TL;DR Dated a scrote, then understood how disturbing his behavior was after finding FDS and reading the biography of serial killer/rapist Ted Bundy.

I wasn't sure whether to put his under Book Report or Male Depravity, but here we go.

After over a year of lockdown, my standards for men had fallen drastically, I have to admit. I ended up dating what I thought was a charming guy. He was reasonably good looking, easy to talk to, a good listener, and he seemed really into me. Because I was lonely and appreciated those positive attributes, I let him explain away all the many red flags (list is non-exhaustive):

  • Lied a LOT - I told myself these were white lies that guys told about themselves to get women to date them, that they weren't serious, even after I caught him in lies over and over again.
  • Lied a lot about basic facts, wouldn't even admit it when asked directly - Height, when asked about whether he was seeing other people, etc.
  • Became a completely different person when confronted with any difficult situation - Attitude, the way he spoke, moved, facial expressions. It was like a completely different person from the one I'd known when things got even mildly uncomfortable.
  • Was always the victim of his own story, even when those stories made HIM sound bad.
  • Had numerous social groups, but isolated me from all of them - Turned out one was a weekly activity for him to find women to fuck, one was for guys to talk to about how to pick up women or brag about sexual conquests, and one was for normal friend-like activities like brunch (probably with his secret long-term girlfriend). And yet we only ever saw each other one-on-one.
  • Seemed really into me and trying to trick me into committing only to him, even though I wasn't looking for anything serious at the time. Telling me how perfect we were for each other, how he hasn't felt this way in a long time, asking if I wanted kids, etc. And it did trick me into wanting a relationship with him.
  • Way into BDSM/bondage - OK, kind of fun at first, but then disturbing to think how much this guy ENJOYS hurting me.
  • Made vague plans about the future but never followed through - Romantic things we'd do together long term, etc. Turned out his weekend nights were reserved for someone else.
  • Though he seemed to do well with meeting women, he made a lot of thinly veiled incel-type comments on his general views towards women. He had a very troubled relationship with his mom, and I realize now that's probably why he gets off on hurting women physically.
  • Had been rejected a lot by women due to being short, and he was clearly bitter about it.

He dumped me when I tried to have the "defining the relationship" talk and asked when I would be meeting his friends. I knew I was better off and put all these red flags together to see that he was manipulating me the whole time.

A few months later, I found FDS and realized how common AND toxic this behavior is for LVM. I shouldn't have to explain away major red flags, and being alone is much better than being with a manipulator. I'm confident I will not fall for this stuff again and am dating someone much better now who has none of the above characteristics.

I had put the LVM out of my mind for the most part. But then last week, I found a recommendation on Reddit for The Stranger Beside Me, the biography of Ted Bundy, the famous serial killer/rapist. It was written by a friend of his who got a contract to write a book on the crimes before they knew who was committing the crimes. I like true crime, so I started reading it, and it SHOOK me. To read about his behavior with his girlfriend, other women, friends, and colleagues, nearly every point matched what I experienced with the scrote. The guy can be literally a different person to different audiences, and thinks of people in terms of how they can serve his purposes. The only point that was slightly different was that Bundy had been rejected for not coming from a wealthy family, while the scrote I knew was rejected for being way below average height.

The main reason we don't have as many serial killers anymore is because mobile phone technology and DNA tracing have made it nearly impossible for someone to do this without getting caught. I realized that if this weren't the case, this LVM would be a literal serial killer, and that he probably fantasizes about being one. It would be so easy too. He lies with ease, had convinced me to go to his home with a big yard for solo dates, had me isolated from other social support, and he never wanted me to meet anyone else in his life. He even tried to talk me into hanging out at a cemetery once. I declined and told him that was creepy, but he made it sound so normal, like I'd said, "Nah, I don't feel like Mexican food tonight; let's go for Chinese." So I didn't give it much thought.

Ladies, be careful out there. These men are dangerous. When you see a red flag, run, or minimally, tell a friend, write it down, know that it is important or could be later. It is cause to be on alert and either leave or at least investigate further to understand what is driving it. While this LVM might not have murdered me, I'm sure it was only a matter of time before he hurt me psychologically and physically.

Edit: Typos/grammar/removing potentially identifiable info