her engagement ring…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 09:14 PM
1

“I GET KNOCKED DOWN, BUT I GET UP AGAIN, YOU’RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN!” Tubthumping, by Chumbawamba On repeat
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 04:20 PM
2

I 100% agree that women are WAY more shallow and superficial than we’ve been brought up to believe. They say they’re not, but they bloody well are. Don’t forget, they have much better peripheral vision than we do, they can look at guys without the guys knowing it, and look away before they’re spotted when the guy’s vision starts to shift. Rods and cones and all that, google it. They’re also victims of societal norms, because they’re brought up to believe that they’re not superficial, but that we…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 04:13 PM
7

“I’m scared of him” “He’s financially controlling” “He’s emotionally abusive” Standard copy-paste “wife is the victim” BS as soon as a Lawyer gets involved Here are the translations into English- “I’m scared of him” I want an RO ASAP to get him out of the house so I can keep it. “He’s financially controlling” I want a spousal maintenance order as large as possible and as soon as possible “He’s emotionally abusive” I want max custody, and I want to alienate my kids from their father Did I miss an…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 04:07 PM
6

Haha I’m pretty sure my late father had at some point clumsily dropped and broken dishes while washing up, so he didn’t get asked any more. Was he just clumsy, or an OG incompetence weaponiser?!
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 04:35 PM
2

Maybe I misread it, but it sounds like he isn’t the “other dude”, that was someone else 7+ months ago?
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 09:28 PM
3

Haha yes, I just postponed my new bike purchase by 12 months…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 11:46 PM
1

I’m in SF, where are you heading East from?!
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 11:45 PM
9

I have an old car that’s kind of rotten, but I haven’t got round to getting it towed to the scrapyard yet, hey, who knows, maybe I’ll fix it up one day and drive it a bit. Meantime I’ve replaced it with a shiny new 6.4 V8 and I’m absolutely loving it. Or when I’m in the mood, I enjoy driving my 2021 WRC car. I never really wonder about whether that old junkheap is thinking about me tbh…. I just leave it parked in the corner there, but I’d be annoyed if someone just came along and liked it and dr…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 10:38 PM
0

You too!!!
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 03:16 AM
1

Yup. I agree 100% This is like wishing good luck to the Light Brigade just before the off….
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 03:14 AM
1

So you do have kids. I didn’t understand that from your initial post. You mentioned family, but not kids, so I thought you were referring to extended family. Yes, kids makes it different. You have more motivation to stay, but she now has way more leverage by using those underage hostages that you love so much. It gives her even more leverage later, when they’re older, and she’ll even use your kids to get her manipulations across to you. My stbxw even had my son telling me “Dad, we all know you’v…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 03:12 AM
2

You’ve tried. Declare victory. No kids right? So now get on with the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 03:02 AM
2

1/ Yes 2/ Still Yes 3/ OP, u/wineraq please read this, then read it again.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 03:01 AM
3

I was talking about a hypothetical book! Sorry I wasn’t clear. In my experience most non-fiction books are way too long, especially self-help books. They could’ve been written in a few paragraphs or bullet points, but then the authors couldn’t have called it a book, nor charged much for it. So they pad them out with a whole load of fluff. Services such as Blinkist distill them down again to the essential points. Whereas you just wrote what mattered. ie I loved what you wrote, and the fact that i…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 02:46 AM
6

Fantastically well put Mr Santa! That was like a perfect Blinkist Summary of an excellent, though too long book :)
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 12:45 AM
1

On the outside it’s not too bad, and wasn’t bad when I got the tattoo On the inside, where the skin on your fingers and palms has a huge amount of nerve endings, it hurts like a motherfucker, both getting it tattooed in the first place, and getting it lasered off. Oh, and the colour chosen for the original tattoo is one of the hardest to laser off… three sessions so far, at least another three to go, “excellent choice sir!”
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 10:52 PM
3

I had a wedding ring tattooed under my wedding ring (long story why, but it totally made sense at the time). I make an appointment an hour after each Divorce Court Hearing, and go get it lasered. I refuse the anaesthetic cream. Like a self-flagellating monk or something, so I feel the pain… and remind myself “I am never ever getting married again. Never.”
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 10:01 PM
2

I initially read that as “lower gut” I was going to make a comment about Beer Belly”
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 09:57 PM
2

That might work, if your Ex’s name is “Beryl” or something similarly modifiable…!
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 09:56 PM
2

*Missussucky
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 07:33 AM
3

Do not do this You do not want even a tiny chance of getting her pregnant
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 07:32 AM
13

Head on over to r/BPDLovedones, then copy and post that. I think the replies you’ll get might be eye-opening for you. Oh, and years from now you’ll be so glad about the lack of sex, because that means you don’t have kids, and your divorce will be relatively simple…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 12:10 AM
9

360 would put them right back where they are. They need a 180… But even then he should run.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 12:08 AM
1

Nor PPP
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 02:19 PM
26

Yes, women can see men as other than dollar signs, definitely!!! For example, my stbxw sees me as pound signs…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 08:35 AM
0

💯
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 10:29 PM
0

💯
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 10:29 PM
2

I disagree. I once spent 10k to get 2k back (not divorce-related) as a matter of principle. The look in my eyes of determination, certainty, and truth when I tell people that they shouldn’t try to fuck with me financially has saved me many multiples of that “lost” 8k over the years. It has also taught my children about right and wrong. I’m quite sure that it has had a large influence over my stbxw’s decision process in our ongoing settlement negotiations. She knows that if we don’t settle I will…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 10:28 PM
1

I understand. But long term they will not hate you. Keep doing the right thing, and they will respect you and realise that their mother is the problem. That’s where I’m at now. My kids are now all over the age of 18 and have turned out great. And they choose to stay with me, not her. Even my eldest, my stepdaughter, who has always been my girl, even if not mine biologically. They reap what they sow.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 05:29 AM
2

Explain to your sons that their mother doesn’t have the right to give away things that don’t belong to her. In the same way that their school buddies can’t just take and give away their possessions, their mother can’t take or give away your time with them. If they’re mad at you after that, then they need to learn, but as they get older they’ll realise that you’re right, and being fair. In the long game they’ll understand, respect you more, and be mad at their mother, not you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 05:20 AM
7

And make sure she didn’t plant anything like recording devices…. Also, change the damn locks 🤷🏻‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 01:32 PM
3

Your daughters are clearly smart, clear thinking, and have a great future ahead of them! I hope they get into Politics
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 10:50 AM
5

That’s not always true at all, depends on jurisdiction, and depends on what you may need to prove to family and friends, especially children later in life
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 12:21 AM
3

There’s voice memo on your Apple Watch Use that
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 12:20 AM
3

Alcoholism kills a marriage (source- my stbxw is an example) and gender and sexuality don’t make any difference, all of us partners (or soon to be ex partners) of alcoholics are in this together. I send you full solidarity.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 02:23 PM
1

Because Alimony after 10?…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 12:48 PM
5

hot Burgers, cold Beers, loyal Dog That’s the Trifecta right there And if you just add cars and motorbikes, and a fire or fire pit later on, golden!
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 11:08 AM
7

100% The best time to start was the day you “kicked her to the curb” The second best time is today. It’s not too late. Do it right. Lawyer up, witness up, proof and evidence up. Do not give her any warning whatsoever. I hope you’re not sleeping with her, or letting her slip into your bed. Right now you can fire her for infidelity, and avoid alimony in some jurisdictions.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 07:07 PM
1

And incidentally, it was not by accident that OP’s ex was visibly on dating Apps in his presence at an event with their children. Clearly he was the intended audience, and it would be naive to think otherwise. His ex 100% wanted him to know she was dating, and specifically while he was minding their kids…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 10:07 AM
12

I love this, go you! Mine is currently trying to pretend in court that we haven’t been separated for the past nearly three years; two years are required here unless both parties agree, which she doesn’t. I was the one that filed. And the almost three year separation is fully documented and provable. Also, female judges are the best, I have huge respect for them. Hard working women who’ve seen it all. They see through all the BS, and they don’t see why a non-working ex should get higher alimony t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 09:43 AM
1

Your comments would be fair (and maybe they are fair for you) except that I’m not angry at all, and I’ve moved on. My ex is clinically diagnosed with BPD, and it’s much much better that my kids have a healthy calm time with me when they’re with me, and have whatever they have with her, than the toxicity and rage from my ex that came out whenever we tried to do anything as a family. I think that you and I have a shared desire to do what is best for our kids, however what is best for my kids may n…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 09:23 AM
1

I hope so too!
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 11:04 PM
1

I understand that desire, and can understand that you’re prepared to suffer (as you are now, knowing about your ex’s dating) for the sake of your kids. Maybe my kids are older than yours, probably, so I can reassure you that they can work out why they only have half of their Christmases with me, and they know it doesn’t mean I don’t care.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 10:19 PM
-2

Awkward question, but unless your kids are Olympic class athletes why are you at their sporting event the same time as your ex? My Divorce isn’t even final, but I sure as hell have made sure I haven’t seen my ex once this year. Can’t you alternate events?
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 10:09 PM
4

And add- “unless of course you want to retract your Police Report, in which case that’ll be fine” Then if she retracts (unlikely of course..) insist on Police Station anyway… And yes, wear a body cam
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 09:15 AM
2

Well, you’ve kind of told me the future! I already know my kids see through her lies, and they come to stay with me by choice, go to see her by obligation… the most wonderful being my eldest daughter, who isn’t biologically mine, she’s from my ex’s previous relationship, but she’s still my little girl, who is, if anything, even closer to me then she was before
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 09:12 PM
3

Funny isn’t it? Society as a whole, and the Legal System, says/thinks that the mothers care more about kids because they’re so damn maternal. Yet here we are, divorced and divorcing men, sacrificing our short-term happiness for the medium-term stability and happiness of our kids, which makes us happy long-term. And ultimately our Community notices, even if Society doesn’t change its narrative, and our community realised that we weren’t the bad guy. It’s like a newspaper retraction though- everyo…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 09:06 PM
2

I’m half way between you and your Dad, and I really appreciate you sharing your perspective on his perspective. Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 08:58 PM
23

She may seem to come out smelling like a rose, but eventually friends and family, neighbours and school community, everyone, they all realise that the rose was fertilised with horse shit, and that’s what they’re smelling…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 03:00 PM
2

1/ Lawyer up 2/ Have her served (you said no one has got round to it yet) 3/ Restraining Order against her for waking your daughter up at 2:30am on a School night, defamatory claims, wasting police time, whatever your lawyer says might stick 4/ ask for full custody because she’s clearly a bad mother 5/ change your locks if legal to do so 6/ any future stalking claims by her will likely be seen by court as retaliation 7/ do not sleep with her again, ideally not since the last known act of infidel…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 06:03 PM
8

“trust your gut; not your spouse“ Hard-earned wisdom right there…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 07:42 AM
1

Head on over to r/BPDLovedOnes and post your story there
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 03:02 AM
10

Yes…. But do them in this order- 3, and see at least the five best lawyers, and conflict them 2 Stealthily, and based on lawyer’s advice 4 and 1 almost simultaneously
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 04:00 PM
20

And don’t sleep with her again if you’re in a state or country that cares about infidelity and fault vis-à-vis Divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 03:58 PM
10

Hear Hear 🙏
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 03:56 PM
1

No you’re not a wuss. I’m not a wuss. I’m also in the middle of a nasty divorce. My Mother died last year on Mother’s Day. And so yesterday was pretty hard. It’s ok to be human. If we felt nothing, we’d be robots. It’s ok to have feelings. Stay strong. But stay human.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 06:09 PM
1

The other thing oaks do? If they get branches knocked off, or even half the tree (yes I’m making a 50/50 divorce reference) they grow back from the roots and the stump.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 06:06 PM
2

Right? Always the same behaviour patterns…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 09:59 PM
3

See you there :)
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 09:59 PM
12

Ok Mr Nominal, Head on over to r/BPDLovedones, and post your story. You will realise that you’re very much not alone Source- I’m divorcing my second wife now, who is fully clinically diagnosed with BPD, and your life sounds familiar…. Edit- do not believe her lies about no orgasms, it’s just extreme words to hurt you. Mine was telling me they were the best orgasms of her life. None of it is true, at either extreme.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 10:53 AM
3

I was asking myself the same question!
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 08:48 AM
5

And guess what? Her affair partner might just find her a little less attractive sans alimony….
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 08:48 AM
7

It’s horrible to be cheated on, but you’re one of the luckiest people on here! (a) you live in the right State whichever it is (b) you have the evidence you need (c) you now have the upper hand because she was not expecting you to find out, she would never have told you, and she is only having second thoughts about the divorce now because the alimony circumstances have changed Divorce her, take max custody, stay strong. If she really wants to be with you, she can date you post-divorce. But heads…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 08:43 AM
19

No such thing as an ironclad postnup irl unfortunately…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 08:38 AM
2

Yeah, 125% of net worth seems like a reasonable request… and alimony for life
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 12:48 PM
4

Serious I wish I were joking. Imagine you had a net worth if $2M, but she thought it was really $7M, and she wanted 50% of the gain during marriage, and that would be $2.5M by her lawyer’s calculations. Oh, and she’d want alimony on top.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 10:59 PM
2

We’re all screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 10:10 PM
5

Mine is so deluded that I’m hiding tons of money that she’s implicitly asked for a settlement of more than 100% of my net worth… 99% would be a bargain
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 07:02 PM
24

Amicable? It’ll stay amicable right up till her lawyer convinces her to fuck you. Moral of the story? We all get fucked, rich or poor. We’re all in this together, we’re all brothers here. [Edit- details removed in case she or her lawyers are stalking on here..]
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 07:25 AM
2

Maybe they should be renewable every five years. It would keep both spouses on their toes
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/23 03:28 PM
1

Interesting article. So 75% of people (in America, which presumably is where you’re from, not me, not everyone on here) getting married today will not get divorced? Could that be partly because younger men today are avoiding marriage? And 50% is probably still right for people who got married 10-20 years ago, like most of us on here, no?
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/23 12:06 AM
8

Agreed Why is it that prenups are often ruled invalid, especially when there wasn’t independent legal advice for both parties, or if that advice wasn’t at least six weeks before the wedding. Yet a marriage with no small print or warnings, with no legal advice, and no cooling off period, can leave you totally fucked?
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/23 11:43 PM
7

I’d say marriage is ok, it’s the divorce laws that need to change. But until they do, you’re right, marriage doesn’t work. Child support (that isn’t covert alimony) is ok up till age 18 (I do believe in parental responsibility) but that alimony should be five years max, and why should someone get half my assets while not working during the marriage? In fact spending more because they had the time to do so, and without the respect for money you get from working! So not working not only reduces th…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/23 11:40 PM
13

“the duty of marriage is out the window” While the obligations of divorce remain
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/23 08:47 PM
7

Head on over to BPDlovedones and see if any of it sounds familiar….
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 07:19 PM
4

Same same but different Mine left me and the kids* After two weeks I told her she wasn’t welcome back unless she got therapy for her BPD, and rehab for her alcoholism. Now she tells people that I threw her out 🙄 Edit *to be fair I had texted a friend the afternoon before she left, telling him that “I was going to make some changes”, and contextually it was clear that meant that I was planning to divorce my wife. I’m pretty sure that my wife saw or read it somehow, hacked phone, who knows? Anyway…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 07:18 PM
1

Yes!! And at least with the hedge funds you have positive alignment- they only make money when they make money for you. Whereas in marriage, your spouse can reduce your net worth by overspending and underworking for the duration, then use that as leverage to get a bigger settlement based on spending “needs” and “inability to work” So they get paid MORE for worse performance. And on top of that, every penny they get is a penny less for you, so negative alignment…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 12:37 PM
6

“Marriage is for not very smart people” Well, some of the women are pretty smart… If I were mentoring a smart, hard working, beautiful young lady on her career choices, would I be giving bad advice if I suggested she go into finance?
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 12:14 AM
11

Hedge Fund Managers take 20% of the fund’s profits, 2% of the assets Private Equity take 20% of the profits, 2% of the assets Venture Capital take 20% of the profits, 2% of the assets Divorce Wives take 50% of the profits, AND 50% of the original assets, sometimes more. Who are the amateurs in this comparison? I’m mentoring a very smart hardworking beautiful young woman. I feel like I might not be giving her the best advice if I tell her to go into finance…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/22 11:30 PM
2

Unexpectedly and perhaps counterintuitively this might work in your favour. If you get the Appraisals done “as is” while the work is unfinished it turns out that they add almost nothing to the value of your home, perhaps even detract because any new owner would have to finish them. However a big chunk of money is already out the door, so your net worth is lower than before the works started, and lower than it will be when it’s finished… and btw the stress of being served for divorce is perfectly…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/22 11:52 AM
2

Mine is so insanely optimistic/unrealistic/unreasonable about what she thinks my (“our” according to her) Net Worth is, that I ordered Appraisals of 6 assets myself last week for my lawyer to send directly to hers so that maybe her own lawyer can bring her back to reality, or at least in the same general area.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/22 11:45 AM
2

Same. There is a 5X ratio of what mine thinks she’s “due” compared to the PV of what she might actually get in court. Or 10X compared to what I would consider reasonable. I don’t want to put the actual figures here in case she’s lurking… but you’d fall off your chair if I DM’d them.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/22 11:40 AM
5

You’re totally welcome afaic! Maybe if this sub were named “fucked over in divorce” it would be more obvious to certain people that you fit in. I for one appreciate hearing your perspective!
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/22 09:16 PM
2

100X Upvote. Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/22 12:36 AM
7

Maybe it’s good that they’re so young. If I were you, divorce her, go hard for full custody, and gtfo of state ASAP Get out now, it’ll only get worse. Just my opinion of course
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 06:39 PM
11

Cheating and manipulative suicide attempt? With a history of trauma? High chance of BPD imo, though I’m not a psychiatrist How old is your child? Have a look over on /BPDLovedOnes and see if anything sounds familiar…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 06:35 PM
1

I'm wondering how long you both knew each other before marriage. 9 MONTHS It's hard to hide these things. Unless there were blinders or rose colored glasses on. SHE IS DIAGNOSED pwBPD, SHE HID EVERYTHING Or was this in her past and she had since successfully changed for the better. IT WAS IN HER PAST, BUT SHE HAD MOST DEFINITELY NOT CHANGED FOR THE BETTER.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 04:12 PM
1

Hahahaha! Exactly….
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 02:08 PM
1

Funnily enough I asked my lawyer this the other day- Can I sue my Ex for Fraud given all that she hid from me before we got married? That I would never have married her if I’d known that she had been a heroin addict, had lost custody of her daughter previously, was a full blown alcoholic, had a personality disorder. You know, little details like that that would’ve meant I’d have never married her. He said it’d make an interesting test case….
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 09:36 AM
1

So you’ll be eligible to file on April 7 2023, after 12 months. She’ll become eligible on May 30 2023 after 6 months If that’s right, looks like your filing will precede hers, and you win. Then 3 months cooling off takes you to July 7th, after she’s eligible to file in Cali. So you need to be sure your early filing takes precedence for jurisdiction in case it’s something weird like the date after cooling off that counts for RI, and the date of filing in Cali. However, on top of that I think Neva…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 11:13 PM
3

Stay strong. It can only get better from here, look at it that way
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 08:17 AM
0

I wish you the best, you sound like a good guy, understanding what was actually going on with my wife after her diagnosis was a huge turning point for me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 06:09 AM
2

Come on over to r/BPDLovedOnes…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 10:45 PM
5

Maybe have a look at r/BPDLovedOnes…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 10:20 PM
1

You described/labelled her as Bipolar. Borderline Personality Disorder is not the same. May I suggest coming on over to r/BPDLovedOnes and see if anything sounds familiar
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 10:18 PM
1

I 100% agree
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 09:57 PM
3

Frankly, both your stories sound more like BPD than anything else
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 09:54 PM
3

Sounds like BPD, ie Borderline not Bipolar Welcome to the Club…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 09:52 PM
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