The common and praised portrayal of 'feminine men' is toxic. The prime examples are David Bowie and Harry Styles. Both are rich, white, extremely beautiful men in a position of power. They do not 'normalize' any kind of off-beat masculinity.

Instead, they enforce a boundary. Unless you're in the top of the hierarchy - by being so pretty, so rich and so white - you're not allowed 'femininity'. If you're a man and you're into 'feminine' things that aren't just fashion for rich folks, you're a pervert.

David Bowie and Harry Styles' looks are not gender-bending, but status symbols. As a trans girl, I never understood why I felt alienated from them. Shouldn't I be liberated? Shouldn't I feel that hey, as a man I can also try dresses and such?

I did not feel like this because I was at the bottom of the hierarchy. I did not have the right looks. My personality IS feminine - these men also project an image of a tough masculinity that doesn't show distress. I did not have the privilege of a naturally androgynous look.

My dysphoria eventually peaked and now I pretty much consider myself a woman, but I found the praising of such men as 'liberating' insulting both as a man and a woman. The message was: Stay in your lane, but if you're rich, white and pretty you can show off your money by wearing dresses. But STAY in your role as rich and powerful.