It's fucking frustrating. I'm just trying to literally get her the money I owe her.

One of the things that needs to happen is a QDRO for my 401k.

I'm using my half of it to help me with buying her out of the house.

She won't sign the papers. Her attorney is threatening to have our judgement set aside or a portion of it set aside but I am not entirely sure over what exactly for. It's just so damned simple...

The QDRO is literally 100% to her. I figured there wouldn't be much to argue about but good grief they find everything possible to argue about.

I really want to have her held in contempt and get the court to sign it for her. Our divorce papers are literally a court order to sign the thing. It's a very simple QDRO. My attorney is concerned that if we fight too hard it will show that the judgement is untenable and SHOULD be set aside but we haven't actually fought at all. We always come to the table but they never back down. Ex is on her second attorney. I do have a more aggressive attorney waiting in the wings but the costs associated with going to court and the risk of losing (!!!) are quite high. For example I could ask for sanctions, she's done some frivolous actions and I have emails and OFW messages indicating she's specifically doing things to make my life hard. She is forcing me to spend money on attorneys on purpose because she's mad at me. Bear in mind, she was the one cheating on me. I could ask for sanctions but she doesn't actually have the money to pay them (so in California the judge is unlikely to order such sanctions I'm told). If I ask for sanctions and I don't get them then that will just embolden her more. A day in court is probably upwards of a $30k day right? All the attorney's time to get there and all the upfront and then it's up to a judge to see if your way but what's more likely? Will they just split the baby down the middle? In this instance, the baby is perhaps the value of the house and how much I owe her for the buyout. We've got pretty good numbers in our judgement that are pretty clear but they are unhappy with it and frankly I'm not happy with it either but I agreed to it and I intend to follow through. For a while my place was being appraised at nearly $2m but now it's back down to within about $100k of what it was appraised at when we agreed on the buyout numbers.

She has fought me on every single thing, every single step of the way. We're on the cusp of renegotiating child support and I know she's going to ask for more spousal support because child support is going to go down. I'm very against that for obvious reasons. Support yourself woman. We've been divorced over a year, we've been apart for almost 4. FUCK OFF PLEASE. Our oldest has moved out, doesn't live with either of us. So the child support associated with him needs to go away.

I'm definitely getting to the point where I'm certain a court date is inevitable. Some wording her attorney used made me think that they might try to go after some of my post date of separation contributions to the 401k but those are mine - that's pretty clear and that income was already used to calculate the enormous amount of spousal and child support I already pay her.