Wife treats adult age sons like pets.

fhl415 · 2022-04-20T01:02:47+00:00

Your issue with the parenting didn't just happen. Their attitudes were fostered over many years. You are now trying to reverse years of molding them into what they are now. Expectations for college, career, etc. are established in a child's early years. If college isn;t the thing then some kind of trade school, apprenticeship, licensing, certification and such are the alternative so they start earning a gainful income for themselves.

I have two adult sons that still live at home which are gainfully employed. Both went to college and paid their own way but had scholarship assistance. I paid my own way through college as well. Once out of college they both started paying a substantial amount of rent with annual increases so that if they decide to move out their budget doesn't drastically change. They buy their own food. They have their own cars, insurance, etc. Common expenses like utilities are calculated in their rent. But they knew all of this would happen so there is no disagreement in the household. My wife and I were on the same page.

I'm sorry your wife is not on board with your trying to give them some responsibility for their direction in life. It will be hard to get things to change in your household. Your boys have it easy and have no reason to change as long as things continue.

pegleg_legal · 2022-04-20T02:24:43+00:00

Spare the rod, spoil the child. They need to fucking grow up.

plslet_this_one_work · 2022-04-20T09:28:16+00:00

I agree that this is a parenting issue that got here over time but it seems like you've done everything you can to try and talk to your wife about it and get her to change. It's obvious that she's not going to so I suggest talking to your sons instead. They're grown adults capable of having a frank conversation with you about where their lives are headed and why being so dependent on their parents (even if one of those parents is happy to feed into their dependency) spells trouble. What's your wife going to do, stop you from talking to your own kids? If you can't convince your whole family to get counseling, at least try to convince your sons to go, just them. I'm also wondering whether they have any friends their age? Why is it that they have no desire to do anything with their lives when all their friends and peers are probably moving ahead? They can't possible be content just watching their peers outgrow them.

Gxl4 · 2022-04-20T11:42:38+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dasNyOeRJGA

i did reply also on your other thread in that sub. thats now closed and seems that your OP is deleted lol. came across this YT vid, maybe it does come in handy.

playerknowmore · 2022-04-20T00:11:29+00:00

Do they understand that they are causing the end of your marriage.

Wife treats adult age sons like pets.

Crosspost "Wife treats adult age sons like pets." from /r/relationship_advice:

Comments

Title	Wife treats adult age sons like pets.
Author	rods2112
Upvotes	7
Comments	15
Date	April 19, 2022 11:55 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/u7j3f3/wife_treats_adult_age_sons_like_pets/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-treats-adult-age-sons-like-pets.1112000 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112000