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Guy who was forcefully penetrated by a dildo by a girl: "Forced anal has ruined me" [x-post from r/sex]

wontget_fooledagain

August 7, 2012

50 upvotes

/r/MensRights

http://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/xs0y4/forced_anal_has_ruined_me/

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Post Information

Title	Guy who was forcefully penetrated by a dildo by a girl: "Forced anal has ruined me" [x-post from r/sex]
Author	wontget_fooledagain
Upvotes	50
Comments	36
Date	August 7, 2012 5:36 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/xtzr9/guy_who_was_forcefully_penetrated_by_a_dildo_by_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/guy-who-was-forcefully-penetrated-by-a-dildo-by-a.1016350 https://theredarchive.com/post/1016350

Comments

[–]newmobsforall 6 points7 points8 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]hardwarequestions 8 points9 points10 points 13 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link

[–]MaunaLoona31 points 13 years ago* [recovered] (21 children) | Copy Link

[–]hardwarequestions 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link

i'd still desire better clarification before cementing my opinion.

I wasn't ready for that and protested but he put it in anyway.

this portion is, of course, the most supporting language of this being an instance of rape. i won't deny that. but, i still want to know more about what this exactly means. is the "not ready" section implying they weren't physically prepared for it and not properly lubricated, or were they not psychologically ready to handle the new experience? is it a reference to their state of consent at all, or a reference to something else?

what was the extent of the protest? a look of shock? a verbal expression of "no" or something similar? something more? less? i want to know.

I was really scared, not wanting to ruin anything I didn't fight it.

this is the portion that throws me. OP didn't fight things, meaning they gave no further indication of resistance, hesitation, discomfort, and etc. those things need to be conveyed for a lover to know it...they aren't mindreaders. now, this doesn't negate what the prior comment suggested, that OP initially "protested", but his lover could easily misunderstand the implications of a lack of further protest and take them to mean OP has chosen to continue with the actions.

[–]MaunaLoona8 points 13 years ago* [recovered] (19 children) | Copy Link

The line does get fuzzy on the border between what is and isn't legally rape. Ideally, to avoid a misunderstanding, the victim would decline consent verbally and also physically.

For example, take a couple of virgins who've been dating for a few years, in bed, naked (NSFW for a badly written sex scene):

Man: "Let's have sex. I can't wait any longer."
Woman: "N..No. What if it hurts. I'm scared."
Man: "It'll be alright. It won't hurt. I'll show you..." *Touches woman's labia with his erect penis*
Woman isn't resisting
Man puts it in

Let's examine it. The woman did not give explicit consent, yet she didn't resist either. Can you really call it rape? I wouldn't. On one hand she did say no, but on the other hand I would say that there was some implicit consent there, or maybe conditional consent, "What if it hurts" -> "go ahead as long as it doesn't hurt".

[–]hardwarequestions 9 points10 points11 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[+]Grapeban 15 points16 points17 points 13 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link

[–]damaskrose5 points 13 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

I agree with everything you just said. One upvote isn't enough. Not only does he ignore her wishes and choose to continue without her consent, but he also verbally coerces her to stop her protest.

It'll be alright. It won't hurt.

This statement is a lie, and therefore constitutes verbal coercion. It is common knowledge that first-time sex is painful for almost all women, so he has no basis to tell her that it won't hurt.

Personally, losing my virginity was one of the most painful things that I have ever experienced. The level of pain was roughly equivalent to having a tooth pulled without novocaine. I cried, I swore, and I bled for 3 days afterwards.

But unlike the woman in this story, I knew that it was going to hurt and made the informed decision to continue in spite of it. The guy not only obtained my explicit consent but asked "Are you sure?" (I was), and then, once we started, "Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?" (since it was obvious that I was experiencing great discomfort). Even at 16, the guy had the good sense to do these things because he understood the importance of respecting my autonomy.

I share my little story because this is how situations like these should be handled... Anything other than explicit consent (either given verbally or through enthusiastic participation) is rape.

[+]Grapeban 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[+]Grapeban 8 points9 points10 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Unconfidence -3 points-2 points-1 points 13 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

The words cannot make it rape. If I say, "Have sex with me or I will kill you." that is still not rape, unless I actually back that threat up.

Rape has to involve physical force. Putting social consequence, or personal consequence, as a stipulation of rejection, is not an attempt at rape. It's still a horrible thing to do, mind you, but it is not rape. Not for men or for women. Someone getting you drunk to fuck you isn't rape. Someone threatening to fire you if you don't fuck them isn't rape. Someone threatening to kill you if you don't fuck them is not rape. It does not become rape until, when you reject them, they use physical force to enact the sex anyway. If you were conscious and did not reject them, for whatever reason, you weren't raped.

Imagine I say, "Have sex with me or I will kill you." You walk out. So I shoot you. Have I raped you? No, I have murdered you. I'm not saying what's occurring there is any better or worse than rape, I'm just saying that it isn't rape unless if involves a removal of all ways to dissent from the act effectively, not just a few.

[+][deleted] 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

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[–]TheEquivocator -5 points-4 points-3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link