Finally happening. Need advice

anonymizered · 2022-01-28T01:01:53+00:00

I just did some of these. Go in and speak only about yourself and what you want. Do not engage if she slings mud or says anything crazy. Do not use the word “you”. Goodluck. Remain calm.

AlexFromOgish · 2022-01-28T01:08:35+00:00

One good way to prepare for the immediate crisis and putting yourself back together later is to get into therapy. Assuming you’re stable in terms of daily needs immediate goal with a therapist is to help you figure out what you hope to negotiate. Lawyers can give you advice from a legal perspective but the therapist can help you search your heart for what you really want

dranic · 2022-01-28T02:27:26+00:00

Do you have temporary orders in place for the child? Prioritize. Know where you won't flex, and stick hard. Flex like hell on everything else, but make sure she thinks it's eating you up. Divorcing women don't typically know what they want, except everything. Remember, in her mind, everything belongs to her, 100%. Anything you get is because she's allowing you to have her stuff. On top of graciously allowing you to have what's yours, they also want to inflict the maximum amount of pain. So make sure you seem wounded.

Custody. I'd see if you can get it on tape outside of but before mediation. I only know my experience, but we breezed through custody at 50 50 with no centention whatsoever only for her to change her mind at the signing and switch to a protracted custody battle. If you want 50/50. Stick to it.. don't budge an inch, not 49.9, or were going to court. End of story.

I asked about temporary orders, because otherwise there's no real incentive to settle, and is often used just to see how far you'll stretch before getting lawyers involved to finish you off. There needs to be some motivating factor. Remember, if this isn't court ordered mediation, if there's nothing signed, it never happened. If she agrees to 50 50, nobody is going to hold her accountable for her words if she changes her mind. Good luck out there

canival9885 · 2022-01-28T04:00:07+00:00

Mediation in definitely the way to go if you can keep it amicable. It will save you thousands in lawyers fees. Half of the battle is going to be with your child. Custody? Child support? Health insurance? Expenses? Etc. Me and my STBXW agreed to joint custody, split on the expenses. Be patient, there will be a lot of give and take. Your STBXW will change her mind on certain things and so will you, important thing to remember is what’s right for your kids and try to keep the emotions between you both to a minimum.

JonathanApple · 2022-01-28T16:54:34+00:00

Record everything from this second on. Not a peep or argument out of you. At all. It can and will be used against you. Do not assume she will be reasonable.

Wld_N_frE · 2022-01-28T19:25:44+00:00

Think about what you want, aim a little above; prepare for a little below.

I’d focus on custody and trying to be as fair about time and such intensely. Would also do damn near anything to avoid alimony.

Don’t show emotion no matter what because you don’t want them pushing your buttons or knowing where they can exert power. Think and strive for a 50:50 split with everything and hope for the best.

Title	Finally happening. Need advice
Author	skirted_dork
Upvotes	1
Comments	7
Date	January 27, 2022 10:04 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/sea0yl/finally_happening_need_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/finally-happening-need-advice.1099383 https://theredarchive.com/post/1099383

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