~ archived since 2018 ~

I can't move forward.

January 10, 2021

It's been 9 months since I broke up with my pathological lying ex who also was diagnosed with ASPD and I just can't forgive myself for staying so long and believing the lies. I know my ex lied about so much but what really gets me is that he lied about being a PA/Pervert. I didn't know how bad it was when I first started dating him but slowly it dawned on me how perverted and misogynistic he really is. I dug deeper into his social media when I was with him and saw misogynistic memes he shared, one meme was about a guy lying to his girlfriend about his porn use and another was basically telling people to look at a porn site for "cute hamsters". It makes me feel so stupid that I was so blinded by his manipulation and small changes that only lasted a week or 2,his constant promises to change, his fake morals and beliefs. He said porn was wrong and disgusting yet I found him multiple times looking at porn material. He would look at other women and stare when he knew i hated it, he would look at them like they were his prey. I started to think he was also p3dophil3 because of certain things he said and i caught him looking at. He knew I didn't want to date someone who was into anime/e-girl culture and he lied to me about it because after we broke up he started playing anime porn games and mostly all his new friends are into anime/porn/pornography themes.

I feel so betrayed, it's been 9 months and I still feel this way. I loved him for who he pretended to be not who he was, he had pickmes falling all over him after we broke up. I know he hated me because I expected respect and I had boundaries but he'd always fight me with it after the 1-2 weeks of as he said "following the rules".

I feel like i just want to tell everyone what he did to me, how fake he is and how predatory he is but i know noone will believe me because well he acts like a victim who does nothing wrong.

I feel like I'm recovering from a stab wound or a deep wound that just won't heal. Most days I'm nauseated to the point of being sick because of this.

Please any support would be appreciated :c

Thank you.

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Post Information
Title I can't move forward.
Author 19Bubbles98
Upvotes 6
Comments 2
Date January 10, 2021 10:55 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/i-cant-move-forward.1059801
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/kup9lk/i_cant_move_forward/

[–]Car0llle 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am sorry you are finding it hardnto heal... he sounds horrible. It can be very easy to fall into a liars trap and very hard to leave. You need to remember there is nothing that you did wrong to deserve this. He is a sick man, very sick, and if I were you I would be happy and grateful for getting away. Time always heals wounds, but I think the covid situation may make it harder to live your life to the fullest right now. Try to focus on yourself, because that is what matters. The more you remain idle, the more time you have to think about him and how it hurts. New hobbies or focusing more on work may help, or you can do a new redecoration project of your home.

Don't focus much on what others think or say about him, your truth is yours. Try to cut off any contact or ways of hearing about him because absolutely no contact will definitely speed up the healing process. If you keep running into things that remind you of him, it just opens your wound all over again. It needs to properly heal until the wound is shut, only then small reminders or talking to him will mean way less to you and will not hurt anymore.

[–]Ancient-Cucumber 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are feeling like this because you are trauma bonded through betrayal, among other things to this guy. I've been through similar, took me 2.5 years to get over the trauma bonding and I still am unable to date or trust men. Finding FDS helped a lot in detachment and also some talks with a friend.It's really heartbreaking to see that person is not who you thought they were, it's like the ultimate betrayal to feel they played a role to get you, whereas you were open in front of them. I felt nauseated for a really long time.But what I can tell you is that in time you will get over him, and all the anger and disgusts will be going towards him and not you anymore and then after it will mostly be apathy.Try to find new appreciation for the good and loving people in your life and the good things you have, that can help. Also, try and level up from whatever pov you consider. You may not be in the mood, but it is such a confidence booster in time, because you will have your center around yourself again.In time you will also see the trash he was and what a missile you dodged, not a bullet.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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