What are your favourite "casual" questions to ask a new guy to figure him out (for the purpose of vetting without him knowing)?

SadClownProstitute · 2020-10-23T13:13:12+00:00

Any time I see an opening to ask about the last relationship he had, I'll throw it in there. It gives you a very early glimpse into what kind of guy he is, and the answers to that question will determine whether I bother asking him any other questions or just end the date.

If it takes him no more than a casual question about his ex or his last serious relationship to get him started on a long meandering ramble about her and their relationship and their breakup and the trauma of it all, he's not done with her and shouldn't be dating.

If he starts on an angry rant about her, he's not in control of his own emotions, and also still has enough feelings about her to be fine expressing anger in front of me.

If he makes jokes about sticking his dick in crazy, he's both wildly immature and probably takes zero responsibility for the fact that if she was crazy, there's a possibility he contributed to that.

If he shrugs and says "we didn't make each other happy" and then changes the subject, that's all I need to hear for now.

The way he talks about his past relationships is probably THE most important factor in me deciding whether to date him again. It tells you SO much about him. How he views women, how he talks about them, how he processes the sadness from a breakup.

If he has kids, this is especially important because I'm not willing to walk into a bunch of babymama drama. I want to hear him talk about his role in his kids life - is he going to complain about child support payments, is he going to complain about the custody agreement, is he going to say things like "luckily I only have them every other weekend so I have lots of time for you!" That's a hard pass from me.

If they're effective coparents who put in an effort for the sake of their kids, and he likes being a dad and being involved, that's okay by me.

Basically any questions you can ask him where you can get his opinion on a third party. How he talks about other people will be how he talks about you in the future.

saint-jezebel · 2020-10-23T14:24:16+00:00

Ive learned that when you stop talking, most men will make up for the silence. Just listen to them. If I think something needs elaboration, I may ask "why?" "can you elaborate?" "how does that work?" etc. I dont ask questions because men can have answers to questions scripted and it doesnt weed out the red flags. This is an approach Ive used and it has worked so far.

jayda92 · 2020-10-23T14:11:23+00:00

What goals did you achieve? ...How?

What's your biggest accomplishment so far?

What goals are you currently working on?

What in life taught you the most?

What quality do you like best in people?

How is your family?

What's your favorite brand of clothes?

Are you a handyman or do you have two left hands?

How would your ex describe you? How would your friends describe you?

Ask open questions: they can not be answered with 'yes' or 'no'.

If he's giving strange answers, walk away, block and delete 👍

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