Dealing with redpill friends

Snoo52682 · 2022-03-04T14:22:20+00:00

So, you distrust this woman, allow your friends to insult her behind your back, "want her to fail," refuse to open up to her, and don't like her having contact with other men, ever.

You realize she's gonna dump you and it's 100% your fault, right?

jejuned · 2022-03-04T15:30:39+00:00

She’s showing a lot of interest and encourages me to communicate my feelings but I feel like she will lose interest if I reciprocate or spend too much time with her.

if she loses interest, this will not be why. this is... such an utterly backwards line of thinking that it's difficult to address. she is explicitly telling you that she wants to hear about your inner thoughts, and you're interpreting that as "she will lose interest if i tell her what i'm thinking." like, there is no trust, so there is no relationship. a woman is explaining to you to your face what she'd like in the relationship and you're going "nah, sounds wrong." that is such obvious self-sabotage dude, you HAVE to know that, why are you doing this to yourself when you have such a great opportunity in front of you? like, what authority do you feel you have to know someone else's mind better than they do?

m_reigl · 2022-03-04T14:29:24+00:00

Let me preface this with: I am only talking from my own experience. I am not infallible, what worked for me might not for you. Please also know that I'm not a native English speaker, so some of this might read a bit weirdly. Still, maybe this input might give you some helpful ideas.

First, you may have people saying "No one is innately deserving of a woman's affection." The inverse is also true: No one is innately undeserving of a woman's affection. If she explicitly says she's interested in you then she's interested in you and there's nothing wrong reciprocating her feelings if you so choose. If you are worried that she might dump you, there is nothing wrong with going into the relationship a bit more slowly and let yourself acclimate to the new situation while also protecting yourself from potential emotional harm. However eventually you might find it helpful to talk these insecurities out with her.

This leads me neatly into my second point: Communication is important. You say you are uncomfortable with how she interacts (interacted?) with some of your friends. And you are right, demanding of her to cut of contact with them is controlling. But there is nothing wrong with politely telling her in private that her doing these things is causing you discomfort and trying to work out a solution. She'll probably still want to meet with them (from what you tell she seems to be friends with them after all) but if she respects your boundaries she'll probably stop flirting with them / stop letting them touch her / whatever compromise you might find. But again, girls can't read your mind. She cannot accomodate your point of view if you don't talk to her.

Lastly, you metioned your hobbies. I'd encourage you to keep pursuing them, even if you enter into the relationship. Relationships are not (usually) an agreement to devote 100% of your free time to each other. In fact, from what I've seen, heard and read, letting the relationship be the only thing in your life can lead you to become emotionally dependent on your girlfriend which could both deteriorate the relationship and seriously mess up your mental health. It's good and healthy to pursue things outside your dating life, but also respect that your partner does the same. Eventually, if it ever becomes an issue, I'd reiterate my advice from above and encourage you to talk it out with her.

\rant

thetruthishere_ · 2022-03-04T19:03:00+00:00

A women tells you she has feelings for you and you just want to self destruct it letting your friends and some pill baloney dictate your life.

Newbie1955 · 2022-03-04T13:27:35+00:00

I was friends with my hubby for nearly a year before I asked him out. About to celebrate 14 years of marriage with two kids. Here is the difference between a "simp" who is "friendzoned" and a "friend" : Simps are not friends to the women they are friendly with. They are not "friends" with them because they enjoy the woman's company, they are just waiting for a moment of vulnerability where they can make their move. They're lying to the woman about their intentions, lying to themselves about their intentions, and they are not being authentic. These are Nice Guys, they abound, and women hate them because we hate being used and lied to, and while on some level many of us can tell the difference, it can be difficult to tell the difference between a guy who is actually interested in us as a person and a guy who is just biding his time until he can get into our pants.

I hadn’t thought too much of it because I always thought that I was friendzoned. So I focused on being a good friend.

There you go. Possibly by pure accident, you've been giving her the kind of attention women most desperately want from men: the kind where she's a human being and not a sex object. I gotta tell you, it's rare for a woman--particularly an attractive woman--to receive that sort of male attention. For many of us, we've never been shown that a man can value us for anything other than our sexuality. All these men who pretend to be our friends tell us again and again that men only see us as a walking vagina and do not value us as humans. As soon as these "Nice Guys" realize that they can't just treat us like vending machines, feeding acts of friendship until sex falls out, they proclaim they are tired of 'dealing with our shit' that is literally the other 99% of who we are. All they ever wanted was the 1% and were only willing to tolerate our 99% so long as they thought they had a shot at the 1%. When you are a friend with a woman and being authentic, you value her 99% independent of her 1%, not contingent on it. If you have been showing her that sort of relationship, then shit yes she fell for you. How could she not?

You want this to fail because you've created a safety zone in your head where you will never be rejected or hurt if you never try. Has she actually given you any reason, ever, to mistrust her authenticity, or are you treating her like a monolith and assuming that her feelings and motivations are based on the guys she's with instead of on her as an individual sovereign human and sexual being? If you truly are her friend, then you should be able to answer that question about her character.

If your guy friends are really your friends, then they will be happy for you. If they try and drag you down, then they're the crabs in the barrel, wanting everyone else to be miserable with them. If they're Red Pill, then they don't believe that women are capable of valuing who they are as a person, either--she can only value what he can produce or his looks. A woman falling for a "low-SMV" man literally threatens this worldview and ego-investment. If they are your friends, and she is a good person, then they will be happy for you. If they are more concerned with beating you and her down, then they're more interested in not facing the possibility that women could actually like them for who they are as people. If that were true, they'd have to do the very scary thing of being willing to be seen for who they are, instead of all the posturing and mask-wearing that they allow the world to see and believe will "trigger" attraction in women.

Kurved420 · 2022-03-04T19:42:35+00:00

Oh bro you came for advice and you're being virtue signaled.

Maybe this is the wrong place to ask

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agavaa · 2022-03-04T09:43:40+00:00

First of all - are you interested in her? If you are it seems you're overthinking how she will act if you "make the wrong move". What is "too much time" spend with her? What if you're spending too little time with her? Do you want to spend time with her? Then do and have fun, if she loses interest then it is what it is, you can't control that and it's not the end of the world. But hear me out - what if she doesn't lose interest? What if you could just have good time with her? No reason to shoot yourself in the foot like that, try to relax and see where it goes.

About your friends - it seems you spend a bit of time worrying what they think. You say you can't counter anything they say - do you have to? Having success in dating doesn't automatically make them right. They are just humans with their own biases based on personal experience. People are getting food for both their friends and partners all the time, it does not make you a simp, it makes you a nice person. It seems like your friendship with them is sabotaging even the possibility of having a fulfilling relationship for you. They are telling you that you don't have chance with her? That is not something a friend would say, especially since she's already shown interest - it's a lie. They are clearly putting you down in the name of their beliefs and biases. So the question is: do you need this kind of negative energy in your life? Maybe the best option is to cut them loose?

AbbreviationsNo7536 · 2022-03-05T05:02:54+00:00

Are you in school with these “friends” of yours? I’d ditch them if I were you. They don’t treat you very well and I think it would be good for your self esteem to surround yourself with people (friends and romantic partners) who are rooting for your success and wellbeing.

blackbird_90 · 2022-12-29T05:16:12+00:00

It's very telling that you feel you have a problem dealing with your friends but have already decided a relationship with the girl is not worth a try. Like, "help I am trying to avoid a relationship with this girl so hard that my friends are going to find out and stop being my friends".

PS: they aren't your friends.

Title	Dealing with redpill friends
Author	gogo_boy35
Upvotes	10
Comments	21
Date	March 4, 2022 7:36 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/t6dnbz/dealing_with_redpill_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/dealing-with-redpill-friends.1104239 https://theredarchive.com/post/1104239

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