In the book, Laura says to say 'I can't'. When I say I can't one of these things tends to happen, not always but more often than not:

  1. he doesn't buy it and gets irritated, ex: he asked why, I said I was tired, he said he was tired too.
  2. if I say I can't because I'm scared, it would make me upset, etc etc. he says he'd be disappointed if we didn't make a good decision simply because of my 'feelings'

He tends to press on and try to figure out why I can't, and tries to convince me that I actually can, and if I'm not convinced, he gets irritated with me (won't talk with me, says something negative to me).

In these situations, I don't feel 'surrendered' at all but still feel like I end up having to put my foot down (to me, opposite of surrendered, at least the opposite feeling....instead of trusting, I feel I have to put a wall up to prevent my boundaries from getting crossed).

Does anyone have any idea about what I should do or where I'm going wrong?

context: I've always loved the idea of being submissive (I know that's not exactly the same as being 'surrendered', but I do mean 'submissive'), so last year I finally started basically just living the dream in my own way that felt authentic to me, and it changed my dynamic with my husband a lot. I read Laura's book even back then but kind of did my own thing. So anyway, I would basically never say no though, and I thought if I kept being submissive this issue would work itself out....that my husband would become more protective, and wouldn't want for me to do things that tired me out or upset me. but that time never came around. will it? or will I have to set boundaries? I don't really know.