What do you consider the most important things you've learned since RPW? What were the first steps you took to grow as a woman?

SunshineSundress · 2023-04-30T19:40:32+00:00

RPW taught me the strength in vulnerability, softness, and even submission. I was insufferable before I found RPW and fell victim to the mainstream belief that in order to find a good man, I had to emulate one. RPW helped me embrace my femininity and feel empowered by it instead of burdened by it.

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-04-30T14:09:58+00:00

I found RP at 24 and RPW around that time. I think one of the biggest things I got out of it, was reassurance that it was okay not to sleep around and party. I never wanted to do those things, but I had pushy friends who did. They would make fun of me for only having had one partner, but if I teased them for their one night stands, I was the jerk. In time, I realized that the one who teased me the most was clearly frustrated, because she thought she was the more attractive and fun one, but I was the one who got a good man to wait for sex, pay for dates, and eventually commit.

I'm not going to claim that a woman who parties or sleeps around always has to regret it. I just never wanted to do that, myself. I wanted to have some fun alone, but ultimately, meet a good guy, get married, have babies. RPW told me that it was okay to skip the party years, and I'm glad I had that reassurance.

RedPillDad · 2023-04-30T20:43:36+00:00

I'm actively working on becoming a soft spot for my future husband to land on, and becoming feminine, cheerful and easy to be around.

This picture you're painting is worth pursuing. It will make you happy and your future husband happy, I know it because I've lived it.

I hit the jackpot because my wife showed up that way. She's never had to struggle to 'deprogram' herself from being masculine or antagonistic. She has never wavered in her identity, her values, her devotion to family. I've rarely seen a woman return to femininity, most women seem to regard it as an inferior form of womanhood.

For the RP men, I'd love to hear what you feel women are lacking in nowadays or aren't working on.

I don't want to pick on women. Both men and women need to step up their game, and probably men more so than women. That being said, here are 3 points regarding women...

Lack of self-control - excess partying, alcohol, smoking, drug, sex and reckless spending habits all demonstrate a serious lack of self-control. If you had $10k in your pocket, how quickly would you burn through it? My wife has more self control than I do and I greatly admire that trait in her.

Lack of growth - we all make mistakes, but do you repeat the same mistake? Part of redpill is understanding reality and making appropriate adjustments. Yes, sometimes you have to kiss a frog to know what a frog really is. But if you keep kissing the same frogs, that's on you. When someone moves 10 years down a destructive path, it's not someone else's job to rescue them.

Lack of peace - you mentioned being the soft spot to land on. Some women bring so much chaos, drama and negativity into a man's world. The only reason they're tolerated is for the sex, but that tolerance soon runs out.

'What do you bring to the table' shouldn't be an offensive question. Women want a man to bring plenty to the table, why shouldn't he have a say? Fit, fun, friendly, feminine, respectful, loyal, cooperative, supportive, domestically skilled and generous in bed are all positive traits.

Vetting to find a better man is a winning move. Improving yourself to become a better woman, the kind a better man would want, is also a winning move. Look around you, how many women are making these adjustments? Your competition is playing so sloppily, so recklessly, you should have no difficulties moving far past them.

jenna_grows · 2023-04-30T21:42:07+00:00

STFU is my favourite. It’s worked wonderfully.

I almost didn’t take the advice because I was worried my boundaries would be crossed, but it’s actually been peaceful. I realise I was complaining about things that didn’t matter and I’ve incorporated it into my work life too.

Being non-combative unless absolutely necessary is something I wish I learned years ago.

RatchedAngle · 2023-04-30T17:17:08+00:00

Learning how to stop bullshitting myself.

Learning when I was using an entire conversation solely to seek validation. Learning to call myself out when I had “ulterior motives” to any sort of engagement. Learning how to be humble - truly humble and to speak honestly.

A good example is when women argue with each other and they do the whole “if you want to hate me that’s fine but I wish you love and peace.” We tell ourselves we truly believe that when we say it, but it’s often a passive aggressive remark meaning: “I’m better than you because I’m the classy one.” It’s often not meant with any genuine love or peace.

Another one is referring to people as “hon” or “babe” in arguments. It’s passive aggressive and it’s meant to demean but often framed as the opposite.

I had to learn to call myself out on that shit and stop being disingenuous with my language.

PsychoticNurse · 2023-05-01T14:00:31+00:00

Unfortunately, I didn't know about RP when I was younger. I didn't know how to vet. I knew what I wanted from a man, I just didn't know how to vet for it and set boundaries for myself. I had the mindset that you should not let a man know right away what you're looking for, and it's not good to tell him you want marriage because it'll scare him away. At one time, I thought equality was good, there's nothing wrong with me acting like the man in our relationship (making decisions, paying for things, etc). All of my friends are liberal so I thought I was the weird one with unreasonable expectations when I first became RP'd.

RP taught me that there's nothing wrong with having high standards for men, and to not tolerate a feminist man or one of these new age men who want sex but don't want to court the woman. I learned there's nothing wrong with expecting marriage and stating that up front. If he's scared away, then he did me a favor. I'm happily married now to a RP man, who is truly a man and takes care of his family. He always puts us first and I'm grateful to have him as HoH. He respects me as a woman, and understands what he must do to make me happy (without me telling him).

I'm not a man, but I think women nowadays need to work on being more feminine and submissive. They really misunderstand what submissive is, and think it means the man controls you and takes away your autonomy as a woman (which is not true). Women need to stop trying to be men and should just enjoy being a woman. Let the man be a man, let him take the lead. If he doesn't appreciate the gift of submission, then leave him and find a man who does. Women need to know there's nothing wrong with taking care of your man-cooking for him, serving him the meals, packing his lunch for work, being a listening ear for his stressors. Men have it rough out there, we need to be their safe space. Men need our feminine energy, they don't need us to act like men and be rough. Women need to see feminism for the poison that it truly is. It makes men hate us, mistreat us, disrespect us. It makes women bitter, angry and resentful.

PerspectivePure2169 · 2023-04-30T15:24:15+00:00

From the older male perspective, the pitfalls I see for young women are mostly in vetting and attitude.

We have created a culture that benefits neither young women nor young men if we follow its modern male/feminist criteria.

What we currently have is a system that proposes to elevate the female by her superseding the male. This is mostly focused on economic metrics, which may well be of benefit to employers - by keeping wages low. But it teaches women that not only can they not rely on a man - but that they shouldn't even expect that as a possibility. And that doing so is backwards and dangerous.

Simultaneously, the growth of hookup culture (or whatever you want to call easier access to sex) has reduced the one factor that formerly encouraged young men to ambition.

Now they can just sit at home underemployed and give rah rah go girl feminist platitudes to the girlfriend who maintains them like a child. And still get the sex. This has not been good for men or women.

A man should not be an expense. He should be an asset.

The solution is difficult, because you're swimming against the cultural current. But there are two key factors I can recommend:

1) Your attitude. The result of this exceptionally low bar for men is that yes, it has created a plethora of low value males. It is easy to fall into the trap that culture sets and complain that "men are trash", and act accordingly.

Complaining gets you nowhere, while putting off the very type of HVM that you wish to connect with. You attract what you project, and what you set as an expectation.

Which leads to:

2) Filtering. This has and always will be the task - and the strength - of a woman. You are going to be swamped and overwhelmed by offers from men. Most of them aren't what you want. If there is one thing to get right, this is it. As a RPW you already have a significant leg up, because you see things as they are.

Learn to study and read people. Ask advice. Look at successful older couples. Find out what makes a good man, and look inward to ensure that's what you're attracting, and that you'll be able to recognize it when you meet it. It may not be flashy or exciting.

These are good questions. Very good questions.

1987dd1987 · 2023-04-30T18:31:22+00:00

I think that for me it was realizing that Laura Doyle’s book is basically about codependency and how deeply it connected with codependent no more by melody Beattie. Adding in nonviolent communication (Marshall b Rosenberg) takes it to a whole other level.

That and realizing that all the power lies in how we frame things. And a lot of our framing of the aspects of our selves/lives comes from the values our culture and family and society imprinted on us. But once we realize that we can choose how to view ourselves and our life we become free to live authentically.

And the power of patterns. And just like becoming aware of a behavioural or thinking pattern in our life that doesn’t serve us and then changing that thing. First just being able to notice it after it has played out but then finding that split second before it happens where we are able to choose a different or better action/thought/etc. that is the difference between reacting and responding and it is a huge key to growth

Oh and that taking care of your self (mentally, physically, emotionally, boundaries, etc) is your responsibility and that it’s actually a gift to others because when you are well you have the capacity to love and serve others as the best version of you.

Direct-Ad-5394 · 2023-04-30T22:16:35+00:00

Many things. But the most important for me is how they need you to love them

tradfemme · 2023-05-01T13:51:20+00:00

For me it was just realizing how insidiously bad feminism truly was and detoxing it out of my system. Reading Suzanne Venker's books was very helpful in identifying and rooting out any remaining traces of feminist thinking I had which I hadn't recognized was feminist thinking, as feminism is so pervasive in our society today and many of us unconsciously absorb them.

ArkNemesis00 · 2023-05-02T15:55:05+00:00

I feel like my journey into TRP and RPW helped me understand how men operate. It really helped me relax more and accept the flaws of the sexes.

Things like porn use really bothered me in the past. I viewed it as cheating. Today, I feel like I get how guys see it and find it so much less threatening. I'm not saying this is the correct viewpoint or what RPW/TRP teaches. But learning about how men see the world changed what I prioritize as a woman, and I'm happier for it.

a-blank-username · 2023-04-30T13:41:30+00:00

I wish high school taught SMV as a concept in sex ed. I would have looked at relationships and dating completely differently. Its the first thing I try to impart on younger women.

Dehydrated_Jellyfish · 2023-04-30T19:12:52+00:00

Talking less as a feminine trait doesn't mean you have no opinion. It means you put your opinions into action.

AutoModerator · 2023-04-30T13:17:55+00:00

Title: What do you consider the most important things you've learned since RPW? What were the first steps you took to grow as a woman?

Full text: Hi everyone!

I really, really appreciate all the advice and discussions I've seen and participated in here. It has already helped me see things in a different light - looking at self-work as something I get to do in order to become a good future wife, rather than something I had to do. It also made me look at habits and behaviors that weren't feminine and/or healthy.

I'd love to know what were the first things you worked on when you learned about RPW. What areas needed the most work? How did you work on them? How has it changed you, as a wife/girlfriend/woman? What changes do you feel made the most impact on who you are as a person?

For the RP men, I'd love to hear what you feel women are lacking in nowadays or aren't working on. Some outside perspective could be helpful.

I personally noticed I wasn't vetting correctly - which I'm working to fix and have taken the advice I got here into consideration -, and that as a person, in my past relationship and while dating, I dumped a lot of things on the person I was talking to - my stress, issues, little day to say issues that I could definitely handle by myself. I'm actively working on becoming a soft spot for my future husband to land on, and becoming feminine, cheerful and easy to be around.

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Title	What do you consider the most important things you've learned since RPW? What were the first steps you took to grow as a woman?
Author	templilwitch
Upvotes	30
Comments	29
Date	April 30, 2023 1:17 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/133q1ac/what_do_you_consider_the_most_important_things/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-do-you-consider-the-most-important-things.1217214 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217214

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