Why do we try to teach that "confidence if everything" ?

vcreativ · 2021-11-01T13:37:50+00:00

The "we" you're describing is a purely virtual concept. Roughly speaking an implicit consensus that when given the binary choice more confidence or less, people intuitively understand that more is usually better because it does correlate with success. "We" here is not a group of people who reflect on things for an extended period of time.

So to answer your question: Because it's an easily comprehensible "solution" to most issues in the world, "just be confident". Helpful isn't it. It's little more than a throwaway line.

Consider the following types of "confidence":

An entire absence of fear. This is considered absolute confidence especially by young people men/women alike. These are your classic dark triad lot that quite literally do not care or care by unexpected metrics. Their behaviour is reckless, but to many it appears as supremely confident. This is not an achievement.
Passive confidence due to repeatedly observed ability to handle a situation well, e.g. skill. Whereas it might've been an achievement to get here, on its own it isn't. Someone simply understands that they can do something well. It's trivial to be confident in performing a task if you know you're good at it.
Active (internalised) confidence. I.e. an ability to manage fears because you realise that no skill or ability (or lack thereof) can possibly define you. This is meaningful confidence. But it's nowhere near as comprehensible as the above two types. It's a constant stage of courage, basically, yet due to its more flashy siblings, is usually not giving appropriate consideration, if any.

So in your examples, the guy who is getting all the girls isn't necessarily confident at all. You'd have to put him in a situation that he doesn't know how he'd perform in to understand. These sort of people also usually consider partners as reasonably replaceable commodities. This is quite powerful in the sense that you're removing the negative payoff in its entirety. I.e. all the fun, I might add.

If the person you're asking out is not important to you, and you have a pretty good take on them saying yes, then is asking them out really a display of confidence?

So in terms of rejection, how you handle it when it matters to you is what determines your actual level of confidence, not not getting in that situation.

MelliniRose · 2021-11-01T00:33:33+00:00

It's not confidence in everything you do, that's attractive. It's confidence in who you are as a person. Knowing who you are and sticking to it, not basing your value on the opinions other people have of you, or on how much money you make. Confident people that know who they are and don't try to change or pretend to be something they're not, for the approval of others, are extremely attractive

SomeForgettableGuy · 2021-10-31T20:15:09+00:00

People like a confident person even if they have no idea what they're doing or talking about, confidence leads others to feel secure around you, if they think you know what you're doing then they don't have to worry about anything because you "clearly" have it under control

heytheredelilah91 · 2021-11-01T07:33:12+00:00

Think of it the opposite way: what is the opposite of confidence?

Insecurity. And dating people who can't deal with their insecurities fucking sucks.

Title	Why do we try to teach that "confidence if everything" ?
Author	Gmed66
Upvotes	10
Comments	36
Date	October 31, 2021 4:29 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/qjt3up/why_do_we_try_to_teach_that_confidence_if/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/why-do-we-try-to-teach-that-confidence-if.1080779 https://theredarchive.com/post/1080779

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