SHORT VERSION - Full Story Below if anyone cares.

5yrs ago met and Married(1.3yrs) a (27yrs) young foreigner, US visa was about to happen for her. Left her corporate job. I took in heavy RP content and went Rambo AF. Argued many things like asking having her ask for permission to where she wants to go and a nonsexual picture on facebook that she returned likes to in the comments of strange men. Then, Told me she booked a girl’s trip with her younger sisters and she’s going next week. Responses to my disapproval as usual were met with disrespectful comments and behavior while telling me how antiquated I am(41). I said the trip or the marriage. She took the trip. I stonewalled her and divorced her through email with power a of attorney I left the last time I was in her country to visit her.

I know now that I caused some the disrespect, created a toxic environment and loss of attraction in the way I went Rambo. I argued with her, DEERED, made claims to the bible for respect, all kinds of dumb shit. There’s my regret of not giving it a chance at the right time. As I offered to get remarried after she signed the divorce. She can’t trust me to not leave her again and that whim. She can’t go through that again. But did a little shoulder dance saying she's single now..? and thanked me for leaving her, TF?

Some of my confusion of whether or not she had burning desire are gifts on special occasions she'd send through amazon that cost her quite a bit. Sex was on point, fun, pleasure, excited. But when she didn’t get her way as to going places it was an issue when it came to being submissive, I gave frame from the beginning without knowing and she would not give it up. But was I projecting that it was safe for me to have the frame? Did I give it a chance? Especially after getting herpes in US from a plate. She forgave me but it became something that she kept holding over my head. Gun to my head she didn’t have burning desire, but what do I really know about female behavior? I don't trust my instinct 100%

She’s been struggling with a debt that I left there in her name that I agreed to pay. We used the money to travel around when I was last there. It’s my red meat for all the money and time I wasted on being with her. I also put some equity into paying a plot of land and I left it her during the divorce. My hamster said "let her keep that plot, pay the debt with it by selling it or whatever but there’s more than enough equity to satisfy the debt. Not a penny more comes out of my pocket for your disrespectful ass" I know it’s hard for her financially may be close to impossible to pay the debt and keep the plot of land. She had a corporate job and now can’t find work. She works for her sister now for 2/3 of her old pay. She claims she lost the lot but 50/50 don’t believe it. I know the sister is helping her out, she’s not starving. I feel bad for her during the holidays for her financial struggle although she was partially to blame. I don’t know what owning my shit is in this situation pay it like "a man of my word" or let her sit on her mistakes and keep my money. However, her disrespectful behavior towards me just puts me off and I want her to stay in her shithole country and let her live it out. Any thoughts on paying that loan or just maybe giving her the monthly payment for Christmas?

To try and be fair I did offer to update the social media daily for my small business that takes less than 1hr a day but she claimed it was to hard to speak to me and it barely covered half the monthly payment. Too bad, can't say I didn't offer her something to help. 

----END SHORT VERSION------

THE BATMAN ORIGIN VERSION

BACKGROUND

Married a younger (27yrs) foreigner in her country, the visa was approved and only a matter of time before she was approved for travel. Got heavy into RP content and said to myself I have to change or this will end badly for me. I went Rambo! She put a picture with make up on not showing her wedding and engagement ring on facebook that solicited comments from unknown men; she gave them likes I demanded she needed to delete all those strangers and comments. Told her I didn’t need to change mine because I’m a man and she’s a woman. I took a trip to see her and when I got back to the states, I left my wife on the grounds of taking a girl’s trip with her sister without asking me first. I told her choose: trip or our marriage, she had week and lied about going. I reluctantly pulled the trigger. Blocked her from every communication except email until she signed it. She pleaded to communicate with her over email and through family but never did I see anything that implied burning desire to me (maybe I was wrong). But she asked to get her visa papers before she tried the apology card. I believe she regrets it the divorce but will never admit it. When I got the paperwork form her she said “I hope you’re satisfied, and you learn from this” “you stabbed me in the back on May 18th by leaving that power of attorney without telling me. I told her there wasn’t a need for me to tell you anything, that was a precaution and you gave me a reason to use it. She replied “I don’t regret the girls trip and I’m no ones slave!!” I offered her a second chance and said she could not trust me again. I know deep down she believes she didn’t do anything wrong.

THIS WEEK

So finally submitted the cancelation for the visa as we are divorced and it’s just a matter of time before it gets processed. She was uncooperative about signing a letter and translating the divorce into English as expected although she was rushing me to do this. She is constantly disrespectful and recently called me names like swine and POS because she got notice to appear at the American embassy, like it’s my fault she’s being called in. I really felt the uncooperative and disrespectful behavior when she doesn’t get her way in this interaction. It solidified why subconsciously I pulled the divorced card in the first place. I just blocked her and let her know to apologize and communicate through email from now on, otherwise any process she’s on her own from now own. I will not take her disrespect and cooperate at the same time. However Yes, I still feel bad about the divorce.

I’m still very confused how she didn't respect me but we still had sex really good sex, never a time she said no. We’d use handcuffs, light bdsm, lingerie that I got her and was going to get the ass too but I actually didn’t go in on some beta shit that she was too drunk and high and I’d save it for later(probably would have saved the marriage). I truly believe she wasn’t sleeping with anyone else either. I got gifts on holidays that I know were not cheap for her. Here’s the shit that really made me think she had burning desire was that I got herpes from a plate in the US and she forgave me. I offered a divorce and she said “no we’re married” that means something. Gun to my head she didn’t have burning desire but what do I really know about female behavior? The thing though is that even now she keeps bring it up as much as she did with our arguments in the past. I think she’d always hang that over my head.

Deep down I want her to realize that a girl’s trip was wrong and that we could work things out. Most of the feeling of getting back with her I feel is more directed at my own regret now, the idea that I didn't leave room for a second chance and clear up all the “what if's” in my head. I'm probably better of according to Iron Rule #7 though. However absorbing content from Apex mindset and his conflict resolution series I see all the mistakes I made in my Rambo phase and understand that I was killing the attraction, became toxic and likely pushed her into her decision. So comes the heavier regret in the manner that I executed the divorce. I constantly think If I had game, if I tried taking the frame in a smooth way, if had the alpha mindset, ect… I also know that I gave her the frame to the relationship even though she asked me to marry but then she would not give it up because it wasn’t safe for her.

I left a debt in her name for a loan we took out to travel around the last trip I took to go she her, I had agreed to pay back but I honestly feel she should pay for it as I invested enough time and money that I’ll never get back. I left her a plot of land and put over $3.8K of $15k if she wasn’t able to liquidate it then that’s her problem. She claims she lost the land but then asked to have my lawyer draw up papers to put it in her name only. So, I think she still has it. I know it’s very difficult to pay the plot and the debt. She keeps harping for me to “pay what I owe” and I refuse, as going back on this would further put me in her frame. I know that it’s very difficult for her to pay it and I do feel bad that she’ll be financially struggling for Christmas. But to me this is her consequence for her actions and to be honest it’s my piece of red meat. However, I don’t know what owning my shit is in this situation pay it like a man of my word or let her sit on her mistakes and kept my money. Any thoughts on paying that loan or just giving her the monthly payment for Christmas?

Yes, I know I’m in here frame and there’s deeper issues here with me I’m working on it.