I (22F) sometimes let my father get in the way of my dating life and need advice in how to fix it.

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-02-05T13:50:24+00:00

You don't have to cut ties with your dad to move out, but if you want any hope of finding a good man, you need to distance yourself from him a bit.

I believe it's part of my purpose, as his daughter, to submit to him and respect his decisions because he has authority over me.

You're an adult. He does not get to choose your dates and his level of involvement is going to be a major red flag, as is your willingness to let him be so involved.

I also believe that, once married, this authority goes over to my husband

That's never going to happen at this rate. One day your dad will be old and you may or may not have missed your window to have a family of your own because of your unhealthy relationship. He'll die and you'll be alone. If that's not what you want, stop letting him control your life out of some misguided idea that doing so is the only way you respect him.

Start dating. Stop telling him about it. Work on a plan to move out.

2023-02-06T06:23:55+00:00

These questions really need to come with information on your cultural background. This is far more relevant to the question than anything you've mentioned.

What you're describing is so foreign to most regular young western women that our advice is going to be pretty useless.

Does anyone else feel the same? I'm tired of hearing about these bizarre situations and then learning she's actually in an arranged marriage in India, or living in some offbeat religious cult.

SmashMouthWasOk · 2023-02-05T23:24:52+00:00

Since I don’t have much experience with this I won’t fully answer your question but I will say this: a 36 year old man has nothing in common with a 19 year old who graduated high school the year before, no matter what anyone says.

He may have been a great man and you seem to have been very upset about losing him so I’ll believe that he was. Your dad did you a favor by making sure you didn’t move/uproot your life for a creep.

He should NOT decide everything for you, but that is definitely a father’s job: to make sure his daughter is making good choices

intotheconfusion · 2023-02-05T20:23:43+00:00

I agree with the other commenters. You definitely need to find a way to distance yourself from your father when it comes to your personal life (dating). I was 27 when I was finally able to. Suggestions like moving out are good, but not always practical if you financially cannot do that. A good step is trying to not disclose so much detail about your dates (that you’re even going on one) is what personally helped me the most. It may be different for you since I don’t know the exact details of your situation.

Normal_Egg_3469 · 2023-02-06T06:10:50+00:00

Sounds protective yet sabotaging. Maybe his heart is in the right place or maybe he’s afraid of you leaving him, so he denies any guy you like.

I would sit him down and ask for a thorough explanation on why no guy that you look has received his approval. Furthermore, I would ask what’s the ideal guy he would want you to be with.

It’s great he’s so protective of you and it’s great you highly respect him but there needs to be a conversation on what is good enough in his eyes, so you can progress forward in your life. You won’t stay young forever. Mother Nature waits on no one.

Best of luck.

astral1 · 2023-02-05T20:13:15+00:00

With respect, I think your father is controlling your life far too much, and you are capitulating to him. I'm sure others have said this but you have to get out from under his roof somehow. He is probably using that to leverage control over you. You can't take of everyone, even if it is in your nature. There comes a time when you have to put yourself first, and it isn't conceited or selfish.

Your dad is projecting his selfishness on to you and his overly controlling influence has taught you to be far too yielding in response to him and probably many other aspects of life. I have had this sort of problem with my Mother...

I sympathize with you and you sound like a really lovely person because you care about him, but your father obviously has way too much say in your life. Not to mention his excuses are very contrived.

Slowly begin to introduce yourself as independent of his control. Take small steps at first. Be careful in the dating world because people that are this caring get taken advantage of. So be very very selective in who you date and who you trust.

Good luck.

AutoModerator · 2023-02-05T13:03:09+00:00

Title: I (22F) sometimes let my father get in the way of my dating life and need advice in how to fix it.

Full text: For context, my family is super small. It's basically me, my dad and my grandma. My mom died when I was 13, and she wasn't a great person to begin with, so my dad and I are very close; we're buddies, father and daughter, and do a lot of things together. I still live with him (partly because I don't believe in living alone before marriage, partly because it's normal around where I live to love with your parents until you're married or finish university and get a job).

When I was 19, I met this wonderful man who introduced me to red pill content and basically offered me the life I want - get married, have his kids, be a stay at home mom. I fell in love with him hard and was so ready to drop everything and be with him; but my dad kept saying it would be the greatest disappointment of his life, that we would never be the same, and how this guy was terrible (he was 36, so there was a fairly significant age gap, though I didn't mind it; and one of the requirements was that I'd move out of the country with him). I ended up breaking things off with this man, though I loved him and spent months crying after that, because of my dad's influence over me.

Since then, I've tried to go on dates and meet other people, and my dad consistently finds things to hate about these new men or finds excuses for me not to go on dates. The only men he was okay with me seeing were the ones he thought wouldn't work out in the end, which he admitted to. I hate that my dad's actively trying to sabotage my dating life.

I believe it's part of my purpose, as his daughter, to submit to him and respect his decisions because he has authority over me. I also believe that, once married, this authority goes over to my husband - which I want it to happen, desperately, but apparently my dad doesn't.

I need advice as to how approach this topic from a RP perspective. I don't want to cut ties with him or move out. I don't want to hurt my dad because I know part of this comes from a place of love and care for me; but I won't say I understand it fully.

A man just invited me on a date to the museum and going to mass after it, and my dad said I can't go - that there'll be no one at the museum on a Sunday, that no one goes to mass on a first date, etc. And this is just one of the many issues he finds with my dates - he has called multiple times while I was on a date, found things for me to do when I was supposed to go out, etc.

I need help dealing with this because I genuinely don't know how to deal with him.

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JagWarX3 · 2023-02-06T00:16:07+00:00

Not sure what his relationship was with your mother but I feel for your dad. He lost your mother and he doesnt want to lose you. He’s doing his best to protect you from potential harm like a good father should. But it can become overbearing. It might be helpful for him to start dating as well if he’s single

Title	I (22F) sometimes let my father get in the way of my dating life and need advice in how to fix it.
Author	templilwitch
Upvotes	6
Comments	11
Date	February 5, 2023 1:03 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/10ubypr/i_22f_sometimes_let_my_father_get_in_the_way_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-22f-sometimes-let-my-father-get-in-the-way-of-my.1151880 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151880

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