So I am reading FDS recommended text "Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That" and have come across this section titled: "GUIDING CHILDREN: Spoiling a Child Is Not What You Think It Is "

"...It is common for a controlling man to tell his partner that she is spoiling the children because she picks them up and cuddles them when they cry or get scared, or because they love to sit in her lap, or because she gets down on the floor and really plays with them, or because she keeps helping them with things they have a hard time with. He’s wrong. Being a loving, present, safe parent is good for kids; it’s exactly what they need you to do. (His real issue is that he wants you to focus at all times on doing everything for him instead of the kids. He’s the spoiled one.)"

YES!

This is exactly what my negative value ex did!

One time when I went to his family's house, his baby niece was crying and every adult was ignoring her. I instinctively picked her up and plopped her on my lap asking her to explain why she was crying. MY EX GOT MAD. He said I was "babying her". But the thing is when his brother made him cry he expected me to do the exact same to him!

Their whole family was abusive and beat their baby nephew for having autism meltdowns (because he was nonverbal he couldn't express his emotions!). I'm so glad I got out a long time ago but I really feel for those children.