Hi ladies, I’m relatively new to RPW but I’ve been lurking and trying to absorb stuff. I’ve come across the RPW idea that as a woman, I must get more comfortable with receiving from the man, who naturally likes to provide. I’m struggling to adopt it in my relationship. I’ll try to be as objective as I can.

My bf and I are both in our 20’s and together for over 3 years, planning to get married in the next two years. I am a student and take care of our house, and he pays most of our bills (I pay some from my savings). I usually take care of cooking and groceries and as a way of showing my love and appreciation, I make sure to often include his favourite snacks and meals. When we had to be long distance for short intervals, he’d rarely cook and grab fast food and I would use any meal delivery coupons I got to surprise him with dinner (it made more sense for his location than mine in terms of delivery cost effectiveness so I never used any for myself). I take as good care of the house as I can with doing classes and that includes picking up his clothes, snack wrappers and dishes from all over the house everyday, which I’ve always found mildly irritating but didn’t want to make it a hill to die on so I let it go.

I fell for him because I found him to be a generally wonderful, kind man with a very intelligent sense of humour. We have differences that I put aside as something every relationship has to deal with. He’s also a firm believer in stoicism and says that makes him not as much of a romantic. He says he enjoys doing stuff for me and being “giving” but I feel disappointed a lot of times because I don’t really see it happen without me asking him to do it. He never says no if I request that he pick something up for me on his way back home. He helps me if I ask for help with any chore or anything. He’s very easygoing with taking me out on dates BUT like everything, I have to ask. He doesn’t get me little gifts like chocolate when I’m on my period or wine for a spontaneous date night at home. I’ve been wishing to be “surprised” with little things every now and then or even taken out on a date without me having to ask for it. And yes, I’ve brought it up and things change for a little bit but then revert.

Some other things that haven’t sat well with me:

he used to serve himself food and begin eating without offering me anything or serving me something, even in instances when I had cooked the whole meal and was just washing up. I felt like a “housemate with benefits”. It’s gotten better after I brought up a few times that it hurt me.

A couple of our close friends often pay for our appetizers/drinks when we visit their city and go out to eat together. I grew up with similar social norms so when it’s just me, I reciprocate in similar ways but when I go with my bf, he merely accepts the treat and does not reciprocate (even when the friends visit us in our city), which makes me awkward and uncomfortable because I don’t want to “undermine his authority”, especially with his friend, when he pays for us. I’ve brought it up and he shrugs it off saying that it’s their way of repaying us for Christmas gifts (but we got Christmas gifts from them as well?!)

When I got pretty sick, I couldn’t take care of the house and just lay in bed with a fever, working on assignments I couldn’t get excused for. I asked him to pick up a box of covid tests on his way home and he did, but also bought a snack only for himself, one he knows I don’t like and then commented that he should’ve bought some juice because he had a hankering for it. I could’ve communicated better but I felt too emotional to “start” something so I just ended up cooking for myself. He did some cleaning in the house but only for his own stuff and left my clothes and dishes, even though Ive been doing everything for so many months.

I am confused whether it’s me who isn’t feminine enough to make him step into his masculine role. I’ve tried stepping back before and I think it only made him step back too. I worry that I’m approaching this all wrong. Would appreciate any insight here.