Why do most women just want to be heard and not helped?

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-11-29T19:21:48+00:00

Removed for off topic

LoverBaite · 2022-11-29T18:40:00+00:00

honestly, as a man, you should try. it does wonders to your mental health. not every problem is solvable, and it just feels good to share what's on your mind.

stay safe brother, we need to bring that 300% suicide mtf ratio down

Bats_are_cuter · 2022-11-29T18:43:17+00:00

Because either;

• they know what needs to be done, but need to feel validation from someone they trust that they're correct

• they are feeling overwhelmed and sharing can help them reveal their logical thoughts to themselves

• because girls grow sharing their feelings with one another more and so this feels important and natural to women

• because they've had to mask their real feelings all day and need to feel seen for how they actually are

All just guess work mind.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-11-29T18:46:56+00:00

I have actually seen this more than men than with women; your mileage may vary.

If someone has cancer, they're probably aware they are going to have to go through chemo and they know that or at least some sort of treatment. They usually know more or less what needs to be done (what the solution is), but someone listing out the ways to have an easier time with chemo is completely ignoring the impact a cancer diagnosis has on a person.

If someone is sexually assaulted, you want to commiserate them and make sure they are emotionally and physically okay, not just launch into unprompted advice about the court process or the best kinds of pepper spray.

A solution to a problem helps long term; short term you still have to deal with the stress and strain of the bad news or difficult event.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-11-29T19:21:51+00:00

This isn't the case with men. They love venting about problems they couldn't possibly solve. Such is the human condition. I guess it's easier to recognise in others. (Also, because this is literally what I do when volunteering, I'll say this: offering solutions to someone else's problems is rarely helpful. Unless you're an expert, or think there's something they would like you to do but are uncomfortable asking, they've already thought of it and you just sound like you're not listening.)

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MASSIVE_BRAIN_DAMAGE · 2022-11-29T19:12:03+00:00

She feels bad right now & wants you to make her feel better. Also she wants you to fix it so she doesn't feel bad later, without you boring her with the details of how. It's quite simple really.

Any-Bottle-4910 · 2022-11-29T19:20:54+00:00

What I take from all this is yet another one-sided conversation: men should adapt to women’s communication styles and women should just keep slaying yo! You’re perfect!

MistyMaisel · 2022-11-29T19:24:36+00:00

Yeah, this is a thing for me as a woman. Here's the lowdown:

I already solved it or decided not to solve it on some level. By the time you're hearing about it typically, I already have a 3-5 point plan to solve it and I'm just feeling all the emotions about having this problem in the first place and or trepidation/a need for encouragement.

I decided it is a problem without an obvious solution so all you really can do is comfort me. This isn't your fault as a man you don't realize this problem is without a solution. Usually, you're missing all the information, your brain doesn't recognize all the social nuances at play, and you naturally assume every problem has a solution. Some do. Some don't. The ones that don't just suck and hurt and you sometimes want to cry on your man about it like a child crying about how unfair and miserable life is.

And you can always ask like Ben Shapiro does: Is this a solution moment or a listening petting your hair moment?

+++
My theory as to where this comes from is men being away hunting for days on end or at war. Women encountered many problems while he was away and found them upsetting, but it's not like he's around to help. But, when he returns, you naturally give him the update on what happened and/or may still be a progressively bad situation. You aren't really looking for his help because the problem is done and dusted, but the emotional pain was bottled up until your support returned because you can't really let that weakness out right away typically. And the ones that are still going are typically the kind you're praying to trees to fix because otherwise, you would have solved them.

+++

I think men do this too a lot actually provided they're socially and emotionally well-adjusted. I think women are just more likely to be those things. But, with that said, Yeah, I think learning to just ask for a hug or a good weep sometimes is totally cool and would probably bring you closer to your partner even if you already solved it or are in process of solving it. Just because you solved it doesn't mean the stress evaporates. It often lingers in your shoulders and back xD

Can't tell you how many times after a stressful week my man has just laid facedown with his head in my chest while I pet him and tell him how fabulous he is and how everything is going to be ok and we'll figure out his shit. He doesn't cry, but biologically speaking, that's easier for men than women. If he had tear ducts like mine, he might well be crying. It's a good stress relief even if all the problems are solved. And if they aren't sometimes just having that support and relief gives you a clear head and the energy you need to figure the problem out or implement solutions.

NiceGuyNumber4 · 2022-11-29T19:35:24+00:00

Feelings good. Accountability bad.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2022-11-29T20:01:37+00:00

If I needed advice or help, I would ask for it. But if I've had a crappy day at work, someone cut me off it traffic, if I've just had an off day, I just need to vent. You're not going to offer me a solution to other people being shitty drivers or a solution for all the tiny things that just bugged me today. And I don't need a solution for those things, because it's not an actual issue in the grand scheme of things. But those things still annoyed me and it feels good to get them off my chest. My partner doesn't expect me to find a solution for the bus being late, but he still tells me that it was an annoyance.

Title	Why do most women just want to be heard and not helped?
Author	MP8877
Upvotes	2
Comments	11
Date	November 29, 2022 6:34 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/z82104/why_do_most_women_just_want_to_be_heard_and_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-most-women-just-want-to-be-heard-and-not.1141368 https://theredarchive.com/post/1141368

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