I wrote a post about how I left and stayed in a hotel and then deleted it. I didn’t want to leave everyone hanging so here I am.

I left because I realized I was more angry with myself than anything else. It hit me that for the last 2 years I’ve bent over backwards to make my husband happy. If he was upset or had an unmet expectation I would jump to meet it and make him happy. All the while I was like, “hey, can I get something”? Understandably he’s been angry about things in our marriage, but I couldn’t keep chasing him like a lost puppy.

I felt like the desperate girlfriend checking her texts all the time while he’s out not thinking a bit about her.

When I got home I told my husband all of that. I explained that I understood that he had expectations (like there being dinner made or the house neat or me being healthy). But that I have expectations also. I don’t want to be given the cold shoulder if I say the “wrong” thing or for no reason whatsoever. I’d like to be kissed and hugged and shown affection to. I’d like to be honest and not have my words bite me later when they’re used against me.

I also told him that for the last several years I’ve been doing everything to not lose him but he’s never stopped to think that maybe he would lose me (and that I’ve never looked at it that way).

I explained how incredibly hurtful his comments about sex were. And how it made me see that all my efforts in chasing him were fruitless. And that if was interested in keeping me then he would have to change how he’s doing things.

I was surprised that he wasn’t angry and we didn’t argue. We sat calmly and talked about our expectations and what we both want.

And we was very sweet with me yesterday. Last night he actually played with my hair while we were laying in bed going to sleep (something I’ve done for him but he never responds).

I realized my need to focus on things for me and stop trying to make him happy. Yes there are expectations and things I need to do, but to constantly worry about “does he like me? What did I do wrong that he seems unhappy today?” Is just controlling and exhausting. I’m rereading The Empowered Wife and remembering to focus on my happiness .