Preparing to be custodial parent, will need need plugging some holes...

dday_throwaway3 · 2020-07-03T18:14:45+00:00

By all means explore an au pair or nanny if you have to travel regularly. Plan like the mother was abducted by aliens. Obviously it's an absurd idea, but the concept is sound: The mother is hospitalized from a car crash, she isn't flexible with dates, she becomes unreliable because she starts drinking or taking drugs, she decides to move hundreds of miles away for a new fling, she dies, etc.

As one dad to another, long term you've got to decide if your child or your job comes first. Those 10 days a month you're gone, you're going to miss parent-teacher conferences, sports, and other extracurriculars. 80% of the time you spend with your child is before they graduate high school. You can't make up time later.

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2020-07-03T21:04:44+00:00

Check out Care.com, there are other sites but I’ve used Care a couple times. But yes plan for someone you CAN count on. Probably would be good to have 2-3 options if you can only guarantee 10 days a month as many nannies would want more time (income) then that.

I’ve told my kids, who I spend a huge amount of time with and investing in them, “I’ve told you since you were little, if I could I you would be with me 100% of the time because I love spending tome with you. But I have to work. The only thing that will take me away or keep me away from you (to a point) is my job. As my job is what allows me to pay for this house and our needs, take you on these trips, let us have these adventures, allows me to pay for your lessons and sports, etc.” (plus pay child support, legal bills and unnecessary medical expenses your mom keeps racking up. I don’t actually say this last part).

That being said, I am there 99% of the time for school drop off and school pick-up. Their mom pays someone to pick them up and drop them off from school. I am there 99% of the time for their lessons and sports to actively watch them and cheer them on and some of the time am their coach for rec league sports. Their mom drops them at their lessons and then goes elsewhere 50% of the time. And she doesn’t even take them 30% of the time for various “reasons”.

Over the past 2.5 years there have only been 2 weekend days and one full week I couldn’t be with them when it was my scheduled time with them due to my job. Thankfully travel for my job is pretty flexible and I can usually schedule it when they are with their mom. When I was away for the one week, I made it a point to FaceTime them 2x a day, morning (for just a couple minutes) and then longer at bedtime. And I made it a point to tell them, “I would rather be there with you or have you here with me!”

I would explain it to your child (maybe like I have above or fit it to your situation) and then secure alternative childcare for them, testing the potential nanny out several times for a couple hours and then longer before the much longer trips.

Good luck!

playerknowmore · 2020-07-04T01:08:43+00:00

You don't have a sister or a retired family member who could step in.

Title	Preparing to be custodial parent, will need need plugging some holes...
Author	letak2018
Upvotes	3
Comments	8
Date	July 3, 2020 5:51 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/hknmbj/preparing_to_be_custodial_parent_will_need_need/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/preparing-to-be-custodial-parent-will-need-need.818081 https://theredarchive.com/post/818081

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