It's been 9 months since I broke up with my pathological lying ex who also was diagnosed with ASPD and I just can't forgive myself for staying so long and believing the lies. I know my ex lied about so much but what really gets me is that he lied about being a PA/Pervert. I didn't know how bad it was when I first started dating him but slowly it dawned on me how perverted and misogynistic he really is. I dug deeper into his social media when I was with him and saw misogynistic memes he shared, one meme was about a guy lying to his girlfriend about his porn use and another was basically telling people to look at a porn site for "cute hamsters". It makes me feel so stupid that I was so blinded by his manipulation and small changes that only lasted a week or 2,his constant promises to change, his fake morals and beliefs. He said porn was wrong and disgusting yet I found him multiple times looking at porn material. He would look at other women and stare when he knew i hated it, he would look at them like they were his prey. I started to think he was also p3dophil3 because of certain things he said and i caught him looking at. He knew I didn't want to date someone who was into anime/e-girl culture and he lied to me about it because after we broke up he started playing anime porn games and mostly all his new friends are into anime/porn/pornography themes.

I feel so betrayed, it's been 9 months and I still feel this way. I loved him for who he pretended to be not who he was, he had pickmes falling all over him after we broke up. I know he hated me because I expected respect and I had boundaries but he'd always fight me with it after the 1-2 weeks of as he said "following the rules".

I feel like i just want to tell everyone what he did to me, how fake he is and how predatory he is but i know noone will believe me because well he acts like a victim who does nothing wrong.

I feel like I'm recovering from a stab wound or a deep wound that just won't heal. Most days I'm nauseated to the point of being sick because of this.

Please any support would be appreciated :c

Thank you.