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Apparently it's wrong of me to trust my boyfriend and not blame him if he were sexually assaulted or raped - or, at least - takes a long time for the same standards to apply to men as women, no matter how clear they were previously stated.

[deleted]

September 29, 2011

0 upvotes

/r/MensRights

http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/kuxq8/i_trust_you_i_just_dont_trust_the_people_around/c2nheod

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Title	Apparently it's wrong of me to trust my boyfriend and not blame him if he were sexually assaulted or raped - or, at least - takes a long time for the same standards to apply to men as women, no matter how clear they were previously stated.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	0
Comments	27
Date	September 29, 2011 3:42 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/kvd9m/apparently_its_wrong_of_me_to_trust_my_boyfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/apparently-its-wrong-of-me-to-trust-my-boyfriend.1033921 https://theredarchive.com/post/1033921

Comments

[–]rantgrrl 3 points4 points5 points 14 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]col0rado -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]Alanna 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

The problem is, that Whoooah was perfectly clear from the beginning that he/she was talking about rape, s/he just didn't use the word "rape."

Here's their second reply to you:

If someone plants their lips on his, he can't premeditate that and stop it. Do you see? I can trust him to not do anything, and to stop anything. but I can't possibly expect him to premeditate anything. Especially not coerced, blackmailed, or substance-induced assaults. Those deserve a special lenience and consideration of circumstance, not an automatic "cheating bastard" label.

See the emphasized part?

And your reply was:

Right, but then you should trust him to do the right thing. If someone does that, he should push them away or leave, so you should have nothing to worry about if you actually trust him. If you think he won't do the right thing, then you don't trust him.

So, in other words, if he doesn't resist, it's not rape, and thus cheating.

So let's play gender reversal, shall we?

Right, but then you should trust her to do the right thing. If someone does that, she should push them away or leave, so you should have nothing to worry about if you actually trust her. If you think she won't do the right thing, then you don't trust her.

If you'd posted this, even without any alcohol or substance mitigation, you'd still be called a victim blamer.

Is that clearer?

[–]col0rado -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]Alanna 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Yes, you're next reply after the one I quoted, you added, "Also, we're not talking about rape, you bringing it up makes no sense, period."

If what you meant was, "Yes, I see that your example would be rape, but we're not talking about cases where the guy is incapacitated beyond consent," then you should have said that. From the beginning, she was talking about, basically, not trusting the girls he's around not to rape him if he gets black out drunk or passes out. You didn't reject her rape scenario, and answered it with saying, as I quoted above, that if he didn't want to cheat, he'd do "the right thing" by fighting back and not letting himself be raped.

It's like if you said, "I take things from stores without paying for them," and I said, "Stealing is wrong." and you said "I wasn't talking about stealing, or theft, or robbery." Rape doesn't become not rape because you decide four replies in that that's not what you wanted to talk about.

[–]col0rado -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Alanna 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]thelordpsy 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]Alanna 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]thelordpsy 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Alanna 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]col0rado -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Alanna 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]col0rado -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Alanna 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]hardwarequestions 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Alanna 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]hardwarequestions 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]col0rado -2 points-1 points0 points 14 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]Whoooah 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]col0rado -2 points-1 points0 points 14 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Whoooah -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]col0rado -2 points-1 points0 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Whoooah -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]col0rado -2 points-1 points0 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link