I have had so much bad experience with this. It had made me extremely insecure. They were days when i did not pursue people who were attracted to me because i thought my "mate value" was too low for them. I also began to have anxiety at the thought of having to date someone i was not attracted to, since i told myself i asked myself my "mate value".

I come from a somewhat well off family in my country and there was this girl who came from one of the really poor parts and clearly wanted to take advantage of me. When i first told her what i wanted to do with my life her first answer was "how much will you make ?" , she even asked if my dad could give her a place to work. She said it so many times she wanted an easy life and tried to use me to get one. I said no to her because i did not like the way she thought of me, however the thought fear that maybe this was what my "mate value" persisted.

For a big part of my life i had weight issues ( the worst it got was a BMI 31.6 at 14) and since high school i took to fighting them due to bullying . Since then i've had my weight go on and off until i lost it and kept it off and had taken up sports. I've had people whose weight issues far exceeded mine and who struggled with emotional eating be interested in me. These people also showed no signs of wanting to change so i had to reject them. Personally i was afraid their habits would spill into my life and would bring me back to where i was. The whole "marketplace" analogy reduces weight issues to a highly superficial dimension. However there is so much more to it than that. When i was obese i had bad habits that could potentially bad for relationship. I realised that and tried to change. Yet in the whole "marketplace" if your "mate value" is too low you are from the start assigned to a relationship that may prove toxic. I again had anxiety and thought i was overplaying my hand by rejecting these people. I wondered wether i was being too picky.

The whole "marketplace" thing also made me think i was underserving whenever someone i was attracted to showed interest in me. There was one time this girl who was above average looking and previously been in a relationship with a 39 year old millionaire took an interest in me and in my hobbies and aspirations without wanting to just taken an advantage of me . The first thought that came to my mind was how is this possible since my mate value is low. I have had similar experiences. The whole "sexual marketplace" belief somehow made me think i do not deserve to be with someone i am attracted to.

Thankfully i am in therapy, so i am improving in all these aspects. I wrote this to pretty much highlight how bad this concept can be for your mental health. I also have to admit i still try to figure out things. Such as when are my standards too high ? When am i being too picky ? and what does healthy settling look like ? What do you guys think ?