Obviously we've broken up and things are still very fresh but it's been a long time coming, and I had some lingering Beta behaviours which caused her to get angry last night when I saw her, although the night before last she was in my arms telling me how much she missed and loved me, and cried when I tried to go home. She said some shit that was below the belt, and I didn't react to it. I just said "I don't want to see you again" and walked away. An hour later she messaged me saying, "I'm sorry" to which I have only just replied to now.

I realise not responding at all would have been the best thing for me, but I had to say something before I did. This is what I sent (it's a bit long):

"I've got a fag (cigarette lol) break, so fuck it. I'm the one who's sorry, because you were right. I have been acting like a child, I haven't respected your space, I did get way too comfortable with you and I got attached, and you may say we aren't right for each other but the truth is, I was saying that all along. There's always going to be something special between us because that's what got us this far, but again, you are right.

I lost my backbone and stopped fighting to be more than I am, even when you and others saw something in me that I didn't. I let my emotions take over, and I started to depend on people, and especially you which wasn't fair. I promised you everything and I didn't deliver on it. We were just living some fantasy that there is a happy ever after, but it wasn't realistic, and I knew that. I couldn't let go of you, and the more I tried, the weaker I became.

And I dragged you right down with me. You deserved better from me, and I deserved better from myself. You have a special place in my heart Maggie, and no one can replace that. I'll always feel something for you and the chemistry we once had, but you were right - there's so much that I need to fix and you can't help me with that. Thank you for trying though. After last night, I am grateful for your honesty but at the same time, I meant what I said as well.

I never want to see you again. I made you angry, and I do understand that maybe you said some things in that anger that you're sorry for, but whether they were true or not, you completely destroyed any trust I had in you and I need to respect myself - people who care about, and respect eachother don't speak the way you did to me last night. Even if it kills me, I will do everything in my power to build a life away from you, my family, and this place.

So, enjoy your new place, I hope it all works out well for you at work and with friends, and that's all I have to say to you now."

I needed to space it out in paragraphs because via SMS, didn't want the extra charge for sending one huge block.