How does asking friends to set you up on a date work?

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-10-27T13:46:10+00:00

If you have to ask your female friends to try to set you up, yes it is taking the initiative in a way. It’s a bad idea for other reasons though:

They are likely to reveal information about you to the male you have no control over, like how long you’ve been single or why you broke up with your last partner.

They may not believe you if this male friend of theirs sexually assaults you because it reflects poorly on their decision making skills, and because ‘he’s such a nice guy!’. It puts everyone in a really awkward position in general, should something go wrong. Or if it goes very right, it can cause jealousy, possessiveness, or envy.

You lose critical opportunities to vet someone on small things that occur within the first few conversations and initial planning stages. How he approaches, how he carries a conversation, is he willing to respect your tiny boundaries around scheduling and talking times, etc. You will feel obligated to give him a chance and ignore things you may have blocked a man for in the past specifically because you have a mutual friend and want to preserve your social standing with them.

dancedancedance83 · 2021-10-28T05:52:14+00:00

I think in general asking your friends to set you up is tacky. I’d be thinking: Is my friend really that desperate to ask friends for a date?

Much rather have a trusted friend approach me with someone they had in mind. Then I’d consider from there.

Not saying being set up is bad. And yes, the dating scene is trash. But IRL when I’ve seen this happen, it almost always makes the woman look really thirsty at worst, desperate at best asking for dates like that.

Title	How does asking friends to set you up on a date work?
Author	fireforestfairy
Upvotes	30
Comments	3
Date	October 27, 2021 10:37 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/qgtpxf/how_does_asking_friends_to_set_you_up_on_a_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/how-does-asking-friends-to-set-you-up-on-a-date.1081578 https://theredarchive.com/post/1081578

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