This post is slightly inspired by another recent RP post. Search for it if you want "a tale of the drug that is alpha dick".

After reading that post I really got to thinking about that guy she was describing. To sum it up, a girl met a natural alpha pussy magnet and things didn't go well for her (no surprise there). The twist is that she mentions over and over that he wasn't happy with himself. I've met so many naturally alpha pussy magnets that are actually unhappy and miserable and it suddenly dawned on me what all of them had in common. They weren't in sync with their goals. Whether or not her guy is actually like the guys I am thinking of, that is irrelevant because her story just led me to think about this whole idea.

This isn't one of the feel-good posts that says "be yourself". Fuck that phrase. "Be yourself" is only a valid strategy when you are winning. In all other situations it is the road map to to stagnation or failure. What I am about to say is the type of advice I wish someone would have given me 20 years ago but instead I kept getting "be yourself and you'll find yourself".

A long-winded personal story about a mostly naturally alpha but ultimately miserable guy

The dude in that other post she described really reminded me of a front man from one of my old bands. Fantastic, fun, crazy guy with a set of killer pipes and great stage presence. To a stranger he looked like a natural alpha who couldn't lose. The guy just couldn't keep it in his pants at all, even when it was wisest to tell Lil' Jimmy "no". He easily snagged 5 to 6 new girls a month, probably double that. Two or three girls in a single day? Yeah, he did that too. Almost every guy I knew was super jealous of him. I know I was. Then he brought me into his fold, invited me to play in a new project he was putting together, and we became close friends for several years.

There were more than a few practice sessions where the last two guys hanging around would just be he and I knocking back some beers, jamming, writing songs only he and I would ever listen to, and when it was just the two of us some seriously dark, damaged self-image shit came out of his mouth. I was older, wiser, owned property, had a career already and I learned that he really looked up to me because I demonstrated so much of the stability that he craved in his own life. As they say, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Because of that, he opened up a lot to me. His biggest goal was to be a dad with a family.

Just an example of one of his inner secrets and how out of sync he was with his goals: He was desperately in love with another one of our friends, wanted her more than anything. I knew her personally and she actually wanted to be with him, but she refused to be with him because he was such a man whore. That fact crushed him on an emotional level bordering on self-destruction and suicide. I thought I was the pathetic emo pussy in the band but it turned out that apparently I had my mental shit together compared to him. Then we'd have a party at my house later after a show the next day and he'd be fucking a new girl in the garage or in my bathroom or the backyard while the girl he really wanted got to listen to the new girl's screaming-O's through the wall. She would be even less interested in him and he would be more depressed that she would say she couldn't be with him. Band drama... fuck yeah! Damn was it stupid, but it seems my role in most of my bands was to be the counselor to the other tortured artists and keep them focused on the important shit.

Until those late night after practice drinking sessions I really just thought he was this natural pussy magnet life-of-the-party type of guy and I thought that he loved being that guy. It turned out that he absolutely hated being that guy but he didn't know how to be anything else and he didn't have the grit to change. Pussy, music, and being the life of the party came easy to him and anything else required work, so he just took the path of least resistance.

That's how he was out of sync and he stayed out of sync.

Fast forward over 15 years and he's stayed in the music/party scene. He's been married twice, cheated on both his wives repeatedly, sired children in at least two of those affairs, and completely fucked over his relationship with all of his kids, and got himself in trouble with a statutory rape charge (and I do not doubt that he probably did it knowing full well what he was doing) which ended the second marriage. Both of his wives stood by him for so damn long until they just couldn't take it any longer. The last time I actually talked to him, the comment he said that stuck with me the most is "I fuck up a lot, but it's who I am. I can't change it." Again, he's going with the path of least resistance and he's miserable because the path of least resistance doesn't take him towards his goals.

That is why I can't hang out with him anymore. He knows what he wants. He wants healthy and rewarding relationships. He fucking loves his kids and loves the idea of being a dad but he doesn't have the balls to look away from the award of easy pussy and focus on his real goals. He knows his actions ruined both his attempts at building a family but instead of telling himself "I'm going to be the man I want to be" he says "I can't change". He is the king of self-fulling prophecy in that respect.

The lesson - Part 1: If your actions don't match your goals, you will make yourself miserable as a man

Your actions and your goals must be in sync or you will make yourself miserable to your very core. This applies to relationships with women as well as our other goals. If you want to shag new pussy constantly, do it but it has to be part of your game plan. If you want to make a family and build long lasting relationships, you must take actions that are in sync with making that healthy family. If you want to be an amazing musician or artist and you get married to a shrew that won't let you engage in your art, you'll be miserable. Any other choice is just insanity because you aren't being true to your goals.

That doesn't mean if you love music as your number one passion you must become a rock star. It does mean that if you choose to allow other parts of your life to inhibit your ability to enjoy music you will be unhappy with that part of your life. I would argue that you need to find a way to make the other parts of your life at least passively support your passion. Do you love snowboarding and that feeling of floating down the mountain on fresh pow? Then you owe it to yourself to have a career that enables you engage that passion. You need to live close enough and make enough money to support that passion.

The Lesson - Part 2: If the path of least resistance (PLR) doesn't take you towards your goals, it is holding you back

Some will argue that the PLR is always bad, but I will say that if for some reason that path is still taking you towards you idea of success, keep following it. The trap is that too often we will take that path far too long. Then we find ourselves stagnating or actually falling farther and farther away from that goal that gives us that sense of accomplishment we crave as men.

Video games are a great example of PLR. Easy sense of false accomplishment unless you happen to be one of those ultra-rare guys that manages to make a living in the pro-gamer circuit. Other things in our lives can be a PLR without realizing it though. Our careers can be that PLR that holds us back. "Yeah, I want to accomplish _____ but I will probably get another promotion at work so I'm going to do that instead." 15 years later you look back and realize you didn't take a single damn risk and took the safe bet every time. Trust me. I did that with my previous job for 8 years. I wasted 8 years at a job I hated and all because I kept getting easy promotions and more money and vacation time. I should have been looking for a better job during that time instead of just going with the flow.

Our relationships are often PLRs. Lots of us let our relationships become ruts. Maybe one man's PLR is banging a new hottie every week and other guy's rut is going shopping yet again with his bank-account sucking vampire of a fiance. Perhaps you spend every single weekend getting drunk with the same three guys every Friday and Saturday at the same bar. If those actions are your goal then great! But if you are doing it just because that is what you do and it just seems to be how things happen and it doesn't actively push you in the direction of your real goals, it is time to re-evaluate the time, money, and resources we invest in those activities.

The application - Periodically reflect on where you take the PLR in your life and determine if that path is actually improving your life and taking you closer to your goals. Muster up the GRIT to change.

Be brutally honest when you do it. Identify what you want to accomplish and look at how your current actions relate to those goals. Prioritize those goals. Ask questions like: "Are my friends supporting my goals?", "Is my job allowing me to take on my goals?", "Are these the types of women I really want to spend my time on?", "In five/ten years when I look back on what I am doing right now, will I be proud of what I am working towards?"

The answers to those questions will naturally show you what you need to do. Then the only thing you have to do is stop taking that path of least resistance.

Hopefully some of you new guys flowing into the sub will find this long old-man's rambling blathering useful.