How to deal with an extreme feminist mom?

thegreatgazoo · 2012-03-28T15:23:54+00:00

Find something else to talk about with her. You aren't going to change her mind.

td9red · 2012-03-28T17:16:37+00:00

Just a question... What makes you think that feminisn or hatred of males is the reason your mom doesn't listen to you, your brother, or father? Moms don't listen to anybody. My mom cares for my 2yr-old son during the day and has been married to my dad for 40 years. She doesn't, and has never listened to my dad, my 2 brothers, or me and I'm a girl. When I come to pick up my son she takes to time to explain to me everything that I am doing wrong with him... Don't bother arguing with her. Just nod your head, say okay, and go off and do what you're going to do.

getthefuckoutofhere · 2012-03-28T16:17:21+00:00

"an 18 year old male"... you mean your brother?

PositiveBear · 2012-03-28T15:56:20+00:00

Unfortunately, this kind of awful situation is extremely difficult. There are many people here with similar experiences, so you know you aren't alone.

If she's not willing to listen to you, and try to respect you and your feelings, then there's not much you can do about it. The thing to remember is that you don't have to live under her thumb forever. You will eventually get out and make it on your own. So the key is to stop her from damaging you emotionally while you are young. Try and have a healthy relationship with the rest of your family even if you can't have one with your mother.

NiceGuysSTFU · 2012-03-28T16:02:38+00:00

Could you be a little more specific in your complaints against your mom? Simply saying she seems to have no respect for men and then mentioning "chivalry" doesn't give one much to go on.

TechGuy-dvor · 2012-03-28T22:53:18+00:00

What I did when my mom asked me to do something "because I am a man" is told her to get in the kitchen "because she is a woman" For years we argued and debated (we are good friends).

Slowly, her opinions started to change and the way she approached men started to change. Before where she was entitled she now appreciated what men do for women and tried to reciprocate when a man did nice, manly things for her.

elebrin · 2012-03-28T23:11:58+00:00

Here are a few things I would suggest to any young man that feels put out and wants to get out the day he turns 18. Most of it can be summarized as "have your shit together," but nonetheless:

Find yourself a (somewhat) formalized all-male peer group for your age group. If you do music, get in a band; if you bowl, join a league. If you are religious, join the men's bible study group. Just make sure whatever it is you do, it is with guys about your age and in your interest range. Take it seriously and make them your friends. You need to learn how to socialize with other men effectively.
Start planning for your future. If you don't get your shit together in about two years, you will still be living with your mother. Know NOW where you want to go to college and what you want to major in, pick out a skilled trade and apprenticeship program, or get a job for after school and the weekends.
Do the last part of #2 anyways. If I could go back 12 years to when I was 16, I would get a job. Save every single penny you earn.
Get your driving license. Even if you fuck it up the first time, swallow your pride and get it.
Don't ever argue with your mother. Keep your opinions to yourself. Say Yes, Ma'am and be polite and formal. It is time you move away from your mother emotionally.
Keep your secrets. In the words of Muddy Waters, "If you got something good, put it in your pocket." Remember if you use a home computer to communicate with your friends, your parents have 100% access to your email, IM, facebook, whatever. If you have a cell, they have 100% access to your text messages and phone record. Speaking of Facebook, make sure you have one but keep it "clean," it is a front for the person you want the world to see you as. Never say bad things about your parents on Facebook.
When you turn 18, open a bank account that your parents aren't on. They can't fuck with your money then. Even if they open one for you, go open a second one that they don't need to know about and store some safety money there.

2012-03-29T02:09:11+00:00

Know that you have great value as both a person and a male. Understand that your mother is more miserable inside than you likely realize or possibly are able to comprehend at this point in your life. You can't make her healthy, but you can prevent her from making you unhealthy. My mom never recovered from her self-induced anger and now that she is gone I realize what a waste it was. I wish I had known then what was going on but I was just too young. Love your mom if she will let you and try to ignore the B.S.

Also, You, dad, and bro go camping without mom. It's pretty fun and would be good for all of you.

rightsbot · 2012-03-28T15:20:18+00:00

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Octagonecologyst · 2012-03-28T15:29:03+00:00

Facts generally help when combating feminists.

RJNDesigner · 2012-03-28T16:27:47+00:00

A few thoughts:

You will probably never change her mind about anything. Reason will get you nowhere with a feminist with a deep seated antipathy to men.
Look out for your own mental health. Having a man-hating mother can be very damaging to a young man. You need to keep her at an emotional distance so you have space to find yourself.
Avoid arguing with her if possible. If you have to argue, use emotional low blows, not reason. Shame her for being a bad mother. Ask her what type of mother would treat her own children with such contempt. Ask her if her behavior to you is an example of the vaunted female empathy and compassion you've heard so much about. The idea is not to challenge her beliefs, but to challenge her emotional perception of herself as being morally righteous.
Work on building connections to other men. How is your relationship with your father? Is he completely beat down by your mother? If he can support you, great. If he can't be supportive, find a teacher or a coach or an uncle or a mentor who can be.
Learn about both men's rights and feminism. Read the links and FAQs over on the sidebar. Also read some feminist literature. I recommend "Feminism is for everybody" by bell hooks. It is intended to be as moderate and male friendly as possible, but the contempt and hostility to masculinity oozes out anyway. Once you see that feminism always equates "masculinity" with "violent oppressor", even when it's trying to sell itself to men, you will understand that feminism will never be about equality.
I'm glad you're here. /MR is the best place around to discuss issues like yours, despite its many faults. Find out if any of your friends have these issues, and bring them here too.

DruchiiConversion · 2012-03-28T18:07:25+00:00

Remember you can come here to vent at any time. This type of arrangement sucks, but if you don't have any outlets at all it can absolutely destroy a young man.

That's my only advice, though - you're never going to change the mind of an extremist of any stripe.

truthjusticeca · 2012-03-28T17:42:14+00:00

Have some fun and accuse her of being your matriarchal oppressor.

Move out ASAP!

easelove · 2012-03-29T19:15:57+00:00

my advice is to get old enough to where you can leave. my mother was/is a super feminist and we got along much better when i left. she was always the type to tell me that my father was a piece of shit and she still hates him to this day. any man that has ever told my mother what to do (bosses, exes, friends) got humiliated fairly badly. it has left me with unable to trust women and in many ways i now look down on them. it really came down to this: when i was wrong, she let me know it. across multiple platforms. facebook, friends, family. when i was right, she tried to switch it around and when i proved her wrong, i was attacking her. it was no longer a matter of right or wrong. it was now a matter of "how dare you?" and that is all it takes. it is a classic defense of the feminist (and ladies in general). it gets to a point where logic is no longer involved and that is what has frustrated men about women for years. now, mind you that i know this is just MY mother that i am referring to but as you can see, i have had some experience.

PositiveBear · 2012-03-28T21:21:15+00:00

You can't and won't change her mind. Ignore her rambling and try to keep the topic as far away from the idea as possible.

easelove · 2012-03-28T19:59:18+00:00

Moms, feminists, and women - don't change their minds easily.

All you can really do is just avoid them for a while until they start to get lonely and realize that they have to try to get along with other people too.

TheRealPariah · 2012-03-28T22:07:21+00:00

Tell her she is a selfish cunt and then refuse to give her any attention beyond what is absolutely necessary. This is only a harmful relationship which will leave permanent marks on your self-esteem and self-worth.

Title	How to deal with an extreme feminist mom?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	46
Date	March 28, 2012 3:19 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/rhmk0/how_to_deal_with_an_extreme_feminist_mom/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/how-to-deal-with-an-extreme-feminist-mom.1025095 https://theredarchive.com/post/1025095

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