I have a history of getting into low effort relationships. How do I break the cycle?

eveninghope · 2021-01-06T18:01:17+00:00

Do you want that? Then don’t date guys who open w Netflix and chill. It literally does not get better than what it is in the beginning.

sleeeeepie · 2021-01-06T21:37:54+00:00

After seeing your post yesterday, I’m glad you’re still here.

When abuse is what you have known, anything else that is not abuse can feel special and enticing at first. Even if it’s low effort, or someone showing even the mildest interest. I think that’s how you end up in these types of relationships. But it sounds like you know that this isn’t enough.

It’s sounds like you’re a caring person. But the way you describe yourself as a giver and selfless, it seems like you may have some people pleasing tendencies. People pleasers feel the need to cater to others in order to keep people happy, which makes them feel safe (if my partner is happy, they’re less likely to abuse me).

It sounds like you really need to work on boundary setting. I really urge you to see a therapist.

Despite what a lot of people think, FDS is not about strategising to keep men. You won’t get that kind of advice here. It’s about growing to be the best version of ourselves, recognising our own worth and being happy, complete people who don’t need a relationship to be “whole”.

It’s time to work on yourself and level up 💕

londochig · 2021-01-09T17:00:31+00:00

You can give that love and care to animals, pets, female friends and family who will appreciate it and care about you as well. You can channel that into growing or taking care of a plant. Perhaps volunteering. I feel like these things will be more fulfilling than channeling that energy into caring about Lvm. You can be selfless for so many other things in this world that matter. But please please don't do it for men. There are so many women, children, animals and issues that could benefit from your care and selflessness.Environmental issues, crisis centres/ shelters for women, teach abroad, etc. Wasting it on shitty men won't make this world a better place. You deserve loads of effort and love in a relationship❤️❤️ You can be selfless, kind, caring but you must choose who and what you direct that energy towards. Because like you said, the world does need more people like you. But selflessness and care is of no use to the world if it is wasted on low value men. Women, children, animals and much more important issues that need you won't benefit if you waste it on nvm. Be kind and caring to yourself first. Have boundaries. Be strong enough to say no to anything and anyone taking advantage of you. You might feel immense guilt the first 10 times but then it will get much easier.

Title	I have a history of getting into low effort relationships. How do I break the cycle?
Author	2020Suviver19
Upvotes	47
Comments	3
Date	January 6, 2021 2:30 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/kroxjs/i_have_a_history_of_getting_into_low_effort/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/i-have-a-history-of-getting-into-low-effort.1059840 https://theredarchive.com/post/1059840

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