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Dense_Pomelo_2480 Archive

View 10 posts and 41 comments by Dense_Pomelo_2480 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Mine threatened that too in the early years--many times. Threatened to put the house on the market while the kids were at home several times. 4-5 years before I finally moved out, we had a massive argument and she told me to get out. I was then to the point where I would simply say "no I'm not leaving my house" for the first time ever. She threatened to call the cops. I said go ahead. She did and immediately regretted it and called them back saying it was a mistake. Of course they came and it al…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 11:29 AM
2

Sometimes there's really events to wait for and sometimes it is just an excuse. Took me longer than it should have to realize that most of the things to wait for were just excuses, especially once my kids were adults. There's no way to make it a totally safe landing, but some preparation is good. Pulling the bandaid was hard, but the worst of it (for me) was the first month. Then it got easier. A lot easier. There's the occasional moment or two when I think "what if I had stayed," and then I rem…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 11:26 AM
2

After the holidays is good. Just don't delay it forever. I did. Ripping the bandaid was best thing I did.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 01:33 PM
1

You're welcome and good luck. Therapy can really help. Maybe I should get my saxophone out again.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 02:03 AM
2

Talk to a lawyer. Try and stay as calm as possible in interactions with wife--find another time/place to cuss, rant, and the like ( and set a time limit to it and then get on to something else). Who knows what your wife will do? May go easy or not, but try and not stress about it--which is easy to say but not always so easy to do. I'm walking 3-4 miles a day, but I have gained weight because I eat too much. I'm not a gym guy, but have the blood pressure under control (I'm 56). Details depend on …
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 01:50 AM
2

Take it one day at a time. Make a plan. Talk to a lawyer. I was a hot mess and leaving was my decision. I walk every day...listen to 80s music to relax/decompress--no podcasts, no news, no politics, no occupational crap. It will get better but it takes a while to feel like it. Hang in there. Talk to a lawyer. I ate too much, but didn't start drinking or smoking, so I consider that a plus.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 01:17 AM
2

Somewhere I read (maybe here) that the lawyer was NOT my shrink...so I kept details in message relevant. I also would ask myself several times if I really needed the lawyer to answer the question and often the answer to that was "no."
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 03:25 AM
5

Children were adults...so there were none of those issues. I met with lawyer well before we separated and made her a settlement offer that was probably slightly more than what she'd have gotten...just to move things along. I'd rather piss money at her than at a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 10:47 PM
1

That's a good way of looking at it. I need to remind myself of that. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 12:27 PM
3

The getting a family law attorney and this post has some of the best advice I've seen on here. In my case, I was the one who initiated and eventually filed, but I talked to an attorney over a year before I actually left (yes..I moved out, but in my situation that made sense and it was done after serious consideration of the implications--your situation may be different). That conversation with the lawyer calmed my nerves about some financial issues and helped me plan for when we separated and I …
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 01:21 AM
6

Dude...you make 900K a year. Talk to a lawyer. I did it on a fraction of what you make.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 01:47 PM
2

Cats can be. I ended up with our two. They listen to me talk, complain, or whatever and I don't get any opinion from them. Got a dog. Forces me to get up and take him out. Walk him daily. Great way to meet people and gets me some exercise.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 06:04 PM
2

99.99% chance her change is fleeting. She got called on her poop. When she sees you're staying, her poop will return. Learned this the hard way. You've got things started, just follow through to completion. Married 33 years here. Wish I had pulled the plug long before I did, but no use crying over it now.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 05:46 PM
1

Thanks. You are absolutely correct. It's not an excuse, but I backtracked into the "avoid drama" mode which I was in for years and which I finally got out of 5 months or so ago. You are right about the "win" versus "loss." I need to remember that no matter what the for-the-time spouse says, the offer I made was more than fair (lawyer's words--not mine) and that it's on her to take or not whatever. Avoiding drama raised my bloodpressure and impacted my health in several ways and it's time to get …
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 07:58 PM
1

I think it's just the fear of the unknown--that's what it was when I moved out initially. The lawyer (both of them) and what I've read online told me that my worst financial fear was unrealistic and way worse than what the likely outcome was. And I'm probably just worried about what people will think when it becomes publicly known. Need to knock it into my head that I shouldn't worry about that as so far only one person has had a negative reaction--the wife.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 04:34 PM
2

Desire to avoid drama--that's what it really boils down to. That's really not a good excuse. But for so long, I've been in the habit of "solving everyone's problems" when I could. Even my kid told me I need to do what I need to for me. I survived the drama when we separated. It really cannot be any worse than that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 04:24 PM
3

If I had still been working when we separated and had worked after the divorce, the percentage of my pension she got would have declined. But since I was drawing when we separated and we were married for 99% of the time I worked, she essentially gets half of it. The only remaining advantage is that the pension system has an insurance benefit where my premium is much lower than if I were buying it on the open market. But I knew full how my pension would be handled in a divorce. Frustrating, but a…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 11:46 PM
5

Separate property. In many states an inheritance or a gift is considered separate property and not marital property. A person has to be careful how one handles it so that it's not comingled with marital property, but if you can document that it was a gift/inheritance and it's kept totally separate, it's usually not considered marital property. In my case of the $$ from my uncle, I kept a copy of the check from the bank, opened a separate account, put ONLY that check in it and did not mix that mo…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 11:15 PM
6

I was making roughly 105K a year before divorce--I'm retired from my first job. She'll get 30K a year of my pension (plus colas) for life. In the short term, I can probably make that up with some sort of side hustle or part-time job.. Long term...I'm just out the money. Had I done this when the kids left the house, it would have cost me probably 10K a year less. Live and learn. The smartest thing I did was keep property received from my parents (and a little bit from my uncle) as totally separat…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 07:51 PM
5

One day at a time is how it starts..focus on getting through that day. It's not going to get any better if you stay. I stayed way too long after I realized I should have moved out and it negatively impacted my mental and physical health. I also realized if I did get "really sick," that I didn't want her or her relatives around me when I was ill. Your situation is not going to change unless you change. Don't wait for life to happen to you. Being alone may be scary at first, but you'll adapt. I ha…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 05:23 AM
2

It was 32 years for me and I decided counseling, etc. wasn't going to make a difference (long story I've already mentioned here). Telling her about gave me a heart attack to be honest because I stressed about it. But I'm in a better place now mentally and emotionally. I'd talk to an attorney before hand to see what the financial reality is for you at this point if you divorce. Better to know before you pull the plug than after. I've said it before, but I was so glad I did this. Adult kids may ma…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 07:55 PM
3

It took me a very long time too. There are many who waited a long time to take the plunge. I felt a sense of relief after the initial meeting and after some time later, we set a game plan. Not that every day has been that great, but my emotional state is generally much better. Lawyer told me what concerns were realistic and what ones were things were not. Based on things I read here and some common sense, I told myself that the lawyer is not my therapist. Tell her what my worries are concerning …
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 03:02 AM
1

I reached out to her and got an immediate response and, without going into identifying details, she dealt with my concerns and explained how it would have minimal impact. I've been happy with how she's handled things, she's been upfront with my options, and on the ball every time I had a question or a concern. I don't want to have to get a new one up to speed on everything if the one I have can still handle things. I already told her I'm sticking with her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 02:18 AM
1

Nope. Not from Washington DC nor the state. ;-)
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 04:51 PM
2

I'm thinking about that. I'm also tempted to stay with this person because I did feel comfortable with them and their approach both to me and the process. The majority of what'll be done won't be in court anyway...most likely.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 03:59 PM
4

Smart is contacting a lawyer as mentioned before you do anything--both divorce and criminal as has been suggested. I "surprised" mine with moving out and starting proceedings. Moving out made sense for me financially and otherwise--but that was in my specific situation. My kids are also out of home and not subject to any custody issues. Parts of my situation were similar, but I won't repost all that here. I am 55. It's normal to feel some guilt if you "surprise" them with this. I was told to get…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 02:58 PM
1

I totally get that. I "stuck it out for the kids" and in some ways they benefitted from that and there are probably ways they did not. It was mentally taxing to say the least. We grew apart decades ago, not long after our last child was born. Everyone has to make their own decision. I hate to even think about what I would have done differently as it's already water under the bridge and really does not help me emotionally or psychologically to think about how a "redo" would be. It's a trite clich…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 02:16 AM
1

We all do what we gotta do. I take cash only if practical and use it for gas, food, and the like.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 08:19 PM
1

As for hobby, my Grandpa left me 4 totes of family papers, pictures, and the like. I've been sorting them, trying to figure out more about some of them, and digitizing them. I walk for an hour in the evening and then work on that for a while most nights.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 06:46 PM
1

Free-lance editing/proofing and tutoring.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 06:43 PM
1

Mine's still a higher than that, but it's headed down and the Dr. is on top of it--it was worse. I'm already feeling a little more relaxed in general. I know there's drama ahead, but I'm going to let the attorney handle as much of it as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 08:11 PM
2

I've been bald so long, that I don't care. Working on belly. Lawyer and I talked ultimate worse-case financial scenario and I can easily live with that without going into all the details of my situation. Luckily I kept every penny I got from my parents and an uncle completely separate and it will be enough to pay my additional living expenses until we're done. I don't live in a high cost area of the US and my lifestyle isn't all that fancy, so I'm good. At some point if I feel the need for a liv…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 07:37 PM
1

I realized at an early age my parents weren't happy in many ways...my Dad could be an occasionally abusive asshole. Mom always moved out once, but it never happened. I left the immediate area after college and after they both passed my sibling who lived in the area told me more stories about how much of a prick Dad was. That was the first moment that I started to realize that I didn't want to end up miserable in my old age and that I needed to divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 04:09 PM
2

55 here...32 years...two grown children. Separated at this point finally. The stress, combined with the unhappiness and depression finally got to my health and when I realized (like you did) that I wasn't taking the advice I would give my children, I decided it was long past time to buck up. Like you, I was always to acknowledge my shortcomings (which I have), but she didn't want to acknowledge hers in any other way that an occasional "sorry." Those were always meaningless as the behavior never …
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 05:46 PM
8

Very similar story to yours...same time frame, same "divorce is bad" viewpoint, married at 22, virgin, debating a long time before pulling the plug--which I did a few days ago--now in my mid-50s after 30 years. Been on the leaving fence for some time, but just could not pull plug. Had a health scare (which I'll get over fortunately) that is probably at least 75% stress related and I decided enough was enough. We'll see how it plays out. Part of me feels bad for her, but two of my friends told me…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 06:20 PM
1

Plug pulled and can move in shortly. Fortunately I have somewhere to stay in the interim. Now to work through the regrets that are popping up in my head.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 01:17 PM
1

Well looked at house to rent today. It's nice, will serve the immediate needs, and is in a nice part of town. Was really excited when looking at it and thinking about it. Signing lease tomorrow hopefully. But I'm back home and the good feelings have left me and back in my usual funk. Just got to keep my head up I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 12:50 AM
2

Thanks for that.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 08:29 PM
2

I've got to keep that in mind. My mental health matters just as much as anyone else's.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 08:28 PM
1

The money spending will get no better. At the very least it will stay the same. It might even get worse. It's going to eat at you constantly. Talk to lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 07:28 PM
3

This provided some motivation for me. I'm 55 and thought I should just stick it out til the end and that I'd missed my chance to get out. The new relationship angle isn't a factor for me now as I've had 30 years of her way or else. I've talked to a lawyer and can live with the worst-case financial result a divorce would have. Thanks for posting this.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 01:25 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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