It took me months to get the gumption up to tell her I wanted to separate. By that time, my mind was beyond totally made up. I had no idea how much "drama" there would be when I told her and decided that the reasons I would tell her would be that we had grown apart, I was tired of being unhappy, that it was clear neither of us were happy, and that we were well-beyond functioning well together, didn't bring out the best for each other, and

I didn't mention that we'd not had sex in nearly 10 years, that we'd slept in separate bedrooms for at least 8, that her spending habits had not gotten better in 30 years, that her failure to compromise in virtually all disagreements, that her lies about money/spending and why she lost her job two years ago, had worn me down (she did get a new job fortunately)...on top of the lies she still tells about one thing or another or the stories that change so often I can't keep the details straight at all. The fact that we constantly argued about the kids until they were grown did not help. And the money...she works full time and half the time can't pay the 3 bills agreed to years ago (those take up half her net income leaving the other half for her to do as she pleases).

I didn't mention those things because rehashing them won't do any good at this point and we have already discussed most of them more times than I care to remember. It also seemed in the context of our relationship that bringing them up would mean that I thought there was the possibility of change--there's not. I've heard "I'm sorry" too many times to remember and I have/had no interest in revisiting arguments that we've had numerous times.

Now I'm being told that my unwillingness to list specifically why I am leaving is unfair and that I owe her a better explanation. I'm to the point of thinking that her not knowing what some of the problems are is part of the problem.

End of rant.