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letak2018 Archive

View 45 posts and 364 comments by letak2018 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
43

letak2018/r/Divorce_Men22/10/20 07:55 PM
36

letak2018/r/Divorce_Men21/04/21 05:42 PM
31

letak2018/r/Divorce_Men25/04/20 03:36 AM
27

letak2018/r/Divorce_Men26/06/20 09:22 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men18/10/19 04:08 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men05/05/20 11:30 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men15/07/19 07:59 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men25/04/19 03:12 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men11/10/19 06:50 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men18/11/19 08:27 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 03:15 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men23/04/20 11:41 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men04/10/18 02:50 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men15/11/18 07:08 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men26/04/20 08:30 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men21/08/19 08:59 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 12:52 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men04/05/20 06:28 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men21/11/19 04:40 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men28/06/20 05:55 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men09/07/19 10:34 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men13/10/18 02:27 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men29/05/20 04:02 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men01/09/19 05:54 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men15/12/18 02:37 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men12/12/18 08:49 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men05/03/20 11:57 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men21/04/19 12:05 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 02:59 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men06/03/19 07:54 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men15/06/19 08:00 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men25/10/19 10:53 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men20/07/19 07:15 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men01/05/19 03:57 AM
3

letak2018/r/Divorce_Men03/05/20 10:07 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men29/01/19 07:56 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men18/04/20 03:35 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men03/07/20 05:51 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men07/07/19 04:05 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men28/02/19 04:14 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men23/09/20 05:36 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men01/07/19 05:11 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men19/06/19 12:48 AM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men21/03/20 08:39 PM
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letak2018/r/Divorce_Men15/03/19 03:53 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
0

Nope. I filed and was awarded primary custody. She’s fully vaxxed, what’s the big deal? He’s better already.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 01:19 PM
3

Record everything and lawyer up. I was in a similar situation in 2019. Went through hell, but today I have primary custody of my 2 boys, married to an awesome, beautiful woman 8 years my junior, and have never been happier. There’s hope!
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 01:43 AM
3

Do what’s best for your kids. In this case that means get as much custody as you can.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 09:02 PM
3

This was a critical thought for me: “I am modeling a horrible relationship to my two young sons. If I put up with this crap, I’m teaching them that psychological, emotional and physical abuse is acceptable.” After that, all fear of the unknown became secondary. None of it mattered as much as getting my kids away from a crazy person. Before that thought, I was willing to suffer quietly. After that, I was fighting for my kids future well being. I was successful. I have the kids >50% of the time, I…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/22 04:46 AM
2

Absolutely. I had to be in a Zoom call with her yesterday. She looked like a stranger after a few years of only seeing occasional glances of her. I don’t even associate her with the fun girl I married years ago. Also, she’s aged a ton and looks like shit. Being a bitch and losing primary custody of your kids takes a toll on a girl.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 10:23 PM
6

Mourn the death of who she was, find peace, move on.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 04:20 PM
1

Not yet…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 02:26 AM
1

Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 02:26 AM
1

Am engaged. #2 is a huge upgrade from #1 in every respect. However, I’d be lying if I said I won’t miss single dad life sometimes, but overall I think she’ll be a great addition to our lives.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 09:30 PM
1

Do it. No big deal.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/22 08:43 PM
1

I’m 50, she’s 42. No big deal at this age. It all depends on the age. 30/22 would be kinda goofy.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/22 04:15 AM
1

Don’t sell yourself short. I got primary custody. Of course, she was a nutcase, but still…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/21 12:11 AM
1

I recommend against having kids in this kinda situation. Time to be brutally honest with yourself. Will you be kicking yourself in 5-10-20 years if you stick this out? I’m not a quitter either, I gave it more than a fair chance, but once I had a “last straw” moment, there was no turning back, and I’m 100% happier for it. A year after the divorce was final I have a much better looking, much younger, and so much more supportive, loving, and sweet girlfriend. “No ragrets“
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/21 05:12 AM
4

For me it was the realization that I was modeling a terrible situation to my sons. I never wanted them to think that the way my ex acted was ok, never wanted to see them treated that way.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 07:28 PM
4

It’s fantastic!
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/21 11:16 AM
8

Triumph Speed Twin. Red.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/21 05:20 AM
2

What this chick does is none of your business. Snap out of it, make yourself better in every way.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/21 05:08 PM
0

None of your business.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/21 04:15 PM
17

You go on your own date.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/21 01:50 AM
7

Good luck to you, hope it works out. I did everything I could to try to save things while preparing for divorce (that I initiated). I gave her every chance to recognize how destructive she was. It didn’t work, and luckily I was ready for the inevitable. I recommend you do the same.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/21 11:01 PM
3

That’s not love. That’s unhealthy obsession. You deserve better.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/21 03:58 AM
1

Mine was a bunch of interviews and home visits. Expensive, but well worth it — the evaluator’s recommendations led to my award of primary custody. My evaluator was a PhD psychologist who both attorneys agreed upon. She completely nailed both of us, psychological profile-wise. Very smart woman, and she and the process were a little intimidating. She wrote a full report that included all of her observations and recommendations. That set the stage for mediation. I stuck to my guns and “won”.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/21 03:56 AM
1

I went through a custody eval. For me it was one on one interviews, an interview with the STBXW, interviews with me and the kids, kids alone, and home visits to both of our houses. Of course your little brother be won’t have solo interviews, but you’ll most likely be observed with the child at home and probably in another setting (office, for instance) It was expensive as hell, but I have primary custody of my boys because of it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/21 03:51 AM
1

Oh, for sure. But it still sucked.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/21 02:57 PM
1

Be better than her, all the time. And be able to prove it. Just to reiterate: I’m living in the former marital home, after being in an apartment for about 1.5 years after separation. The kids are with me except for 1/3/5th weekends per month, plus Wednesday nights. She would have had to pay me child support, despite me making >$100k more than her (she does well as a medical professional), but she requested to allow me to keep a greater % of the marital assets, and I agreed. I travel for work, an…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/21 05:04 AM
1

You’re welcome, good luck, feel free to ask me any questions. I’m certainly not an expert, but when I was just starting this journey 2 years ago, there were a lot of naysayers who told me that I didn’t have a chance, judges wouldn’t care, etc. A year after my final decree I’m still here offering what info and encouragement I can.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/21 01:30 AM
3

It can be done!
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/21 05:06 AM
7

I had started recording months before I filed, and kept a spreadsheet diary of all the rotten shit she did as well as a diary of all of the fatherly stuff I was doing.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/21 04:48 AM
7

Definitely use them. We went to court only for the temporary orders hearing. The recordings were important in setting the basic tone of the case, especially since she had very little negative to say about me. So when she tried filing for temporary restraining orders a few months later it was pretty obvious that she was just trying to fuck with me. All of that evidence was very useful in the psych/custody eval phase of my case. I had a ton of evidence of how she was a lunatic and I was pretty cal…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/21 04:46 AM
12

By the ex? All kinds of stuff - from cursing to mocking to screaming repetitively to accusations of lying to name calling. Yeah she was a real charmer. Similar stuff to the kids too. A year since the divorce was final and I can’t believe I went through all that. A couple years of peace and normalcy and interactions with normal adults really resets your frame of reference. Edit: I had a recording of her calling me a “big fucking baby” or something similar, which she denied in court. Played that t…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/21 04:38 AM
8

I played recordings I had in court, and also presented them during the custody/psych eval, and I was awarded primary custody.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/21 01:39 AM
9

Happily dating less than a year after divorce was final. New girlfriend is gorgeous, affectionate, kind, and 8 years younger than me! Well worth it. YMMV
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/21 07:21 PM
5

I'm in TX also, I received primary custody of my two boys, and I'm living in the former marital residence. My advice: Document the hell out of everything, as you've done. I made a spreadsheet / diary of all of these things she did and everything relevant that the kids told me. If you need to fight, get a custody evaluator involved. It's expensive, but that's ultimately how I "won". It became apparent that I'm the level headed one, and that the kids are much more comfortable with me. The psych/cu…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/21 08:21 PM
3

Good luck!!!
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 01:48 AM
6

In our first hearing the judge told her she’d better get a full-time job, now, and scheduled a hearing 90 days later to verify her status. That was a great wake up for her.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 11:13 PM
8

I make more (about double), she got no alimony or “spousal maintenance”, as she is a well qualified and employed health professional. I got the kids, and she would have had to pay me child support, though I opted to keep a larger % of the assets.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 10:54 PM
1

Oh yeah that’s good shit. If you can record her surreptitiously with a phone or other device, that’s awesome. My ex had frequent narcissistic rage episodes with lots of foul language around the kids, usually over literally nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 07:23 PM
2

I documented the hell out of everything, recorded her rants and shitty behavior, and I acted better than her all the time. Edit: And then when it came down to the psych/custody eval, the psych. saw right through her shit.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 07:03 PM
2

I have primary custody of my boys, she has odd weekends. It’s possible. Edit: AND she called the cops on me and filed 2 emergency restraining orders. Judge saw through it all. It’s possible. Be better than her.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 12:57 PM
0

Yeah. Prenup.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/21 03:55 PM
1

By all means, try to mediate before going to court and fighting it out over months or years. But have a lawyer there to make sure you aren’t getting screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/21 03:35 PM
1

Just to reiterate what has been said: this is abusive and toxic AF. Get out for your sake and for your child’s sake. Follow the advice here.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 12:05 PM
1

Sorry dude, I know it’s simultaneously helpful and hurtful to hear what you probably already knew. Look after your mental and physical health for now and plan for your future. Talk to the professionals you need to maintain all of that: Lawyers Counselors/therapists Financial advisors Come back here often. A lot of experience and solid advice here.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/21 07:39 PM
1

Buddy, there’s no decision left for you to make here. It’s done, it’s just up for you to come to terms with that fact. Continue with the counseling to help you come to terms with this. I’m sorry for your loss.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/21 02:13 PM
3

Yeah don’t do anything drastic. You are the father, you have rights, and she stepped on her dick (so to speak) by running off with the kids. Judges don’t like people taking the law into their own hands. Find a divorce lawyer in your area, read reviews on google or avvo.com. Document everything. Record conversations if you can. Save emails, text messages, etc. If there are important documents or valuable items in the house that she has access to, put them in a safe place. Hard as hell to get some…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/21 02:28 AM
1

Excellent, man. Do it at your pace. Glad you’ve made it to this point.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/21 02:30 AM
3

You may consider sticking around to offer guidance, as I’ve done.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/21 10:40 PM
3

The divorce is over. Good, bad, or indifferent, there’s very little she can do to you now. Put her out of your mind, and become an uninteresting gray rock to her. Stay in therapy, and work on yourself. Exercise, eat well, think positive thoughts, read positive things, be with positive people. Find a way to keep yourself on track with these things: a buddy, family member, or whatever. Great things are around the corner.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/21 02:06 AM
3

Mine was a relief. Slept like a baby since. Of course, some stress in the “during” phase.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/21 08:33 PM
3

Go totally gray stone with her. No more back and forth. If you must reply, as non confrontational as possible. Source: divorced after 15 years with narcissistic abusive bitch. I don’t engage or argue.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 08:23 PM
3

RUN. Do better next time.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 04:17 AM
3

My divorce was final last October, but I’m still lurking, just to say: this can be done! I won primary custody of my boys in mediation. The key is document everything and don’t stoop to her level!
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/21 10:43 PM
4

She’s fucking with you. At least you recognize it. Remember this for next time.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/21 01:48 PM
5

Seems like you have your answer. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/21 01:08 PM
12

Didn’t see you write anything about still loving her or wanting to be with her…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/21 03:31 AM
10

“Find a relationship where you, naturally being you, makes the other person happy. And the other person, naturally being the other person, makes you happy” – Naval
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/21 12:28 AM
3

I got to keep a larger % of a retirement account in lieu of child support payments from her. Judge signed off on it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/21 04:32 AM
5

Can confirm. You need to be out of it to see how bad it is. Then you can move on and find peace and happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/21 04:48 AM
4

Here’s the thought that broke me out of your mindset: I owe it to my kids to model a better relationship for them.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/21 02:43 AM
2

You’re a good man. Be strong for your kids. They will absorb important lessons from you, more than you know.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/21 02:18 AM
2

Yeah, he was involved too. Free though.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/21 06:19 PM
1

It was pricey as f***. $16-20k probably, split 2-ways. Edit: but that PhD psych got it right. Nailed us both 100%. Worth it, I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/21 06:17 PM
1

Went through very similar situation: she filed 2 emergency TROs, both denied. Then we did a custody/psych eval. The report was so damning I got primary custody in mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/21 11:44 AM
1

Thanks. I’m making the best out of Plan D.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/21 02:40 AM
1

I’m in TX, got primary.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/21 02:38 AM
3

Great advice. This is how I got primary.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/21 02:35 AM
2

I got primary custody. This isn’t the 1970’s. You ought to be able to get 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/21 02:35 AM
2

Attitude. She’s a fully functional adult with multiple college degrees and is a medical professional, but something short circuited in her people skills.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/21 02:43 AM
7

OMG. SO much better. For myself, my kids, and probably for her too. I have primary custody of the kids and we have a great peaceful vibe. Busy, and sometimes I have to be stern to maintain order(teenage boys), but it’s happy and peaceful. She was chaotic and nasty.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/21 04:52 AM
7

Nope. Just going off what you wrote.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/21 04:20 AM
7

Wow. I guess next time don’t ask for a divorce until you’re sure.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/21 04:18 AM
3

I fought back against a narcissistic XW who was sure I’d be paying spousal support, child support, and doomed to a life of couch surfing. She sucked ass in the psych/custody eval. She wound up with odd weekends and 50% - of an estate which she did contribute to by working and saving. I’m in the (former) marital home with the kids. She’s 4 miles away in a much smaller home. Be better than her and record/document all interactions.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/21 06:14 PM
3

Be better than her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 05:16 PM
1

That would have been nice but no. At least it’s done.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/21 01:49 AM
1

She was served at work, and signed the papers a week or so later.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/21 12:39 AM
5

Can confirm all of that, and you can make it out the other side. Document everything and don’t follow her into the gutter, let HER make all the mistakes, which she will. Source: divorced 7 months now from a narc., in the previous marital home, with my boys >50% of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/21 01:20 PM
1

I offered to try one more time at the end, just so I could tell myself that I tried everything possible… but it’s generally worthless if you’re considering divorce IMHO. If you’re not considering divorce, I could see it being helpful for people who want to get along better, and who need tools or better understanding. Every previous attempt for us was pretty much a “bash letak2018” session, and she hated every counselor who dared point out her faults or mistakes.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 06:32 PM
1

Kathy Erickson in McKinney
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/21 11:54 AM
4

Yeah…. Ultimatum is a red flag.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/21 05:43 PM
1

It’s not as simple as that. Not every marriage has a 75% chance of failing. Some have a much higher %, some have a much lower %. 75, or whatever, is just an average.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/21 05:19 PM
1

Well, the question was pointless too, so…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/21 02:44 PM
-1

Funny, I’m actually a pilot.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/21 01:54 AM
1

Well, no, but neither did I, and here we are…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/21 01:53 AM
-1

I also have friends my age and younger who are happily married.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/21 12:06 AM
4

Hey man, never say never. Just be cautious. Divorce rates are stupid high, but not 100%. I do know happy couples. My parents are still married.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/21 07:48 PM
9

My guess is you’re writing it out for validation, which is perfectly fine. Yeah, you’re getting a raw deal and so are your kids. It’s ok to be pissed off and disappointed. When you’re done with that, hopefully sooner rather than later, time for You v2.0. You deserve it and your kids need it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/21 01:23 AM
3

Sorry man. The best you can do is accept it, don’t wonder why, and move on. You got off pretty easily, tbh. Be grateful for that, and make v2.0 of yourself even better.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 10:05 PM
9

To anyone chest deep in the mess now: It’s a second chance at life. It’s worth it. You can do it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 07:50 PM
3

Congrats! This kind of stuff is very typical, so roll with it. The end is nigh.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/21 08:36 PM
3

You gotta stick up for you. Talk to a counselor, then talk to a lawyer. You’ll never look back.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/21 12:01 PM
2

Actually, I think I picked up that tidbit here. Giving back.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/21 10:54 PM
2

For sure. Doesn’t mean they don’t need to fully understand your situation and complaints. They do; it could impact your legal strategy considerably. Just use that time with the lawyer very wisely. My counselor knows quite a bit about divorce and the legal process, she even knows of the judge and my ex’s lawyer. Got very practical advice from her, not just a bunch of navel gazing and feelings exploration.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/21 02:44 PM
2

This. And don’t confuse your lawyer for a therapist. Lawyers are expensive. You’re very young, you will recover from this. My divorce was final at age 49, and I’m doing fine. You’ll be aces. The hardest thing for me was just imagining what life would look like post divorce. It’ll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/21 10:46 PM
2

Did the same thing! Triumph Speed Twin.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/21 03:23 AM
17

Can confirm. My ex-wife tried to get two temporary restraining orders against me. I had enough evidence to make it quite clear to the judge that these attempts were nothing more than an attempt to get around the (unfavorable to her) temporary orders. That episode led to a court ordered psych/custody eval, which led to me attaining primary custody of my kids at mediation. All because I documented and recorded everything I could. It made a very accurate and complete picture of the kind of nutcase …
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 11:48 PM
9

We’ve all been there brother.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/21 05:38 PM
2

Not the ones who are “misbehaving” as well. In my quick peek at the sub I saw some complaints that appeared to be valid, and there are obviously scumbag men out there. If you read into my comment that I’m defending bad behavior from women, that’s on you. Anyway, piss off. I’m not bored enough to tangle with you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/21 01:57 AM
2

I’m not defending anyone’s bad actions. Straw man. Logical fallacy.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/21 01:53 AM
0

Maybe you’re right. I didn’t spend much time surveying them.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/21 12:01 AM
4

That escalated quickly.... We deal with some shitty women on this side. Doesn’t mean they’re all shitty, doesn’t mean we believe that either. They probably deal worth some legit shitty men on their sub.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/21 11:41 PM
-3

In their defense... lotta dirtbags out there.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/21 10:48 PM
2

U/jalfamais had some really good info too. I should thank him, I followed his instructions more or less to the “T”.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/21 04:16 AM
1

Yeah man. Sorry that happened to you. My situation was a little different in that it was something I was considering for a long time until I more or less hit my breaking point. I had prepared for a while before filing. I had a spreadsheet/ diary of all the crappy things she had done to me and the kids. I had audio and video of her acting abusive and quite frankly unhinged. I asked for a custody/ psych eval that was granted. I did really well on that, she did not. Feel free to ask or PM any more …
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/21 04:13 AM
2

Make a list of the steps you have to do and do them. Such as talking to an attorney, gathering info you need, hiring the attorney, filing, etc. It’s not so overwhelming when you break it into small steps. PM me if you need to.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/21 10:25 PM
1

I even described my admittedly amateur diagnosis during interviews with the court appointed psych evaluator. She of course never told me if she agreed or not, but her evaluation clinched the deal for me re: custody.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/21 05:15 PM
3

Yuuuuup paper trail is critical. The money I owed her she got by a wire xfer.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/21 03:43 PM
2

Hey. Get out. I’m holding you accountable. Do it, and report back your progress. I’m serious. Do it. Make steps. Talk to a lawyer. Collect data. Start the process. Report back. Do it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/21 12:45 PM
2

Very similar to my experience, but the revelation came from Wikipedia etc. wish the counselors were as insightful, but I spent that entire time on the defensive. Edit: spelling
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/21 12:41 PM
3

This crazy bitch barely fought for her kids. I got primary custody, she didn’t even ask for right of first refusal or expanded standard custody. Just nuts.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/21 12:22 AM
2

She doesn’t even understand that for the purposes of child custody, weekends begin on Fridays. We’ve been around and around about that twice, even though it is in black-and-white in the divorce decree. Not very difficult to understand.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/21 12:12 AM
6

No idea why she thinks that or if she really believed it. I’m pretty sure it was just a stalling technique. Not sure where this falls on the dumb/crazy scale. Anyway, from my attorney: “Ex wife called my office and asked why she was served. I told her I need a signed and notarized original SWD. She said she signed one and sent it in the envelope provided directly to the lender on Jan 13. I said they said they don’t have it. I will send you another one. She went on and on about problems w the len…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/21 11:37 PM
5

Talk. To. A. Lawyer. Nothing anyone says here matters.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/21 12:28 PM
3

Talk to a lawyer. Or if you move out plan on only seeing the kid when she lets you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/21 12:21 PM
3

This. Learning about NPD and gaslighting was a revelation. She’s still trying to do it (gaslight)! Yesterday we had a disagreement via text over which weekends next month are hers. The orders are quite clear that she has odd (1st, 3rd, 5th) weekends each month and that those weekends start with Friday. So, if a month starts with a Saturday, that doesn’t count as a weekend for the purposes of her possession. We had the exact same argument back in Nov. or Dec. Both times I “won” the argument witho…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/21 09:56 AM
3

Go through my post history over the last 2 years. I went from living with a toxic narcissist and being terrified to do anything to improve my life to being back in my former marital home with primary custody of my 2 boys. It wasn’t easy, and it was expensive, but it can be done. (Plus I’m dating a lot now. A lot)
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/21 04:07 AM
6

It’s super hard to make the first step because you have no idea what your life is going to look like after. Classic fear of the unknown. You deserve better and you have the responsibility to show your kids a healthier relationship and the guts to make hard decisions. Edit: and I know all of this because I was exactly in your shoes 2 years ago. For a long time before that I was somewhat resigned to a life of misery. I didn’t know if I’d be forced to go couch surfing if I filed, didn’t know if I’d…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/21 10:23 PM
2

My ex wife did. Fired first one right after she didn’t get the sun, moon & stars after our temporary orders hearing. Didn’t do her any good at all. But if yours is non-responsive, then fire away.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/21 03:59 AM
6

The only counselor that my ex didn’t like was the one who was pretty fair about our respective communication problems and hang ups. The ones who would go along with the “pile on the dude”, she loved. We’re divorced now. I got the kids after a psych/custody eval. I’m happy.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/21 04:51 PM
3

My divorce was finalized in October. I’m back in the house, with the kids, and didn’t have to pay an arm and a leg. It’s possible.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/21 03:15 PM
1

If you were closer to me (D/FW area) I’d recommend my attorney. You need one badly. A good one.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/21 03:55 AM
1

Where in TX are you?
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/21 03:30 AM
1

Bite the bullet, get a lawyer, get it done. Keep a diary of every shitty thing she’s done. Make records. Get evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/21 12:07 PM
1

Talk to lawyer and counselor. I’ve been there. I got out. Never happier. You can too. You deserve it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/21 01:23 PM
3

Talk to lawyer. If you move out, do you think it will be easy to get back in?
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/21 01:06 AM
1

That’s abuse dude.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 12:39 PM
1

I think it’s more about spending money on lavish dates and buying gifts when it comes time to divide assets.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/21 03:45 AM
17

You’re not divorced yet. So follow lawyer’s guidance re: dating before it’s final. After that... Believe it or not, you’re young, and there’s plenty of women out there. Spend energy and time on improving yourself, and get out there.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/21 04:25 PM
3

I’m seeing lots of good advice here. Take it to heart. You were bad, you know it, that’s great. Good for you for owning up to your failures. No need to martyr yourself any more than the law will do to you. Even if you feel terrible now, stick up for future you. You will thank yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/21 03:28 AM
3

I was exactly where you are about 2 years ago. Divorce final in October. For a long time I was resigned to stick it out, until it clicked that I was displaying a terrible relationship for my 2 boys. I filed, we separated, went through the whole custody/psych eval process, and I am now back in my house with my two boys. She lives about 4 miles away and the boys see her alternate weekends. I’m happier, the house is peaceful and calm. The boys are probably less stressed... hell, she’s probably happ…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/21 04:21 AM
4

All great advice, mostly things I’ve been doing and have been enjoying me 2.0 immensely.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/21 05:08 AM
2

My wife gets 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends and Wednesdays. I get them the rest of the time. Edit: Texas
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/21 09:23 PM
2

I got primary custody, in TX that means she has them first, third and fifth weekends, and she has Wednesday nights too. Holidays alternate.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/21 04:11 AM
1

Those 15 years are sunk costs. Now you either cut your losses and start fresh or pour more time/effort into something that's *gone*. Straight from Wikipedia: ​ "People demonstrate "a greater tendency to continue an endeavor once an investment in money, effort, or time has been made."[18][19] This is the sunk cost fallacy, and such behavior may be described as "throwing good money after bad,"[20][15] while refusing to succumb to what may be described as "cutting one's losses".[15] For example, so…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/20 02:20 AM
1

Congrats! Enjoy your new life, hope you have a solid support network of friends, family, and professionals. If not, work on that.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/20 05:32 AM
3

This reads like me 2 years ago. Talk to a lawyer, stat. Talk to a counselor. Read about emotionally abusive relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/20 04:35 AM
1

Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/20 12:08 AM
1

I hope so too.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/20 03:41 AM
3

Congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/20 03:41 AM
0

Document all of this. Will come in handy if you do need to divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/20 05:35 AM
2

I was prepared to live in misery and put on the happy face for the kids. Then I realized I was showing them a horrible way to live their lives. I have peace now. No nagging. No screaming. No arguing. Have plenty of stuff to do. Lots of dates, sports, friends, you name it. And I have the kids most of the time too, so they see what life is like with a stable adult.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/20 05:39 AM
4

Don’t fall for the doom and gloom narrative. I’ve been listening to that from certain people in this sub for over a year. I mediated, got primary custody, kept over 50% of the estate, including a nice lump sum because she refused to pay child support. Yes. She was going to have to pay child support, even though I make much more than her.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/20 05:32 AM
1

Hey man, you and I are (well, I was) in similar situations. I’m late 40’s, we’re both in professional careers. Her bitchiness got worse and worse over time. Finally realized I was being emotionally abused. Long story short, I documented the heck out of everything. Kept a diary. Recorded her angry out bursts. I played it cool the whole time. We mediated last month. I got primary possession and the house. Didn’t have to give her too much $ because she has been working and saving too. Talk to a law…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/20 05:28 AM
3

So.... get ‘er done.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/20 05:32 PM
6

I’m glad I made every effort to try to save things even though I knew my efforts were most likely destined to be fruitless. At least I can say “I tried”: ...to try to address the emotional/psych abuse that my kids and I were experiencing. ...to mediate early for a quick and fair settlement. ...to give her one more chance to mediate without going through a whole custody eval. All of that failed, we went to mediation after she got roasted in the custody eval, and I got primary custody and the hous…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/20 01:36 AM
3

I had been on the fence and preparing for months. The straw that broke the camel’s back was her (loud) accusations that I was lying to my son because I referred to something as “my” that didn’t belong to me. What we were talking about is a very (multi-million$) expensive piece of hardware that I use at work. I use it, I’m in charge of it, it’s mine in the sense that the captain of an aircraft carrier would refer to the ship as “his”. I know it may seem moot, but it was completely wacky and just …
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/20 09:22 PM
1

Haven’t talked to my attorney yet but I did find this: https://www.divorcemediationtexas.com/what-we-do/child-support/what-it-is#Can-we-do-different
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/20 08:06 AM
2

Realizing you need to heal: victory
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/20 06:42 PM
5

Deciding I probably needed divorce was my first victory. Meeting with my attorney was my second. Deciding to retain, and following through with that decision was my third. Getting a favorable temporary orders decision that allowed me to spend well over 50% of the time with my kids was next. Beating two frivolous attempts at restraining orders... Getting an overwhelmingly positive custody/psych eval... Getting a favorable mediated settlement was the latest. Primary possession, buying my wife out …
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/20 06:06 PM
1

Yikes. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/20 12:53 AM
2

Thanks man, appreciate it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 09:55 PM
1

I got more custody because I'm the more stable and supportive parent per the custody evaluation. Also she works a regular 8-5 job and I work (travel) about 10 days/mo. All of this (my work schedule) has been gone over with a fine-toothed comb by the evaluator and the attorneys.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 07:46 PM
1

The judge in my case is supposedly sort of a lightweight so I don't expect her to read too much. We'll see. I expect it to be on her desk in a week or two.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 07:44 PM
1

I'm not confused at all, thank you, nor am I selective on posting facts. My wife's behavior toward myself and the kids did play a heavy role in how this shook out, I'm sure she wanted to avoid a trial and the added expense of hiring her own expert to try to counter the expert that we agreed upon last year. Edit: I'm guessing her lawyer told her that would be most likely fruitless and expensive for her. Ironic, she told me this would cost a lot of money. True, but it cost her more, and I'll recov…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 07:43 PM
1

that is an excellent point, I've read that about TX and child support. I'll have to ask my attorney how that's possible. Two attorneys and the mediator (naturally also an attorney) came up with that last night. I'll ask and post what I find out. Or maybe I'll keep quiet and let it go. (thanks u/Downtowndex72)
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 07:42 PM
2

Thank you. She makes less than me, actually. She makes low 6 figures, I do about 1.5-2X her. She's furious because she's seen herself as the victim of a vast conspiracy in this from day 1. She accused me of plotting the divorce for a long time (ok, I had. I collected evidence of her abuse), she fired her first lawyer after the temp. hearing didn't go her way. The kids were super forthright in their interviews with the evaluator - and she has seen and read that report, I'm sure.... so really, she…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 07:39 PM
2

We did a psych/custody eval that was heavily in my favor. The final settlement was close to the terms that the evaluator recommended. I've alleged (and proved) abuse from the get-go. I played audio of her screaming rants in court at our temporary hearing just over a year ago. Since then, she's filed 2 emergency TROs (both denied) and acted like a complete jackass toward myself and the children - all well documented for the evaluator and the court. Numerous easily provable lies.... you name it. S…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 07:36 PM
1

Thank you. Here to spread a message of hope. Good things are possible.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 01:04 PM
1

Uh, actually I’m quite a bit older and it was a substantial (7 figure) estate. Lol...
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 01:02 PM
2

TX
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 01:01 PM
1

Nope.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 05:27 AM
1

Long story. Originally my request, granted at temporary hearing. Then I agreed to waive it to go to mediation quickly. Then she tried to take a few more bites at the apple by filing TROs, so we did it, and as I said, she got roasted. Evaluator recommended I have exclusive right to determine residence and have majority possession of the kids, as well as other things. Mediation tomorrow. Wish me luck.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/20 03:14 AM
7

Separated one year exactly today, in a comfortable bed in a comfortable apartment and I’ve had the kids most of the time since then. Custody evaluation went overwhelmingly in my favor, mediation is this week, and I’m doing some house shopping. Things can go well Edit: oh yeah, and I don’t have to see/talk to my abuser anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/20 04:09 PM
1

Nah. They’re all in a different state, unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/20 03:51 AM
1

Bruh. I appreciate your concern. The evaluator recommended me be the custodial conservator so I think I’m doing ok.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/20 03:50 AM
2

Thanks. I’ve been using a babysitter service, some friends, and neighborhood kids to help out. I have an extra room that could serve as a live-in’s room, but I’m not sure I’d need someone that much. I’m gone about 10 days/mo. and some of those they’d be with mom anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/20 03:49 AM
1

I’m a pilot, so you’re basically recommending unemployment. Thanks. The custody evaluator was pretty happy with my parenting skills.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/20 06:27 PM
1

I’d say a two pronged approach... some serious marriage and individual counseling and prepare yourself for the possibility that this could end. Look at the laws in your state/ country, talk to a lawyer, do whatever. Nobody goes into a marriage with the intention or belief that it’ll end, but unfortunately it happens more often than not. Can you picture yourself in this relationship in 10 years as it currently stands? Probably not, right? You need to make a serious effort to either change it or g…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/20 04:23 AM
2

Yeah, I always said to myself that love is an action. I chose to do it until I couldn’t anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/20 04:20 AM
3

I’m super happy for, and very proud of my kids. They expressed over and over what their preference was - a difficult feat for pre-teens to do. I also hope this serves as a wake up for the STBX so she can become a healthy and productive parent. I would greatly prefer to have her onboard.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/20 04:16 AM
3

Believe it or not you’re young and this is not the end of the world. Come back strong ok?
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/20 10:18 AM
1

That’s why I’m posting. It’s possible. You can do it. This forum gave me some advice and hope in the beginning, happy to return the favor.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/20 05:52 PM
2

The evaluator saw through all of her shit. The report was weeks late, probably related to the COVID, but it was all worth it. I was well documented with a diary of incidents and audio/video. It was all helpful, but the underlying fact is that she has done serious issues and I’m not perfect but I’m a pretty good guy and good Dad.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/20 05:50 PM
1

Thank you! There’s hope.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/20 05:56 AM
3

Here’s another gem: the evaluator rated myself as “above average” intelligence and the STBX only as “average”. THAT is gonna piss her off.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/20 05:49 AM
2

Fair enough. Thanks for heads up.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/20 03:19 AM
2

The recording (audio and video) was SO helpful for me. Good work.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/20 01:40 AM
7

Something I’ve learned: don’t listen to naysayers who say you’re doomed, there’s nothing you can do, it’s all rigged, judges don’t care. Sure, you might be in a situation like that. You might not. Fight for what’s right. Your kids will be happier and healthier.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/20 01:39 AM
1

I’ll look into that. They were denied but I’ll ask anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/20 01:36 AM
1

Your case sounds a lot like mine, maybe worse. Not much physical abuse, just mental/emotional. Going through all this has been a pain in the butt at times but still mostly a peaceful improvement over my old home life. No regrets.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/20 01:34 AM
1

Good luck. Hope your evaluator is even half as sharp as mine. She nailed it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/20 01:32 AM
1

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/20 10:42 PM
4

Exactly right. This is what I’ve tried to do, and it’s worked out well. Stand up for the kids, don’t pay attention to her bulllshit, let her sink herself.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/20 10:42 PM
5

Absolutely not. Do some kind of charitable work if you need to help someone and find purpose.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/20 01:59 AM
6

I had to do this about a year ago. We didn’t tell them anything until right after our temporary hearing. I simply told them that their mother and I thought it would be better if we lived apart from each other, and that I would be moving out, and that I wanted their help in finding a new place, because they would be there half the time too. Then we looked at an apartment that was across the street from our subdivision. We spent a lot of time picking beds and making their new home as comfortable a…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/20 05:12 AM
1

Nope.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/20 08:39 PM
1

Yup. I’ve seen this exact kind of behavior from my STBX. Petty and childish. Ignore.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/20 08:37 PM
1

Ahh, let me guess. You’re in the “nothing anyone does or says matters, the judge doesn’t care” crowd. Well let me educate you. I’ve made a habit of documenting STBX’s crazy behavior from well before the day I filed. Since then, I’ve secured favorable temporary orders, defended myself from two emergency temporary restraining orders, and had the kids with me every day except alternating weekends since mid-March and will have them every day except alternating weekends minus her vacation time and ow…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/20 10:51 AM
5

Yeah, looking back I was gaslit a lot, and I was always the one to apologize first. Even if I was 100% “right”. “Emotional tyranny” is dead on.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/20 04:33 AM
2

Yeah it was little by little over about 9 years. It started slow, with more and more controlling behavior. By the time I punched out I dreaded her getting home from work. there was no affection, I was on eggshells whenever she was around, and she was losing her mind in rage episodes several times/month. Before I considered getting out I had pretty much resigned myself to a lifetime of misery. Now, 10 months after moving out, I’m much healthier and happier in every way. There’s still some stress …
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/20 04:30 AM
1

Same, had to take the test for myself and also take “tests” regarding each of my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/20 05:40 AM
1

You’re welcome. Good luck to you, hope your case works out well for you and your kids. Tbh I’m pretty realistic here, I’m not counting on anything radical happening, but I feel like I’ve had to give it my best effort, for the sake of my kids. As I’ve said before we’re pretty much 50/50 right now, and it wouldn’t be the worst thing if it stayed that way. I’m sort of hoping for some kind of wake up call for the STBX - that’s probably wishful thinking too. She has a nice echo chamber/ enabler in he…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/20 05:39 AM
0

Something I should add: after our temp. hearing she fired her attorney. After that happened I heard from mine that her recently fired attorney had called mine to test the waters about settling 50/50 and waiving the eval. I guess her attorney figured that was the best deal she would get. Unfortunately STBX screwed all that up by filing the TROs and trying to throw me under the bus.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 05:51 AM
1

At the first hearing the audio and video that I had were definitely effective, and this isn’t just my speculation. The judge said so. She got caught in a lie on the stand, that couldn’t have helped at all. When I was defending myself against temporary restraining orders I think the fact that she was making allegations about how horrible a monster I am, when she made no previous allegations like that was a problem for her. Plus the fact that I could quite easily (with documentation) refute her al…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 05:44 AM
1

Man, I really wish I could answer your question but every case is different. All I know is what’s happened to me so far. If I had to guess I’d say that the fact that you’re putting so much effort into it has got to say a lot.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 02:53 AM
1

If you’re right, I have 50/50 kids with no spousal support. Not so bad huh? I owe it to my kids to try to do better.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 01:48 AM
1

I cooked dinner and then built a science project kit with the kids. One kid is ADD so I made allowances for his typical behavior/needs as always. I had a family picture including the STBX visible. I didn’t go crazy cleaning or anything, but we were reasonably put together. I’m a normal guy and a good dad and I get along with my kids so that’s how I acted. Whatever is normal for you, do. Unless it’s really effed up I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 01:26 AM
1

Who hurt you?
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 12:46 AM
3

Good question, meant to answer that in the OP. They asked who should be the decision maker re: education, medical, psych, where the kids should live, who they should be with when and why, things like that. Also who has a better relationship with the kids, who provides better emotionally and for physical needs. — All questions that the court tasked the evaluator with answering. The way things are now, we are sharing the kids roughly 50/50. She works full time and I work only about 10 days/mo. To …
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 12:10 AM
1

Thanks. Yeah, it’s all about the kids. One has anxiety issues, and the judge commented about her screaming and cursing with regards to that. The kids know and approve of the fact that I’m going through this battle in the hopes of getting to keep them with me more. They are completely matter of fact and not shy at all about preferring to stay with me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/20 11:44 PM
1

It was court ordered per my request, to be clear.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/20 09:58 PM
2

Will do.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/20 09:58 PM
2

And it was a custody/psych eval of both of us, per my request.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/20 05:04 AM
1

Update: had the teleconference yesterday morning. If any of you all are interested, it was basically the evaluator asking us the questions that the court asked her to answer: who should have primary custody, who should be responsible for making decisions regarding the children, who should decide where the children live, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/20 05:03 AM
1

Well the big stuff is she works 9-5 M-F and I work about 10 days/mo. so I have a pretty solid case for having the kids with me most of the time. Documenting the “little stuff” has proven useful and it probably prevented the kids from being taken away in two emergency restraining orders that she filed because I had painted a clear enough picture of her being a crazy loose cannon.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/20 11:34 PM
1

She sounds like a piece of work.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/20 11:31 PM
1

Possibly true in your case. So far the judges (3) have been concerned about her behavior, as evidenced by their rulings on various topics. Thanks for your input but I think it’s more self reflective than reflective of my situation.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/20 11:30 PM
2

We are in a custody dispute and she’s lying to make me look like an unfit parent.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/20 01:59 PM
1

Financials is part of it, but also other things that will be used if the case goes back to court. Yes we are in the midst of a custody dispute, and her intent is to make me look like an unfit parent. Pretty sure I should refute her claims and point out her intent to deceive, especially as deceit seems to be her biggest strategy in the case. So far she’s lied during every interaction with the court, and now with the custody evaluator.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/20 01:58 PM
1

Yeah it’s all part of the process. My STBX and I have both met with her separately.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/20 02:56 AM
2

Originally my request for her, was happy to submit as well.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/20 02:55 AM
1

Good times.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/20 05:37 AM
1

Thanks. Good advice, especially the bit about requiring all documents before it begins. She hasn’t produced anything yet, document-wise. And I’ve already produced updates to my production. She hasn’t even responded to her lawyer’s messages about several non-compliance issues I’ve brought up. It’s almost like she’s incommunicado with her legal team. It’s been over 20 days. I sorta think the mediation is going to be a waste of time and she’s not going to do shit until she’s forced to.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/20 12:44 AM
1

Thanks. I get what you’re saying. FWIW this is just kind of my cheat sheet, not a list of demands that I’m going to plop on the table.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/20 12:39 AM
2

Keep a diary or spreadsheet of abusive behavior. Record audio and video if you can. I went to court (and a custody evaluation) with months of documented behavior plus audio and video and it put me in a relatively good position, I think. You gotta stick it out there as long as you can. Don’t leave. Get proof. Be there for your kids. Check avvo.com for lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/20 01:31 PM
1

Yeah there are various retirement accounts but we’re in TX so I’m pretty sure that stuff will be split 50/50. She hasn’t been awarded any spousal maintenance or child support and the possession has been 50/50 so far so I’m not seeing any change from the status quo there, unless it’s recommended by the custody eval.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/20 04:48 AM
1

Thanks. A lot of the issues have been already been addressed in the temporary orders or will be semi-determined by the results of the custody eval. The things I’ve written down are mostly designed to be bilateral, i.e. designed to protect both of us equally. Some of them I’d be willing to give way on a little or completely. I just don’t want to walk into this with zero ideas about what to aim for. That seems stupid.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/20 03:08 AM
2

Actually, I don’t want to stay in her life at all. For months the only communication I’ve had with her is a text saying I’m here to pick up the kids. What I’m trying to do is fool-proof the future as much as possible. Currently she won’t let the kids talk to me when they’re at her house, I place no restrictions on them. She won’t let them bring things from her house to mine, again, I place no restrictions on them. She won’t give me access to social security #s or other vital documents, she has t…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/20 01:44 AM
0

And actually I’m prepared to give up the request for funds for past actions. You have to give up something in a negotiation, right?
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/20 09:03 PM
0

Thanks. I’m prepared to bend on a lot of this, this is mostly my “dream demands”. I just have to go in with what some sort of goals in mind.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/20 08:59 PM
0

Actually a lot of that is covered by our temporary agreement already. I will most likely transfer a lot of that into the final. But thanks, I will have to take a look at a lot of that.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/20 08:57 PM
0

I’d like to figure out a great way to humiliate her about this.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/20 12:29 AM
1

Social Security administration. They’re probably closed due to the virus. Smh
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/20 12:28 AM
5

I asked my lawyer to do this... she said she’d try and get ahold of her client. That was on the 3rd. Lesson learned.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/20 12:27 AM
2

They’re digital and they’re all xxx’d out.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/20 11:56 PM
2

Call in where?
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/20 11:43 PM
1

My STBX is trying to alienate me from the kids but they are old enough and smart enough to know how messed up she is. It’s just sad.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/20 11:43 PM
5

Hah. Well, I hired an attorney and she filed before I had a chance to broach the subject. There was some miscommunication there, I guess. I had planned to try to get into counseling. She found out when she got a letter from another lawyer looking for her business. Rearview mirror, it was all for the best. Edit: get an attorney’s advice on how to do this.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/20 03:32 AM
2

You’re welcome. Sounds like you actually have a pretty healthy and realistic outlook about your situation. It does suck, your concerns are legit, the world is in a scary situation right now, but you will get through all of this. So do what you can do now: take care of yourself and your parents and whoever else you can through this time.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/20 06:49 PM
1

It’s true, lots of people have it a lot worse than you do, and previous generations have dealt with calamities like the pandemic and worse, but that doesn’t mean that your response to it all isn’t real. This shit sucks and it can be a blow to mental health. Take that seriously. Get professional help if you can or talk it out with someone you can trust.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/20 05:24 AM
1

Following this, I may be in a similar situation in a few months.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/20 05:17 AM
1

You’re right. Thanks, will do.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/20 05:12 AM
2

I have actually been looking at some CBs as well, and I have special place in my heart for boxer engine BMWs. The CBX looks badass.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/20 02:08 AM
3

Well, let’s see here.... I was looking at a few used bikes at a local shop: BMW F800GT Honda CTX700NE and was also thinking about a Triumph Speed Twin... a different one catches my eye every other day, seems like.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/20 12:37 AM
1

Looking at a few, man... lol... Thanks for the reality dose.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/20 09:59 PM
1

Thanks, need a little reality dose every once in a while.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/20 09:57 PM
2

Thanks, we have RTFR now but it’s 8 hours. Need to get that cranked WAY down to 3 (hopefully) which means the kids will be with me pretty much all summer as she works 9-5 M-F and I have a much more flexible job. Also they can come to my place after school instead of a sitter or Grampa.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/20 07:44 PM
1

I’ve already had a temporary hearing, moved out per court orders, I’m represented by an attorney. Mediation is coming up after the psych/CE report and if that fails a court date is set for end of summer.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/20 04:23 PM
1

I removed certain things from the house before I told her. She didn’t break anything, but ymmv. All of the evidence I had really helped set the tone and has helped me look like the reasonable one. The fact that she got caught lying on the stand (and in later affidavits) hasn’t helped her case either.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/20 04:20 PM
8

I was in a toxic marriage with two kids as well. Get all your ducks in a row (as much as you can/as is practical) and then do it. I’m going on a year since filing, and my life is so much more peaceful now. In fact, it was more peaceful immediately, mostly because she went into lockdown war mode. There was a “straw that broke the camel’s back” type moment and I just knew I had to do it. I had some friends hold me accountable to make sure I hired the lawyer the next day, but I didn’t hesitate at a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/20 11:23 AM
3

Actually, start typing a list here. You need to get over this hump.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 07:22 PM
2

Godammit quit messing around and get it done! Edit: while you’re waiting you sit there with a pencil and write all the shit she’s done.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 07:15 PM
1

I’m not sure, it’s all important I guess. I don’t have a huge support network here; no family, just some school and soccer parents. I also use a babysitter service with a scheduling app.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 02:51 PM
1

Not in the home visit but all of those things have been discussed in interviews.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 02:28 PM
3

Report back here when you’re done. I’m holding you accountable.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 11:07 AM
1

Went well I think. I gave a detailed description under another comment in this thread. If you have any questions, please ask.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 11:02 AM
1

Thank you. Went well, I think. I cooked dinner then we started working on a Kiwi Co kit together. My younger son was pretty engaged but my older son has ADHD so he participated between playing basketball. She (evaluator) asked about that, and I said I let him take breaks from whatever, just like he can do in school. She asked if I have any pics of the boys’ mom in the house, I do, and I pointed it out. She asked about the rifle range target that’s up in the boy’s room. Turns out we shoot at the …
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 11:00 AM
1

Thanks, I did ask for this initially, was willing to give up on that request to expedite things, and then she tried pulling some shit on me, so here we are...
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 10:51 AM
2

Thanks, that’s exactly why we’re doing the evaluation.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 04:29 AM
2

Got some up, thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 04:14 AM
5

Thanks, this was my idea (the eval), she’s kinda horrible. Narcissist, emotionally abusive, has been caught lying to the court several times. We are well organized with meals and school stuff. Thank you for the feedback.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 04:13 AM
2

Kids are 9 and 12 and pretty responsible. Have a Gun safe, no porn. Plenty of alternate games. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 04:10 AM
1

In the process of!
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/19 09:13 PM
2

Well, maybe less “dating” and more “socializing with a chance of sex”.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/19 04:45 AM
1

Thank you sir. Endured the CPS visit yesterday’s which was actually a cakewalk, as everyone quickly read between the lines on this one. See my new post from a minute ago.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/19 04:45 AM
1

In the course of my divorce proceedings I’ve used iPhone recordings/video, mini usb drive audio, Nest can video, and I’m strongly considering installing dash cams. I’m like a effing secret agent. All of that evidence has made a HUGE difference; in the initial temporary hearing and in squashing two attempts at attaining restraining orders against me. When it comes down to her word against yours... well, don’t let it come to that. Ever.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/19 05:59 PM
3

Yeah what’s it take to get a perjury charge???
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/19 03:46 AM
2

Privyet! I don’t know how things work in the Rodina, but be as healthy as you can and stay strong and be good for your son. Fathers are important no matter where they live. If she is abusive or has other problems, make sure to document it as thoroughly as you can. Hopefully that will help. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/19 10:32 PM
3

Good work man. Document everything. Do your homework. Get great recordings. In my first hearing the recordings made all the difference. The judge was going to leave us in the same house until she heard that craziness. Between our first hearing and an affidavit she signed trying to get a restraining order, I’ve got at least 4 solid lies to beat her with. Narcissism and greed will destroy her. Just be patient and steady.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/19 06:03 AM
3

I’m seeing a pattern man, even the times that it seems like everything is going to be peaceful and split up amicably, it usually isn’t. Get a lawyer, be prepared to hunker down and fight. Sorry buddy, that’s just the way it is.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/19 10:16 PM
1

Thanks buddy. It got a bit more complicated since I posted that. Last week she called the police and probably CPS on me. They investigated, found nothing wrong. She filed for a TRO and her affidavit was full of easily provable lies. Denied by judge. Now we are skipping mediation and going to the psych/custody evals which I was previously willing to skip. She keeps trying to screw me and keeps making it worse for herself.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/19 07:17 PM
1

Don’t count on any kind of sanity continuing no matter what her past has been. Maybe you’ll be in the 0.001% where it can stay sane and amicable, but the odds are not in your favor.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/19 01:26 AM
2

Good point re: house rules and all that. Have already had that talk and my son realized his mistake immediately. I’ve already installed cameras to protect myself from further spurious claims. In her affidavit she actually said “I am scared for my safety and the safety of the children.” Apparently the judge remembered that she’s a liar and that no allegations of any abuse or temper problems were made against me during the initial hearing. All of the allegations of abuse and rage (plus the recordi…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/19 08:15 PM
2

Sometimes things just aren’t in your control, my friend. The best thing you can do now is accept your new reality and move forward for as great a future as you can have. Do it. You owe it to yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/19 03:23 AM
5

“Majority of the time men are the assholes”??? Not sure where you get that brother. Sounds like you may be making a few assumptions that have been fed to you by pop culture. I don’t know who this Pauline is, but I’m going to check her out. Sounds like she might be awesome.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/19 03:38 AM
3

Sorry to hear this buddy. Get a lawyer. Sorry to have to tell you that, but get a lawyer. Get a lawyer. Get a lawyer. Did you hear me? Get a lawyer. Be pleasant, polite, amicable, and get a lawyer. I know amicable divorces do happen, rarely. But much more often they start that way until you feel the stiletto between your ribs. So... well you already know what I was gonna say.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/19 03:06 AM
1

Thanks buddy. Exactly right.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/19 12:02 AM
4

Yup, that makes sense. She is starting a full time job at which she will do quite well - she is a medical professional - but still make about half what I do. We are in TX, so she will be in the sweet spot of being able to support herself very nicely and thus not requiring spousal maintenance but still moving down a few rungs from where she was. She has earned herself a trip to the psych/custody eval, which we were going to forgo in favor of getting this over with.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/19 05:01 PM
1

That’s where I’m doing mine and it’s going about as well as it can.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/19 01:24 AM
4

Yeah that’s right on man. 100%
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/19 01:23 AM
3

Hey, you and I were in very similar marriages, I’m a few steps ahead of you in the process. I concentrated on making my new home as comfortable and as welcoming a place as I could for my two boys, and they really like it. I can’t say the whole process has gone off without a hitch, but it’s better than it would have been had I stayed in a miserable and abusive existence. I’m demonstrating a much better example of how to live and be happy than I was by being with an effing b*tch screaming at and m…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/19 09:48 PM
2

Thanks, good advice. That’s exactly the kind of stuff I was hoping for.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/19 09:12 PM
4

Big time. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/19 02:02 PM
3

She was not aware. It was admissible here in TX.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/19 02:01 PM
3

I had plenty of recordings (both audio and video) and a lengthy diary of emotional abuse going into my divorce. The audio really made the judge realize exactly what was going on in the house. Super important to have all that stuff. Edit: GET AN ATTORNEY ASAP
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/19 03:48 AM
2

Omg why so long? I’m in TX too and was hoping to get this done relatively quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/19 02:49 PM
4

Hey buddy, I first visited my attorney last December, filed in March, first hearing was July, moved out less than a week later, and I still have a hard time believing that she really is such a horrible sick person DESPITE everything my friends have said, everything my family has said, everything my lawyer has said, everything my counselor has said, everything the judge has said, everything the domestic abuse hotline people told me, and what my kids tell me. I mean I know it, but it just doesn’t …
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/19 04:55 AM
1

Lawyer up, get a counselor, get a network of friends who will listen to you with sympathy and advice. You need all the help you can get. And keep this in mind: when all of these allegations are found to be baseless, it’s going to make her look really bad, and you really good. So keep your chin up and keep your eye on the prize.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/19 04:22 AM
2

Parent, pastor, counselor, trusted friend, wish I had an easy answer. It took a while for me to realize how messed up things really were and a while for me to actually act on it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/19 02:29 AM
1

Set for 09 OCT.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/19 11:30 PM
2

I’m dealing with an expensive divorce pitted against someone who is actively rotten to me and the kids; every day of this is an improvement over the situation that I left, for me, and most importantly, for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/19 07:45 PM
2

Needs a slap of reality.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/19 06:41 PM
3

Write down everything and get a good attorney. The best you can afford, if not better.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/19 06:17 PM
1

I went from living in a 3600ft² house to living in a 2 bedroom apartment. But I am happy and comfortable in the apartment. No screaming. No arguing. No walking of eggshells. And my kids are happy here. It’s a fun, happy place. And we won’t be here forever. BONUS: I have the AC turned down to like 65°!!! Every day here is better than every day with the narcissistic b*tch.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/19 03:42 AM
1

Think of things this way: right now you are teaching your kids that her behavior is acceptable and that this is a normal healthy relationship. That realization is what got me off my butt. If you can’t cure her, and you can’t, you owe it to yourself and your kids to at least live in peace and show them what they should expect from relationships and how to be happy as much as possible for the rest of their lives.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/19 03:39 AM
1

Start keeping a diary/spreadsheet of everything that happens with her. Record her outbursts with a phone or other device. I’m going through a similar situation, narcissistic wife with frequent rage attacks and other forms of emotional abuse. I’m in TX, so it may be a vastly different result for you, but my first hearing went very well, and I give a lot of credit to the documenting I did.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/19 03:35 AM
1

Hard no.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/19 10:06 PM
1

Supposedly the lawyers came to an agreement. If I have any issues after today I’ll figure out what that means and try it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/19 10:45 PM
1

Pretty good I think. My lawyer thinks I’d have a pretty good shot at getting exclusive right to designate residence and school if I were to go to trial. She is being pretty erratic I think. She fired her lawyer after the hearing, I think she is so divorced from reality that she blames her attorney for the outcome. She’s being nasty every chance she gets. I just laugh and write it down. My car was totaled, and her name is on the title, but she won’t sign it so I can get a check from insurance. Al…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/19 03:31 AM
5

Can confirm. Make sure your lawyer has enough facts to make your case, but be try to be efficient in getting that information across. I did do a little whining at first but it turned out to be handy because then she knew more details of her behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/19 05:55 PM
7

Don’t move out. Get a lawyer. Get therapy. Talk to people who can get you away from the overwhelmed feeling. You have to be solid for yourself and your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/19 02:11 PM
1

Thanks. I’m hopeful as well. I’m in TX where it’s fairly limited - 5 years max, and only if the former spouse can’t support themselves. The judge came down on her pretty good, told her she’s gonna have to work. Plus, she wasn’t awarded spousal maintenance or child support in the temporary. Judge was pretty rational and fair overall, I thought. Of course, I figured it would have made more sense for her to leave the house, but whatever. For the price of a mortgage payment I’ve bought peace and qui…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/19 04:00 AM
1

Yes, fairly large, because she’s been working part time. However, she is in a profession that will allow her to take good care of herself - and there’s a hearing scheduled to make sure that she is in fact transitioning to full time work. So for now, she’s paying all of the utilities and bills at the house and I’m still picking up the mortgage. As we move into mediation, I’m considering trying to get back into that house because I think I’d be able to buy her out, and it would be the most stable …
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/19 03:29 AM
2

We can’t know the whole situation there, but lying down and paying for everything doesn’t sound like a solution for you or for the children. The kids need to be taken care of, but they also need to see a dad who can take care of himself. Not only that, you can’t take care of the kids properly unless you take care of yourself. My current situation: 2 weeks after first hearing, I’m out of the house in an almost completely furnished apartment. Still paying the mortgage at the house, along with my r…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/19 10:39 PM
1

Thanks, I’ll just add it to the spreadsheet. We finally did get the cat for a few nights while they’re with me, and she was incredibly nasty to the kids when we dropped by. It’s really sad that she’s using the kids and their pets to try to strike at me. Typical though.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/19 03:54 AM
2

Right there with you on day 2 of being out of the house. My boys are in the other room, relaxed and excited about not living in the constantly toxic atmosphere and listening to all the screaming and fighting. I’m looking forward to not having every decision questioned and being glared at by a low-grade psychopath. Happy cake day.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/19 11:22 PM
1

Thanks. Sound advice.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/19 11:19 PM
1

The point is, she was making it a point of contention while simultaneously saying she didn’t want to do that. Typical passive aggressive power move. Thanks for the feedback.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/19 10:15 PM
1

I had a “last straw” type moment one evening, and told a few friends that I was going to file the next day, and asked them to hold me accountable for that decision if I chickened out.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/19 11:38 AM
1

Had my temporary orders hearing Monday. Tonight’s my first night at my apartment with my boys. The peace and calm is well worth it so far. Addendum: I did everything I could and gave her every chance before I pulled the trigger. Even after I pulled the trigger. She told me to “stick it up my ass”. Load off my back and I can be a better example to my kids now. Maybe a harder way to go in a way, but overall better Disclaimer: Ever situation is unique.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/19 02:40 AM
1

All over it. They helped me pick an apartment today and will help me furnish it. Thanks for the feedback.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/19 12:59 AM
1

Thanks to everyone for their support through this, though it’s just the first stage . Again I have to say u/jalfamais has a great book out on the subject. My lawyer really liked the worksheet that I had and incorporated a lot of it into her direct exam. I’m optimistic about my prospects as this continues.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/19 11:18 PM
3

Thanks. Supposedly I have a reasonable judge. We’ll see!
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/19 11:25 PM
3

Thank you, I appreciate your kind words and support. I actually called the domestic abuse hotline (twice), and they concurred with my opinion that what I was experiencing was emotional/psychological abuse. That was truly an eye opener. I think I found an adaptation of the Duluth model for men online. I took each item in the wheel and listed examples of how she does each thing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/19 11:24 PM
3

What do you mean by that?
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/19 11:05 PM
1

You will get nowhere trying to mediate. You need to file now. Hopefully she’ll get some orders to stop her destructive behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/19 11:46 PM
2

Looks like we’re going to be fighting over the house and kids. I have a job where I’m away from home about 10 days/month (and no other duties), but when she starts working full time she’ll be M-F 8-6. As it stands she works on a contract basis a few days per week now. I have video of her physically assaulting me and screaming rage attacks, plus my child has told his counselor about her emotionally abusive behavior. I have a detailed log going back about 10 months of her behavior toward me and on…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/19 01:12 PM
1

Yikes! What state was that in?
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/19 01:12 AM
1

Think of this as a way to improve your life. You might have to get creative, but it’s a way to make major changes that you couldn’t have before. Hopefully you can do that.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/19 01:11 AM
1

Thank you!!!
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/19 07:27 PM
4

I say “rip off the band-aid”.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/19 03:30 PM
5

Get out. Otherwise you’re teaching your kids to normalize fucked up behavior. Don’t do that.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/19 03:29 PM
1

Thanks. I’m trying to stay in here because my job leaves me at home a lot more than hers, I can be here before and after school most of the time. We’ll see...
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/19 05:30 AM
1

Did you file yet?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/19 03:21 AM
1

Well I’m in Texas and in my county I received a copy of the judge’s orders and the first item was no disrupting the children.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/19 01:38 AM
1

Wow, is that legal where you are? Not where I am!
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/19 01:18 AM
1

Well, I was given the advice to pick battles carefully over whether or not I should take my kids on a business trip which was legal per judge’s orders. I told STBX that I wouldn’t do it, even though I knew it was permitted, but I also know I can be a pushover sometimes. So what criteria do you use for deciding if something is worth the battle?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/19 01:16 AM
1

What’s the line between bypassing a needless battle and standing up for my and my children’s legitimate interests?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/19 12:47 AM
1

Got an answer today: “You are correct. I have no idea why she is saying something different or where she obtained the document she says she has. I have been working in this County for 12 years and the Standing Order language has not substantially changed in that time.”
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/19 12:35 AM
2

Thanks for the feedback. That’s what I initially said: “you don’t want me to do it? Fine”. Only hurts the kids...
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/19 10:19 PM
1

“During the pendency of an original suit, removing a child from the State of Texas for the purpose of changing the child's residence, acting directly or in concert with others, without the written agreement of the parties or an order from the presiding judge.” Hers doesn’t say “for the purpose of changing the child's residence”.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/19 08:56 PM
1

It’s a set of standard orders that go with any divorce in my county. No case number, if you file you get this order. Things like no disruption of children, no threats or vulgar language. Preservation of property and funds, etc. When I filed, my attorney gave me a copy, when she counter-filed, I got an identical copy from her attorney. The discrepancy is this printed copy she has with different wording. It leaves out “for purposes of changing child’s residence” so according to that we can’t leave…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/19 08:53 PM
2

There were several judge’s signatures on her copy, but no date, and it didn’t match the copy I received from her lawyer (or the identical copy from my lawyer) and it doesn’t match the orders on their website. I don’t know if she has an outdated document or what.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/19 08:36 PM
1

Thanks. She accidentally found out that I’ve been tracking stuff, and has very suddenly changed some behavior. I already have several months logged though. Bottom line is I am home almost every day to take care of the kids. She’ll have to work a 9-5 once we’re split. Should make my plan of buying her out of the house a no-brainer.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/19 01:29 PM
2

My counselor, who is not a lawyer, but does plenty of mediation and all that, says that TX is simple 50/50 and it’s best to divide assets without the court involved as that just costs a ton of money and gets the same results, or worse results. Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/19 02:21 PM
3

I’m with you, similar situation. I hired a lawyer a few months ago, with the intention of starting the process this summer. Before that time arrived, I hoped to start some counseling as a last ditch effort to save the marriage. In the meantime the lawyer did file, and my wife was notified via a legal advertisement from a lawyer trying to get her business. That was awkward. Needless to say she’s not too stoked about the idea of counseling when I’ve already filed. The weird thing is now it feels l…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/19 12:51 AM
1

Thanks, appreciate it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/19 04:57 AM
3

Thanks, I just read this: “The Texas court has several options when issuing a custody order. Sole custody can be awarded to one parent, which means that the child resides primarily with that parent and that parent has the exclusive right to make decisions about the child's upbringing. However, Texas courts prefer joint custody arrangements so the child maintains a meaningful relationship with both parents.” This is good food for thought. It’s not that she is a completely unreliable person; she w…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/19 04:19 AM
1

Maybe I wasn’t clear before, I had a lengthy chat with this atty back in Dec. so she had a pretty clear picture of what’s going on.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/19 03:44 AM
2

Maybe I’m naive or overly optimistic, but based on what I’ve read I have a shot. I make better money, work less, am more involved in their lives, at least one of my kids is disturbed by her erratic and abusive behavior. I’ve been keeping logs to prove my parental involvement and homemaker skills, and her frequent abuse toward me. Not trying to be argumentative at all, I appreciate the feedback, just wondering what you know that I don’t. FWIW I don’t think I’m going for sole custody. I would work…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/19 03:42 AM
2

Thanks for the reply. The attorney actually suggested that I go this route, and she seems to be good. Five star rating on Avvo and everywhere else. Had a long conversation with one of my kids and he confided in me about how he recognizes and does not like the bullying behavior, constantly trashing me behind my back, etc. Curious, what about TX makes you think I have a tough row to hoe here? Thanks again.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/19 03:29 AM
3

Thanks, and she’s completely clueless AFAIK. My 11 yo son confided in me that he thinks she’s rotten to me and that she talks behind my back. I think she’s part of the reason he’s being treated for anxiety, so...
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/19 02:25 AM
1

She is prone to these bizarre tantrums, screaming the same accusations in my face over and over as I calmly point out how ridiculous her accusation is. I’ve not been perfect, I’ve made mistakes, but her abuse is unrelenting and without provocation. She can point to something that happened 8 years ago or whatever, but should I really live with every mistake I’ve ever made in her pocket ready to slap me? (By mistakes I’m talking about buying “toys” without her knowledge, things like that. Not viol…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/19 05:05 AM
2

She was just filling up her IRA... no big deal. Not sure why she took it out of that account, but whatevs.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/19 08:28 PM
2

Good point, but she’s been operating under the idea that I’m going to take her behavior indefinitely.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/19 12:10 PM
2

I’m in TX fwiw... and I’m afraid ya’all are right, though I’ve been very subtle and cool.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/19 08:36 PM
1

Going to follow this. I’m a pilot as well, going to start the process soon. I’m figuring out what I need to secure before I drop the bomb, talking to lawyers, etc. My wife is emotionally abusive, petty, argumentative, etc. I liked her for her strong personality at first but that was just a cover for so much damage.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/19 04:24 AM
2

I’m getting ready for that moment. Can I ask what you did to prepare? Move particular things out of the house, etc.? Safeguard some money? I’m expecting a lot of nastiness when I get there.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/19 03:54 AM
1

I make substantially more than she does now, but she’s not working much now and has the ability to work a lot more. She’s a master degreed medical professional and works on an ad hoc basis rather than full time. In Texas it’s pretty cut and dry, no more than 5 years spousal maintenance. Child support is 25% I believe.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/18 04:37 PM
1

Yeah far from it I know. Rough career.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/18 10:34 PM
1

Tricky thing is I’d go for custody but my schedule is tricky. I’m a pilot but I only work about 10 days/mo. but the schedule can be a little unpredictable at times. Thanks for the advice. I wanted to give the atty. an idea of what we’d be dealing with, but your point is well taken.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/18 08:06 PM
1

That’ll be hard as I’m a pilot. Thanks for the advice, appreciate it all.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/18 08:04 PM
1

“Be the person you needed for your divorce.”
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/18 11:54 PM
2

Looks fantastic. Thanks for doing this. Those of us on the cusp need a gameplan and to see light on the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/18 06:23 PM
1

Gotcha. I have another account that I can siphon everything into whenever I need to.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/18 02:21 AM
2

Total Jeckyl and Hyde act. Perfectly fine today. I wake up every day wondering who lives in my house.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/18 02:19 AM
1

https://www.liveabout.com/are-you-a-victim-of-emotional-abuse-1102421 http://fairdivorce.co.za/25-signs-of-emotional-abuse/
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/18 08:53 PM
1

That’s why I haven’t moved out, I thought that might make things difficult later. I’ve been primary breadwinner though due to my profession (pilot) I’m arguably primary caretaker too. I’m gone about 10-12 days/mo. and the days I’m home I take them too/from school, sports, cook meals, etc. She is a physical therapist who works sporadically, usually just weekends, sometimes a few weekdays. She has lots of earning potential that is untapped because she hasn’t picked up a full-time job. She stays at…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/18 08:49 PM
1

TX, 2 kids, 13 years.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/18 08:34 PM
1

Thanks. Not separated... yet. Will keep this in mind.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/18 07:03 PM
1

Yeah, I do whatever I can to avoid her, the fighting, the constant snide remarks and sarcasm. It’s bullshit, but I recognize it’s HER problems, her unresolved issues that make her act like that.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/18 07:41 PM
2

Bro, death is not the answer. It may seem like a “relief” from the torment, but the devastation you’d leave behind would not be worth it, and you know that. I’m going to have to take my own advice here: get counseling and start learning about how to improve your life via divorce or something... anything!
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/18 02:30 PM
1

Thanks for the advice. I think the situation is different in Texas, and she is capable of earning a very comfortable living for herself too, but yeah, point taken.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/18 05:07 AM
3

I’ve been on the course of sticking it out, but I’m pushing 50 and my kids are in elementary school. If I waited till my youngest was out of the house I’d be 57! That’s 10 wasted years, 10 years of being told I’m the biggest mistake ever. I can take a lot of crap but do I really want to raise my kids thinking it’s ok for their wife to totally ignore them or to have to suffer ridiculous rage fits? I tense up whenever she walks into the room and I feel dread when she gets home from work. That’s no…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/18 03:51 AM
2

I bought the “Splitting” book, and I’ve been highlighting the BPD and ND traits that I’ve seen. I think she’s narcissistic, not a whole lot of borderline traits. Especially being sensitive to perceived insults, demeaning and insulting, self-absorbed. Big time narcissistic rager. I can’t disagree with her on anything, even matters of taste or opinion. If I do I’m the narcissist and “oh, so superior”. It’s so ironic, really. I’ve talked to a friend who is on the other side of his divorce, and he’s…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/18 03:46 AM
1

She was always a strong willed and independent person. Honestly that’s a lot of what was attractive about her. But the pettiness, incessant arguing, mockery... that’s pretty new. Since the kids came.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/18 03:25 AM
1

That seems like solid advice. Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/18 05:00 AM
1

Thanks. I’ll keep it handy for any time she goes off on a screaming rant at me. I came close to calling the police that night. I guess I’ve been sort of in denial for a long time.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/18 08:42 PM
1

I have a video of her screaming at me and knocking the phone out of my hands. I’ve sent that to a friend for safekeeping too. I was wondering if that was actually assault.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/18 08:37 PM
1

Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/18 03:52 AM
1

Another update: during the outburst that was started by me not answering a text message, she yelled at me about not wanting to work for company “xyz”, a well known company within my profession that is hiring. She wants me to do so because the work schedule would be far more predictable. I considered applying but decided that working twice as much for half the pay wouldn’t be a great deal. Actually I did apply and an HR rep contacted me within days. I haven’t called back yet, and might just to be…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/18 03:49 AM
2

Thanks. This is the kind of stuff I came here to hear.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/18 03:43 AM
2

I sleep downstairs in the master bedroom, she sleep upstairs in the guest room, ostensibly because she hates the mattress downstairs. Another crime I’ve committed. We’ve gone through probably 5 mattresses, including a pricey temperpedic and the current $700 foam mattress. Every time she brings it up I tell her to go buy a mattress, because I can sleep on anything. Of course she doesn’t. Not that I mind.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/18 03:39 AM
3

Update: tonight I was told that I’m the worst mistake she ever made, because I didn’t answer a text message question whether I’d take the kids to school or should she plan on it. (Plot twist: we were both home and I wasn’t carrying my phone.) Granted, I committed the crime of not putting what time I’d be leaving on our shared calendar, but asking a question is so, so hard.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/18 03:34 AM
5

That’s a damn good question. What am I asking? I don’t know, maybe just looking for affirmation that this shit isn’t really acceptable, and I’m not a horrible person for wanting out.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/18 03:32 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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