High Anxiety

So some time ago I wrote about the The Importance of Manliness which was more tactical in nature. This will be more strategic. We sometimes talk about “being her rock” – and it is true that women and kids look to us for hope when the ship hits a reef – but there is more to understanding the whole.

Most guys think about pussy and the acquisition thereof. Sure, we may think about work or career, but we know we will solve that – the famous guy line in those situation is “I will figure something out.” We know that is expected of us, because we expect it of ourselves. When one of our friends or close male relatives does not act in such a manner, we tell him: “You can act like a man!”. Note Tom Hagen’s smirk.

For women, it is different. They have to think about survival. Of themselves, ofc, and to some extent of the species. We do also, ofc, but we don’t have a choice, so we just keep on keepin’ on, without giving much thought to it, and happily compartmentalize our problems. Meanwhile, their brains are on all the time, coming up with newer and dopier things to worry about. So Jay-Z might have 99 problems, but Beyonce has 99 problems, of which at least 87 of them are entirely made-up scenarios in her head that will never happen but which she is stressing about for no logical reason whatsoever, while she analyzes each one, individually, in great detail.

The result, for Jay-Z? Well: 100 problems, Jay-Z. You now have 100 problems.

Women tend to be high anxiety, or at least higher anxiety than men are. By about double, actually, at least in terms of diagnosed anxiety disorders. Now, I recognize that anxiety is (a) something that exists, and that (b) other people have. Why? Primarily because I understand that, as a man, I never stop competing, I developed my confidence, and I consistently and assiduously work on becoming the best version of myself that I can be. My life is also settled in a lot of ways. For you young guys, yours isn’t. You are still in development. In some ways I envy you: you have so many unwritten pages.

It’s entirely normal for girls to be skittish. When I go out on a first date, they will tell me how nervous they are and then ask if I am nervous to which I will (truthfully) answer “No. Why should I be? I’m a Man.”

I also tell them to relax and I will handle everything. That is a first step to training them for obedience, which is what you want.

The Girl Who Sides Against You

Something I would observe when I was younger is this situation: maybe you are at a party and you are discussing/debating smth with another guy. Maybe things get loud, or strenuous (but not “heated”). One guy’s wife or gf will come over and side against him. At first, I thought, WTF? Why would she do that? But what I came to realize is the girl who does this is trying to calm what she sees as smth of a pre-fight situation. She hamstrings her own man because that’s the man she has influence with.

A few years ago, I was visiting a friend in DC along with a married couple. The wife in the couple had always been close with our host, who was gay - so it was a “British cigarette word” and hag situations basically they had been girlfriends since grade school, all good and well for them. The husband and I began strenuously debating some or other political issue - immigration, IIRC, and the wife looked over and asked, ”Is everything ok?” Me: ”Yes. We are just discussing something, as men do. All well, carry on.” And she went back to discussing silk flower arranging or whatever those two talked about.

The point here is that even though she has known me from our teenage years and is married to her husband, she still felt the need to see is she had to “calm the waters”, so the urge is strong.

If a gf did this to me (they understand not to), I’d say ”Don’t worry, baby, Man Talk” and then pat her on the ass and send her on her way. If she insisted, I would say something like “I am reminded that girls should be felt and not heard.” Cue: ass pat, send on way.

Street Sign Shopping

Years ago I was dating my old one-itis and we were on a jaunt to NYC. We randomly came upon a man selling novelty street signs, and, even more randomly, she was interested in buying some. Some people like Tchotchkes I guess. So I struck up a convo with him and, recognizing his accent as Slavic I asked him where he was from, which turned out to be Ukraine. This being pre-2014, I dipped in and out of Russian and built some rapport with him. I negotiated a good discount for her on the three items she wanted.

As we walked away, everyone happy with the result, she asked ”How did you do that?” Me: ”Do what?” her ”Negotiate with the guy, I just melt in those situations.” Me: ”You do know I negotiate for a living, right? Hmm. It’s lucky you’re so pretty.”

Girlfriend Brain

Your job as the man is to calm her anxiety. She WANTS you to. She WANTS to turn off her brain and to be led. By the wrist even. She wants to luxuriate in the feeling that she can relax and that Daddy will take care of everything.

Just don’t expect her to remember where you parked.

Stripper Girl

Even before the Street Sign thing occurred, I had a stripper girlfriend, who may, or may not, become the subject of an independent post. I suppose she will have to now, because: {Needle scratch} ”Stripper girlfriend? I must hear MOAR!” will likely happen.

Anyway, we has a summer fling and she went back to Texas and I stayed in NY. WE met up some months later in Florida where I had a week of conferences and she flew in for the weekend. After we had “reunion sex” and she was a happy little girl, she told me that on the plane she had been stressing about, what if this or that happens, how will she handle it? Her: ”Then I thought, ‘I’m going to see Vaz. He will take care of everything.’” She was, ofc, correct, and that put her in the mood to do what I wanted her to do, which was spread for me like butter on a hot griddle. A win for everyone.

Takeaway

Girls tend to be high anxiety. You are the counter agent for that. You want to build her trust in you to the point where she can shut off her anxiety-ridden Girl Brain when she’s with you and submit to your leadership. She will feel happy and secure and will start to associate that feeling with you, and you will reap the benefits: hot, willing girl who is happy to provide happy time for you.