I'm writing this for a close family member who needs help with a problem with his inevitably soon former wife. She ran off and took their three kids recently with help from her sister and had a restraining order filed against him, claiming (and lying) about spousal abuse, attempted murder and she even claims he tried to smother his oldest son! I'm so angry at her for lying about this to hurt him and as a woman who has REAL domestic abuse problems with my first husband, this woman is nothing short of doing every valid domestic abuse suffer wrong but also everything many of you here loathe to hear about or experience.

Here's what I know for a fact:

  • She's completely lying about the abuse and exaggerating fact with the "oh he's trying to hurt me" line.

  • He has never laid a finger on her. Ever. He may look rough and tough but he doesn't even fight other men and it's not because he's a wimp. You know how big John Cena is? He's almost that big but more of a pacifist.

  • She claims he's tried to kill one of their kids in an incident over this past summer! If that were the case she'd be gone already!

  • She's suffering from an informally diagnosed bipolar cyclothymia disorder. These are my observations as someone who holds a graduate degree in Psychology with an emphasis in behavioral studies, pursuing post-grad work in Psychiatry. She was told by her doctor with her family history and from what her symptoms were that she was bipolar years ago but has since completely ignored getting help because she didn't want to have the problem. She has the attitude of "if I forget about it, it will disappear".

  • She suffered from postpartum depression with all of her kids births but the first went unnoticed, continuing to suffer from depression for years afterward. This has affected her behavior with her oldest to an almost neglectful level. The differences in treatment each kid receives based on the level of depression with each child is noticeable even to the untrained.

Sadly, this isn't the first time this has happened but it's come down to him needing to fight for custody of their kids and see to it she gets help. That's all he really wants and needs right now is to see that the kids are taken care of properly and for her to receive the correct medical treatment she refuses to acknowledge is required.

She's lied on the police report, lied to her family while her sister filled her head with paranoid delusions and if nothing changes she will perpetuate the cycle and I think it's going to get worse. He's documented everything over the years BUT since the 'system' screwed him last time where the judge went against the recommendations of the child appointed advocate he doesn't want to get a lawyer this time calling them a waste of time and money. I'm nervous the system is REALLY going to screw him this time. What can I/him/we do or suggest?

(appropriate capcha that made me chuckle: OMGWTF)