PLEASE don't suggest that I kill myself. Although I was a terrible wife, I am a decent daughter and sister, and I don't want to hurt my family. They love me and I love them.

In a nutshell, I am bipolar and psychotic and should have never been married in the first place. But I got married to a wonderful guy and I made him suffer my illness for 10 months before I left him, believing he was the abusive one. I even filed a restraining order on my way out, something I now realize was totally out of line and I am working with my lawyer to get reversed. Needless to say, he filed for divorce. We have no children and no property, so there's nothing to fight over. Neither of us wants any money out of the other. Our divorce should be over and done with in less than 3 months.

I'm horrified by the way my friends and family just took my side. No one stopped to think for a minute that my husband was the real victim, that he had been pushed to extremes by my insanity, and he had responded in the only way he knew how.

By the way, even though at the time I was convinced he had been abusing me, I didn't press charges because my father was a lawyer, representing mostly falsely accused men. I knew how much power I had to fuck up his life, and I didn't want to do that (anymore than I already had by my mere presence in his life).

So what can I do with the rest of my life? Are there organizations where I can volunteer time and money? Please give me your suggestions.

EDIT: Thank you, everyone, for your suggestions and guidance. I have just updated my blog and changed the headline to reflect my new, more accurate viewpoint. Please take a look if you have time. Here it is

EDIT 2: Here is something I wrote earlier in r/atheism. This was really the first time I owned up to everything.

I'm psychotic and bipolar. I continually inserted myself into a man's life. First as a girlfriend. When he broke up with me, I hung around so it was convenient for him to take me back if he experienced a moment of hunger or loneliness.

When we broke up for good and moved away with his fiancee, I was right there to prey on his weakness when he had to be away from his fiancee for 6 months while he finished school. I had the good sense to leave after my father died, but by then I had so poisoned this man that he broke up with his fiancee and convinced me to get back together with him.

I moved back in with him and immediately began abusing him. He was never enough for me. I had violent outbursts and would punch myself and try to slit my wrists. When he started restraining me, I started punching him. I actually have him a black eye once, and I scratched his neck. Our fights escalated to the point that he had to choke me to calm me down.

I finally left at the end of October. I was so sick that I believed he was abusing me. I filed a restraining order, which I am now going to try to reverse because a restraining order can prevent someone from getting certain kinds of job or owning a handgun.

While we were married, I felt like I was doing everything I could to stop abusing him. I was seeing a psychiatrist, taking medications, seeing a psychologist, a counselor, I was going to a women's anger management group, and I was going to church (couldn't hurt right?). But it just got worse and worse. I wasn't trying hard enough, I know that now.

I can never give him back everything he lost because of me. He was engaged to the PERFECT woman, and he dumped her because of me. He lives in a shitty apartment working at Wal-Mart because the apartment was close to where I was trying to finish school. I'm hoping that now we're getting divorced, he'll leave that place and make a better life for himself, but I'm terrified that I've just fucked him up beyond repair. All because I was so lonely and desperate for validation that I couldn't stay away from literally the best, smartest, kindest, gentlest person I've ever known. Because of me, he turned violent.