Hi all, I'm hoping someone from New Zealand will read this and have some advice on what my friend should do.
THE STORY: He took a girl home the other night after a night out celebrating, had some drinks (she is below the legal drinking age but above the age of consent), went to watch movies on his bed with her, starting kissing and had sex, without a condom due to the girl saying she was on contraception and afterwards she vomited he cleaned her up in the shower and put her to bed and then cleaned up the place and got into bed with her, they slept all night together (she was naked) he woke up next to her, they smiled and kissed and they did some foreplay, but no sex, and then he made her breakfast and left for work, leaving he rin his house.
When at work he saw Snapchat of her in an ambulance and sent her messages to confirm what was going on. She ignored him and blocked him. When he got home the police were already in his house, they had taken his bed and bedding, they took his laptop and his phone. They informed him he is under investigation for "sexual violation". There is no proof that the girl is making the accusation, but her behaviour makes her seem suspect.
Now this is all second hand information that I can't corroborate any of.
WHO IS HE: He is a foreign exchange student who has now graduated and is waiting on scholarship results. He is above age. He lives in a major new Zealand city. His English is very proficient, better than some natural speakers, just a bit slower, but he is unaware of the legal system and has no famoly or close friends in the country.
QUESTION: Is there any male advocacy groups that can help defend against a false rape accusation or give advice to him? Do you know of any counselling services that are trustworthy with these sort of issues? Do you have any insight into the legal proceedings and why they have gone to this step but not explained if accusations have been levied against him?
Thanks for any support. I will share this post with him when it gets some useful answers with resources.
P.S: I am Australian and only know about him through a friend, but he felt he could trust me when reaching out for help because of support I have shown him in the past with life direction and mental health.
Edit: my friend has now seen a lawyer and has been advised that is 95% likely he'll walk away from this with no charge as the details he's been given are not enough to charge him with and thee is unlikely to be any evidence that something non consensual happened. He might get charged with giving alcohol to a minor, but I don't think he cops really care about chasing that one. Ypung people will drink.
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You’re absolutely spot on with this. What happened to your friend is incredibly similar to what happened to me. Went to a girls house, she provided us with alcohol. She pushed me to have sex with her and then retroactively removed her consent when I told her I didn’t want to stay the night with her. I was also drinking and actually felt violated for being pressured into having unprotected intercourse with her. It has seriously fucked me up in ways that I cannot even begin to explain. Cops staged a phone call, I had to hire an attorney, I go to therapy twice a month, I’m on antipsychotics. I’m a shell of what I used to be. She claimed she was in a black out even though she showed no signs of even being drunk to me and she only had 4 beers. Rage, anger, regret, disgust, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, panic attacks, etc. it’s fucked up. I get teared up even thinking about it.
If your friend needs someone to talk to, I’d be more than happy to help him.
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