Best strategy for preserving the rights of BOTH parties before getting married and having kids?

2012-12-17T07:55:39+00:00

There is no way to protect yourself if children are involved.

AnnArchist · 2012-12-17T07:44:22+00:00

make sure both parties have their own lawyers advising them

Sasha_ · 2012-12-17T13:35:57+00:00

I have to say the best advice is not to get married. By all means live together, have children etc. but keep finances completely separate, arrange for her to pay some bills, and you others, pay equal shares into a mortgage with a clear legal arrangement for who gets what if you split up. While it's an intensely delicate and difficult topic to broach with someone you love, I think if you regularly - say once a year - update the arrangement with a written agreement that says you're both covered by life insurance where the other is the beneficiary, that in the event of a split children would be cared for in the following way etc. then I think it should be possible to create a clear understanding in the relationship that would be very hard for a court to abrogate.

If you are fortunate to be in line for an inheritance, then you can also - with your parents - look into trust arrangements.

I also fully appreciate how difficult this advice is to follow. Most of us are romantics at heart, and the idea of giving up on traditional marriage is challenging and somewhat depressing. Nevertheless I feel very strongly that it's not an option for men today due to most divorces being initiated by women and due to the fact that it's set up to the disadvantage of men in most circumstances. If you explain this to your partner she may not be very impressed, but in a way it's a conversation that you need to have. Tell her the example of your buddy, and tell her how this has made you alert to the dangers of marriage for men. Also make it clear that this isn't something personal to her, if anything she's suffering because of the selfish choices of her 'sisters' over the last 40 years, which has made marriage a risk propostion for men.

MRAreader · 2012-12-17T15:29:52+00:00

If you're really worried, quietly move all of your assets into a trust with you designated as the only beneficiary and a truly trusted friend as trustee. Make sure you set it up so you have power of replacement on the trustee.

Your assets are theoretically safe from all judgements including child support and alimony. It costs a ton and only really makes sense if you have a lot of money.

Make sure the only assets you move into there are conclusively yours and not co-owned assets. If you don't make sure of this then the trust will be voided if she has a good lawyer.

Talk to any good accountant about this, they'll let you know what's up. Also talk to a smart lawyer about a pre-nup. They'll know how to write one that won't be thrown out in court.

CaptainVanderdecken · 2012-12-17T14:13:09+00:00

There used to be a blood test requirement(?) screening for something. Direct relatives are prohibited to stop the possibility of birth defects.

How about each party submit a full Psychiatric evaluation, genetic analysis (for heritable mental conditions), plus a pre-nup.

Go nutz on me, but know that 90% of marriages involving one or both having mental illness FAIL.

themountaingoat · 2012-12-17T07:19:05+00:00

I think basically the only strategies are don't get married or pray.

C0CKPUNCHER · 2012-12-17T07:31:08+00:00

I've seen a divorced couple who still live in the same house, there is some sniping, but they both appreciate the child care.

RedditBlueit · 2012-12-17T19:37:52+00:00

If you want legal advice, consult a lawyer.

If you want to know Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, consult Dr John Gottman. Take his advice with caution; while I have found it valuable, the rules of marriage are changing.

chavelah · 2012-12-17T09:34:09+00:00

If you're determined to get married (which you should be, if you want children), then part of your strategy should definitely be to seek out a spouse who is morally opposed to breaking up a marriage while there are kids in the house, even if the romantic relationship between the parents takes a nosedive. Not a religious nut who thinks divorce makes the Baby Jesus cry - somebody who has had the life experiences and/or the education to arrive at the rational conclusion that their children are entitled to an intact family.

rightsbot · 2012-12-17T07:16:18+00:00

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Title	Best strategy for preserving the rights of BOTH parties before getting married and having kids?
Author	javastripped
Upvotes	0
Comments	14
Date	December 17, 2012 7:16 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/14zfgb/best_strategy_for_preserving_the_rights_of_both/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/best-strategy-for-preserving-the-rights-of-both.1006411 https://theredarchive.com/post/1006411

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