I'm being totally railroaded it seems by HR...

UDT22 · 2013-08-09T18:28:08+00:00

I think it is worth noting that the general attitude is that women are innocent until proven guilty, and men are guilty until proven innocent. Toxic women are protected by society, and when they set their sights are set on ruining a man's life, people tend to jump onto her bandwagon, because by default she cannot be wrong and he cannot be right.

I hope things turn out okay for you... but I doubt it.

UDT22 · 2013-08-09T19:02:44+00:00

I have seen this many times at my work. A man doesn't even date the woman, and that turns out to be a problem. Within a day or two the rejected girl starts bad mouthing like no other, every woman takes her side almost by default. Sad thing is, with how our society is, HR almost by default sides with the woman/women in the matter. Because if they reprimand her, they are being sexist and unfair to women and most companies are not willing to take that rap even if it the right thing to do is side with the man in the situation.

I had a friend who worked at a Wal-Mart distribution center and a female co-worker complained that he coughed at her, and she claimed to find this harassing because he coughed around the time she walked past him. He was fired. And the explanation he got from HR and the company was the professional version of them saying they were covering their ass. On the good side of this shit incident, he filed a law suit and was able to settle out of court for wrongful termination and was given 1 years worth of salary and benefits.

I would say lawyer up dude, just in case. If you are fired due to this and all it was is an office romance, you might be able to get some protection and leverage to assure yourself your right to employment. They may be able to help, may not. But talking to one might be a help on what you can do in your work place to return things back to 'normal', considering you did nothing wrong.

From what I have seen though, moving you around is a way to create distance until they can find something, anything, to fire you for and assure you can not 'interfere' or prove yourself. Related to this incident or not.

KRosen333 · 2013-08-09T19:14:03+00:00

get a lawyer. This is called 'retaliation' and it is illegal, and def against the rules of your union if you have one.

60secs · 2013-08-09T20:03:42+00:00

Yeah, nowadays, you gotta take this stuff straight to HR instead of trying to "work it out" with the person. C.Y.A.

McFeely_Smackup · 2013-08-09T22:28:47+00:00

I've been peripherally involved in 3 different serious sexual harassment incidents in my professional life, thankfully not as a principle in any, but close enough that I've seen the machine in action.

Right now you're probably pretty confused as to why things are going the way they are. Hopefully I can offer some insight:

First thing to know is HR is not there to protect you. They're not looking to protect the accuser, to punish the accused, or anything of the kind. They are working to protect the company.
Nothing will be given to you in writing. You will receive no copies of the complaint or any resolution or mediation. Any email you send to HR will have no return receipt, and will be answered by phone call, not email. You will have no record the email was ever sent.
If the investigation finds that the accusation was unfounded, or even malicious...there will be no punishment for the false accuser. Why? because neither you or the accuser matter, it's about protecting the company. Punishing/firing someone for making false complaints has no benefit to the company.

So before you get too twisted up emotionally about this issue, you have to ask yourself what you hope to get out of it. Do you hope to be vindicated? You might be, as long as you accept that means nearly nothing. Do you hope for satisfaction? HAH! not gonna happen.

Above ANY, advice at all that I'd offer is to be sure of ONE thing. Every action you take in relation to this complaint MUST BE PREFACED by you taking a moment to think "does this help me?". Don't send angry, hurt, or even remorseful email to the accuser (or HR for that matter). Don't throw tantrums about how unfair it all is. Don't make yourself into the bad guy. That's worth repeating: Don't Make Yourself Into the Bad Guy.

2013-08-09T20:51:01+00:00

In the future, if someone is sending shitty emails about you at work, don't confront them. Go to HR and let them deal with it. This is not high school. Everyone needs to be professional.

rightsbot · 2013-08-09T18:20:16+00:00

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2013-08-09T19:06:15+00:00

Good luck dude.

VoodooIdol · 2013-08-09T21:20:42+00:00

You should've let it go at work and just filed a libel or slander suit against her - that's where you fucked up. If you persisted in communication when she wasn't answering - especially about non-work related issues, then you are in the wrong here, plain and simple.

Bohica69 · 2013-08-09T19:20:36+00:00

Here are some of the basic rules, which you have gone against, to protect yourself in the workplace:

NEVER SHIT WHERE YOU EAT. Ergo, don't date women from work. It always ends badly.
NEVER be alone with a woman from work, under any conditions or circumstances.
NEVER compliment or help a woman at work. There is no benefit to you, only downside.
NEVER socialize outside of work with women from work.

You fucked up.

Bohica69 · 2013-08-09T19:18:24+00:00

You shouldn't shit where you eat.

factorygrrrl · 2013-08-09T20:52:18+00:00

So yes, I was persistent in trying to get her talk to me, to clear this up... None of my communication was threatening - just hurt and at times, angry.

You do realize that persistence + anger CAN be perceived as threatening, I hope.

2013-08-09T19:54:48+00:00

Transfer to unpleasant work is a prohibited form of retaliation. You should seek council.

notnotnotfred · 2013-08-09T21:18:53+00:00

I soon began dating anothe girl (not from work) and co-worker sends her an email, telling her that I'm psycho and bad news. Of course, I contacted co-worker about this - felt it was totally inappropriate and not something I'd expect from her. No response.

get a copy of this, by any legal means possible, and insist that it's in your HR file regarding this case and any followup. No matter how unflattering the text of the note may be, it's an important part of you decision to contact co-worker again.

Ensure that the following are noted:

Whether co-worker made any comment about your job performance

Whether co-worker made any comment about whether and when you work(ed) together

Whether co-worker used office equipment in any way identifiable

Whether email was sent from @employersworkdomain or on company letterhead

saoran · 2013-08-09T20:44:18+00:00

I made the mistake of dating a girl from my office

You just don't do that man. You just don't. :-(

It is never ever a good idea to hook up with someone from work, ever!

carchamp1 · 2013-08-09T20:33:36+00:00

Ah ... you're a guy. You ARE the bad person.

Honestly, I would start looking for another job immediately and get the hell out of there.

Title	I'm being totally railroaded it seems by HR...
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	33
Comments	36
Date	August 9, 2013 6:19 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1k1gw6/im_being_totally_railroaded_it_seems_by_hr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/im-being-totally-railroaded-it-seems-by-hr.1166751 https://theredarchive.com/post/1166751

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