The Emotionally Abused Man: When Love Hurts... "Men have been brainwashed into believing that it’s normal for women to be irrational, moody, emotional, and demanding."

2009-10-20T19:03:40+00:00

I've been in several emotionally abusive relationships. The one thing they all had in common was that none of the women were ever able to admit they had been abusive. For them, their behavior was normal and the problem was me... I just didn't understand them.

wanna_dance · 2009-10-20T17:53:42+00:00

When a man is emotionally abused by his spouse and becomes subservient we call him "pussywhipped" and laugh about it. When a woman is physically abused by her husband we call her a victim and call the cops.

mads-80 · 2009-10-20T17:27:49+00:00

I think a lot of it comes from the attitude that men and women are so different they shouldn't even try to understand each other. The "Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars" mentality is perpetuated in both the common vernacular and popular media to such an extent that people actually believe it.

oconostota · 2009-10-20T20:52:12+00:00

God.. it's like this dude knew my ex-wife...

2009-10-20T21:51:45+00:00

This is one of the best articles I've seen submitted to /r/mensrights. Usually it's just lady bashing and false rape subs. Big thanks to the submitter. You inspire me to do better for this subreddit.

2009-10-20T19:11:48+00:00

I think every man that has relationship experience has dealt with an abusive girlfriend. Personally my first 3 have been abusive and the unfortunate result is that I haven't been able to love or trust a woman since.

Stand your ground men. That's the only way to get your confidence back. When she blames her irrational behaviour on the "time of the month" call her on it, she know it's bullshit and has been conditioned to say that through popular culture. If you confront her about her behaviour in a firm but rational tone she won't know how to react.

2009-10-20T19:59:24+00:00

I think it describes all but one relationship that I've ever been in. And after the breakup she started talking about how she'd basically been wanting to behave the same way but just bottled it up and had become more open about doing so since we dated. So I'm not even really sure if I'd count that.

I have to admit there's times I've become a bit soured on being with someone. Just because it seems like it's the same thing as being a therapist, handyman, and finder of entertainment all bundled into one. I think there's a point where all the sane women have settled down and it's only the needy, crazy, ones who are left. I'd like to have a relationship built on equality and mutual respect. But I think that after a certain point if you're not in one, you're never going to be, so you just have to learn to stop caring to an extent.

AnnArchist · 2009-10-20T16:03:52+00:00

Brainwashed by experience

BlackGlass · 2009-10-20T18:30:34+00:00

OH god. Truer words were never spoken. I am in a relationship with a diagnosed borderline woman - hell i was sos stupid as to MOVE IN with her, and I haven't seen my freinds in a year, and thoughts of suicide are clowly creeping up on me.

The fucked up thing is that I still love her. I know i have to break out somehow, but it gets harder and harder to think about how to sneak out. 70% of the time, shes actually pretty cool. its when things make her uneasy, or nervous, or insecure that she lashes out at me. When she does have a fit, she calms down and apologizes and there is awesome make-up sex..... but the fits are so terrible that i get scared of her sometimes.....

Mooshiga · 2009-10-21T04:02:11+00:00

Emotional abuse is deliberately wounding your partner with words. It is going for the emotional jugular. It often comes in the form of name calling, for example "You are so stupid, you can't do anything right", especially if the victim is insecure about his intelligence.

It is not nagging, bossing, yelling, expressing anger or frustration. It is certainly not being difficult, strong willed, emotional, or irritable. It is not simply any behavior that makes the other partner feel bad.

ajv570 · 2009-10-21T12:44:36+00:00

Wow I thought I was the only one who thought this way

2009-11-06T19:02:50+00:00

This is a wonderful article. Describes my ex well and sums up lessons that I've learned.

I think the thing that helped me the most in getting over her after we broke up was seeing a list of "ten signs that your husband is abusive" in a Dear Abby column. Of course it talked as if only males ever abuse and only females are ever victims. But going through the list I found 9 out of 10 applied strongly to her. The realization that I had been a victim of abuse hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt shame because society basically says if a man is victimized by a woman he is a pathetic wimp, whereas if a woman is victimized by a man she is a brave survivor. I wish I had read this article at the time.

Anyone can abuse anyone. Women are not helpless sweet innocent damsels. If you trust someone, you give them an opportunity to hurt you. If they abuse the power over you that you give them by being intimate, loving, and trusting with them, and use it to hurt you and undermine you and make you doubt yourself, end the relationship. It's good to know there are good honest intelligent kind women. Dealing with constant negativity is not a natural part of a relationship.

shrink4men · 2009-10-21T21:11:43+00:00

I've been reading the comments posted here with interest. My name is Dr Tara J. Palmatier, I wrote this article and I'm a woman---for what it's worth,

ncopas · 2009-10-21T16:42:27+00:00

Uhmm. All the stuff they mention in this article could easily go the other way. How is this a "female" issue?

I think this article is completely asinine.

remboi · 2009-10-22T19:02:01+00:00

So how does one avoid such women before it's too late? How does a man leave a wife like that when they have kids in a state that automatically gives the mother custody and the father a child support bill?
If the abusive behavior can be linked to, say, a borderline personality then what kind of man would leave the woman he loves because she's sick?

Title	The Emotionally Abused Man: When Love Hurts... "Men have been brainwashed into believing that it’s normal for women to be irrational, moody, emotional, and demanding."
Author	kanuk876
Upvotes	136
Comments	90
Date	October 20, 2009 3:37 PM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/9vxa9/the_emotionally_abused_man_when_love_hurts_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/the-emotionally-abused-man-when-love-hurts-men.1052373 https://theredarchive.com/post/1052373

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