I divorced 11 years ago. I coped through writing. My ex and I have a good working relationship now, but I was pretty bitter then. This is a true/humorous story. I really did buy a bread machine.

Not long after my divorce, I bought a bread machine. I named it after my ex wife. To avoid confusion, I had to explain how the two are different. Here’s what I came up with:

1)      My bread machine doesn’t think I am an ATM.

2)      My bread machine is happy with what I give it and doesn’t always ask for more.

3)      My bread machine makes dough.

4)      My bread machine is low maintenance.

5)      My bread machine has a better sense of humor.

6)      My bread machine is the same size it was the day I brought it home.

7)      My bread machine is capable of heating up and getting turned on.

8)      My bread machine doesn’t need any other electrical appliances to get turned on.

9)      When my bread machine makes noise, it’s because it’s doing something useful.

10)  My bread machine adds warmth to the home when it functions.

11)  My bread machine likes yeast and doesn’t use it as an excuse for why it can’t operate correctly.