I had a very sad case that most my friends were unaware of for years... I had an exe HB10 I was mentally still attached to, with hopes of reuniting. The truth as much as I tried to lie to myself was that it was living my life with my hands tied behind my back. We would sporadically talk and my stance was I don't want to be friends I only want a relationship to which she was against. I know now that my mistake was picking up the phone or caĺling her in the first place.

But I digress, I found the red pill, told myself I am done waiting if I got a HB10 I can get 100 (I am never talking to her again, even if she is at my door with a buttplug and a school girl uniform) I was able to see the value of the PUA thing, studied the material from Neil Strauss and Richard Gambler, Then I started to get my frame of mind in the right place, I took a vacation, worked up a style of flurting and have had more woman the last 7 days than what I had in the last 7 months.

With one girl, I really connected. We would gaze at each others eyes for minutes without speaking! I did it partly for game, partly because it felt good and in the heat of sex there was this whole possesive thing: You are mine, I am yours, your holes are mine, etc. I'm aware I could brush the thought as being just sexual turn-ons, but I am afraid we both meant it. I'm concerned I meant it actually. Because I have a personality that doesnt do well letting go (see HB10 years later).

I don't know what to do, I feel like I have just got my wings back and I like this new-found-me, but I am really into this one girl, enough to make her my main girl for a while. Yet I will get very upset if I find her "preferring" to fuck someone else... I want to keep my alpha status with her, but I also have to go back on what I said, meant and still feel I want ... that is because I don't want an LTR this second. I am confused.