losing weight without spiraling

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-02-08T17:46:40+00:00

At 22, I weighed 270 pounds and stood 5'5". I was miserable in so many ways. I was married to a legit psychopath, had few friends, no money, and was struggling to finish my degree with no job prospects. I'd just miscarried an unwanted child and was dealing with the complicated emotions around that, all while contemplating divorce when everyone I knew was posting pictures of engagement rings, wedding photos, new homes, and ultrasounds. I just felt like I had no future. It was the darkest time in my life and I was fat.

After I left my ex, my life improved in every way. I lost over 100 pounds, learned to do my makeup, style my hair, dress cute, awkwardly flirt with men. I finished grad school and built a career. I met my husband and we started a life together. I was happy and I was fit. Even now, I struggle to dissociate the misery I experienced while fat and the joy I experienced while fit. Logically, I know that while they were related, it was more correlation than causation. Still, here I am, two months post-partum and terrified I'll never lose the weight again, that I'm just fat now.

No amount of body positivity is ever going to change the evolutionary response people have to weight. Aside from the modern social preference for fitness, it's just not natural to find someone attractive if they're visibly unhealthy. As a result, people do treat you differently when you're fat... and it sucks. Unless you're the most extroverted person on the planet, you're invisible at best. At worst, people seem to have some kind of fear that they can catch fat and avoid you.

Your question is how to deal with it. I try to remember the healthy reasons to keep fit instead of focusing on the really messed up ones I come up with in my darker moments. I'm not eating low carb because my husband will leave me and I'll be alone again (which isn't true). I'm doing it because I have three beautiful children who need their mother to be healthy and I want them to have healthy views of weight. I'm not watching my calories because I don't ever want to be the fattest person in the room again. I'm doing it because I want to feel good and confident and not constantly compare myself to other women.

It's not perfect. Being pregnant twice in two years has been hard, especially since my in-laws are heavily involved in the rodeo and cattle world, where gorgeous trophy wives dressed to the nines are the norm. I literally burst into tears at eight months at a Rodeo Hall of Fame ceremony because I felt disgusting. I don't think you can ever go from morbid obesity to average weight without issues. It does help though to list all the good and healthy reasons to watch my weight. They're also far better motivators.

Scared-Tea-8911 · 2023-02-08T18:38:18+00:00

You’ve got an awesome response, above. Ditto to everything @wife_and_mama said.

Just to chime in with some PCOS specific advice… I would try Inositol and supplements to try and balance your hormones. The brand S’moo has some that taste decent (not fantastic, but it’s a health supplement not a dessert lol). Also, a lower carb diet can help with the insulin resistance many PCOS women experience.

new_moon_solstice · 2023-02-09T13:48:45+00:00

I had bulimia for nearly 2 decades and am fully recovered. I don't even think about food other than anything as sustenance anymore when I used to obsess about it 24/7. It feels like a miracle. I woke up every day for 2 decades telling myself I wouldn't binge/purge and every single day I failed to the point I just wanted to die. Now food is just something I eat when I'm hungry.

The key for me was to start to focus on health rather than weight. I haven't weighed myself in years. I see food as nutrition rather than calories. This doesn't mean try to eat the healthiest food on the planet. Trying to eat too healthy will make it worse - don't go on diets where you eat a bunch of salad and fruit. You will NEVER be satisfied and you will binge. I eat a LOT more fat and protein, which will keep you fuller. Carbs are good fuel but they create blood sugar spikes and drops that lead to cravings. I run competitively so I need some carbs, but I still probably eat fewer carbs than the average american. As a runner, keto is too low carb for me, and again I think extreme diets lead to bingeing, but it seems to work for some people.

Exercise is also important. It sounds like you go to the gym - what are you doing at the gym? Cardio is not for "burning calories" it's for increasing your metabolism over time. Don't get stuck in the trap of the calorie counter on cardio machines. Just get your heart rate in the 120-150 range for 30-60 minutes a day and do some strength building exercises.

The calories-in/calories-out philosophy is DEAD WRONG. When I started running regularly my metabolism got much faster. Now I can not run for 6 months, eat what I want, and still not gain weight (whereas I used to obsessively count calories, ate less than I do now and weighed more than I do now). I don't know what happened, but something changed in my metabolism when I started running in my mid-30s and I can't gain weight anymore.

You should also consider finding a doctor who might help if you have metabolic issues related to PCOS. I do believe there are medications you can get on, but you need to find the right doctor!

Hot-Economy5639 · 2023-02-09T15:23:06+00:00

I have tried many diets for autoimmune issues. By far the easiest, most effective and easiest to follow has been carnivore. I know it sounds crazy but I had significant improvements in my health in just days and I dropped 20 pounds in 6 weeks. You may want to look into it many people report weight loss, mood stabilization, and many more benefits.

Miserable-Read7597 · 2023-02-08T23:09:25+00:00

Thanks for sharing this. So honest. I have definitely been there from getting fit-then becoming depressed- and then back to square one. One thing that has helped me tremendously is minimizing looking at the scale. Now, I have a scale that sends my weight to an app that tracks and graphs my progress. So I can check my “average” weight over the course of 1 week rather than daily. Something that I’ve tried is to challenge my own belief that “weight lost = success.” For me being consistent, valuing my health, and making positive steps towards having an overall better mood is my definition of progress. It can be difficult to believe at first but writing it down and recognizing my progress or little wins has been great. I find my mind can be a bully to me sometimes. So writing down my success is my way of “talking back” or challenging these thoughts. I hope this helps.

anothergoodbook · 2023-02-10T10:33:11+00:00

I got up to 225 and worked with a dietician with whom I lost 30 pounds or so. Whencovid shut everything down I lost a lot of motivation. And I just maintained for the last 3 years. Well. Excuse me, I did lose a little more over that time, like 10-15 pounds or so.

I’ve been working on losing weight again and taking a totally different approach. I’ve started treating my overeating like an addiction. There’s a book called The Naked Mind which is about alcohol but if I replace all the mentions of drinking with “overindulge” it totally describes me. It’s all about our subconscious and what we really believe about ourselves and food and it’s been a total game changer. I also started a program called BodySlims and they use that same approach. With part of that approach, I’ve set a goal and I spend time each day daydreaming about that goal - what things will I wear? What will I do? How much easier will work be and what new things can I add into my work?

How to not spiral? It’s so hard. For years I’ve done the up and down of “I just accept myself and this is just who I am” to absolutely despising the ways I look. I try to honor my body for what it is capable of and look at the things I do (workout and eat less) as things that are honoring my body. And I try to practice gratitude and realize that there’s no morality attached to the size of my body. It’s exists - it doesn’t make me good or bad.

On days/weeks where I don’t lose I can feel super discouraged and want to give up. However I have started to really focus in on the things I’ve gained even if there’s no weight loss. Like I can go up the stairs at work without losing my breath or I can easily walk for an hour (my husband said “now who is walking too fast?!”). I do weigh daily. However I have learned to look at the number as a data point. My food log is information that helps me figure out things I need to change.

I love half of Carla on YouTube. She discusses her mental health process through her weight loss. I also like the podcast we only look thin.

AutoModerator · 2023-02-08T17:12:03+00:00

Title: losing weight without spiraling

Full text: Hello! I've posted once before and I really appreciated the advice. I've taken it to heart, but my weight is still an issue. Due to childhood trauma, I've struggled with a life-long binge eating disorder. I also have PCOS so the combo has resulted in me gaining a significant amount of weight over the past 6-7 years.

I had successfully lost weight this summer but for some reason, I had a really depressive episode until about 2 weeks ago that lasted about 4-5 months. I ended up gaining the weight back and possibly additional pounds which has been super discouraging. I feel worse about my body than ever before and it's hard to not spiral into self-hate.

Despite this, I've been proactive. I go to the gym 4-5 times a week for at least an hour. I try to stay active at home via cleaning, walking my dog, etc. I am also seeing a nutritionist, a therapist, and was prescribed anti-depressants. The struggle I have is patience and how to not beat myself up since I'm at the beginning of my weight loss journey.

I'm basically wondering how other women that lost significant amounts of weight coped with their body and how others treated them as a result while successfully losing weight and not falling into depression again. I fortunately have a loving husband and family, but it still hurts to be treated as less than by coworkers, acquaintances, etc. when I'm genuinely trying to lose weight and am working with professionals to do so.

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KeyPhotojournalist96 · 2023-02-08T21:25:04+00:00

Beware eating too much seed oil. Avoiding it helps.

Latter_Ad_6840 · 2023-02-10T06:20:38+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this, I relate. In the pandemic I gained a ton of weight and my metabolism became horrible. I've been yo-yoing ever since.

This is stressful, I try to cultivate a mindset where yes, I would like to lose weight, but I am exercising because I care for my body, and for the mental clarity I get from it. You also cannot starve yourself or skip meals, it doesn't work and induces binging, it's much better to plan and eat healthy meals. Really you need to set aside time to do this.

I also see a lot of guilt, it's great that you are working on yourself but you should spend time with yourself reading, or meditating, or journaling to appreciate and love yourself because those things go hand and hand. You should accept and love yourself as you are while working on yourself for yourself, out of love for yourself.

aussiedollface2 · 2023-02-12T10:36:51+00:00

Are you on metformin for your PCOS? xo

dontlose-hope · 2023-02-13T05:39:40+00:00

What has usually worked for me is making small changes at a time. The initial weight loss process is usually hard so I wouldn't recommend waking up one day and changing your entire diet. I started with using alternatives to carby fatty foods. Replaced wheat and rice with lentils and chikpea. There is this red lentil pasta that tastes really good. Sugary foods were eaten in very small portions. I found it difficult to give up on dairy so I switched to fat free dairy.

Once my body got used to giving up on on high carbs and fat, it was easier to give up on dairy for a while. I was able to go without dairy for a few months which really helped the weight loss process.

Title	losing weight without spiraling
Author	biposting
Upvotes	8
Comments	12
Date	February 8, 2023 5:12 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/10x4vjj/losing_weight_without_spiraling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/losing-weight-without-spiraling.1151463 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151463

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