LVM early red flag: Invalidation

hurhah · 2021-03-18T14:48:02+00:00

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What_u_callme · 2021-03-18T14:53:45+00:00

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hurhah · 2021-03-18T14:55:13+00:00

Ugh yeah. My ex did this with every issue we had. Anytime I was upset or disappointed, he ended up victimizing himself and somehow I always ended up apologizing. Goodness, I was so blind.

slipperyfoots · 2021-03-18T15:42:08+00:00

This is my mother to a T, and also more recently my ex boyfriend. Convinced she set me up to allow this kind of treatment from romantic partners because I'm so conditioned to it in my home life. Finally getting out of that relationship was such a struggle, now I've just got to kick out the other gaslighter in my life

BBQCoolRanchQueen · 2021-03-18T17:09:38+00:00

The whole thing about using mental illness to justify abusive behaviour is one of the most common invalidating tactics out there. If it were a woman with depression, she is vilified as used as a "crazy ex" validation for a man. If it's a man who beats his wife/gf, depression is used as a free pass.

I have (treated) depression, cptsd, and generalized anxiety disorder with a touch of agoraphobia (the latter never used to be the case, I used to be an extrovert before that marriage). I don't go around treating people like shit because of it, but my NVM ex uses my diagnoses as validation for why he cheated and left me for someone else and why he felt it necessary to beat me on a weekly basis when he could be longer hide the fact that he was abusive. His pickme mother hopped on the invalidating train saying that her son has depression and intermittent explosive disorder and can't help it, and me having my issues made me a "burden", and he wouldn't have hit me if I was "normal".

He was later diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder because his work forced him to go to therapy for harassing women at work and harassing guys with conspiracy theories. He phoned me crying asking me if I thought he was a narcissist (I have to coparent with him). Of course I told him the truth and he raged. He didn't talk to me for about 6 months and told me he got a new therapist, only to be given the same diagnosis, how they're all quacks, and how if he even does have npd, then that explains his behaviour during the marriage and divorce, and how he "can't change".

MadamLeFay · 2021-03-18T17:20:49+00:00

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Title	LVM early red flag: Invalidation
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	121
Comments	10
Date	March 18, 2021 2:50 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/m7hen9/lvm_early_red_flag_invalidation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/lvm-early-red-flag-invalidation.1190928 https://theredarchive.com/post/1190928

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