I’ve always tried to be a ‘good’ person by being kind to everyone, and helping them if it’s in my power to help. But lately I’ve been finding this exhausting - friends and colleagues constantly ask me for favours without so much as a thank you, and if I don’t help them then they get all huffy and call me selfish for only thinking about myself.

I’ve been told that when you help someone, you do so because you wanted to, and you shouldn’t expect anything in return. Which of course I get - I’m not doing favours for people because I want one back, I’m doing it because I care about my friends and colleagues and want them to be happy. But when I don’t even get a thank you for what I do, (and am being made to feel entitled for just expecting a simple verbal ‘thank you’) I feel so drained and empty. It makes me feel like I’m expected to help someone, and if I don’t volunteer my time or effort then I’m a bad person.

For instance I recently just spent 2 hours coaching an ex-colleague on interview tips so he could be prepared for a new interview. When he made it to the next round he wanted another coaching session - at that point I put my foot down and said I didn’t have the time, but could send him some resources. He got huffy and said this interview was important to him. I apologised and sent him some interview notes, and never heard back from him again.

There’s the friend I to stay at my place rent free for a week while she picked herself up. I paid for all the groceries and did all the cooking for her. When I later asked her for advice on something, she ghosted me.

Then there’s the friend I lent money to to help her buy groceries. She blocked me after I asked for my money back a few months later when she got a promotion.

I’ve always been taught that a lady will help others if she can, even if she is being treated poorly. But right now I’m starting to feel frustrated and resentful, and it’s turning me into a cold person who’s now no longer wanting to help others. I’m afraid of turning into stone, but I don’t know if I’m being entitled for just expecting some kindness in return?