What’s the fair(er) way of splitting bills when in a relationship?

onceuponasea · 2021-02-05T14:44:02+00:00

Have you read the FDS handbook?

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-02-05T15:06:19+00:00

50/50 is almost never fair. Remember that the vast majority of domestic labor in a home is unpaid and unequal. Never combine finances with a man, period. Always have your own accounts he cannot access even if there is a mutual one for bills. You must position yourself for financial stability even in marriage, because they can end and leave you in a position of having lost years of opportunity to save, to plan for retirement, to generate SS income, all of that. I can’t tell you a magic number, but I can certainly advise you to read the financial section of the handbook and do your best to position yourself securely, and tell you to account for your domestic labor in these transactions.

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2021-02-05T15:11:10+00:00

You need to go read the handbook before posting.

punsandprose · 2021-02-05T15:16:01+00:00

90/10 for the first 1-2 years of a relationship. At this point we wouldn't even be living together because it is too dangerous physically emotionally and financially to cohabitate before then. However, the majority of all other relationship based expenses he should be covering (dates, gifts for me, food/drink, trips, etc). My 10% comes from buying an occasional small item be it small gift or card during holidays/birthdays and covering the tip on food every so often (never the bill).

After that, the relationship should be serious and long term (marriage level, they know within a year) and when we do start "our" lives together, it will probably be more 70/30 to 60/40. Maybe. (haven't found a HVM that has made it to that level with me, so this is more theory than practice on my part)

The first 2 years are about proving he is a loving, thoughtful, committed, financially secure, and generous man. Putting his money where so many LVM put their mouths. I will handle those minute expenses to be thoughtful, polite, and show that I am financially stable to not ACTUALLY need him and can leave whenever I want to.

After that, we should be on the level of cohabitation, where our finances and expenses would be largely combined (with a completely separate, possibly secret bank account for myself). But since he will most likely be making more than me (love patriarchal capitalism), he will still be covering the lions share of our expenses as far as percentage goes.

This includes all the personal things I used to mostly pay for myself such as makeup, hair, clothes, skin care, home items like home conveniences, nice blankets, candles, bath supplies etc. These things are significantly more expensive than whatever he will be using because men tend to use less expensive, less quality items in much lower quantity due to "pink tax", lack of interior design skill, and the social expectation of women to be flawless while men can use the same soap from their sink as they do their face :)

In the end, I will be financially safe and cared for, while still being an adult and partner. With the lovely feeling of being provided for, spoiled, cherished, treasured, and protected.

sassyheather · 2021-02-05T15:13:13+00:00

Me and my boyfriend are both students. We decided to go 50/50 on grocery shopping and 50/50 on rent. He pays on dates and each of us pays personal expenses (like my transport card, his gym membership, etc.). I may get downvoted but maybe read my full comment to see why I don’t understand how the “don’t split rent” part correlates to my case. We live in a country where women aren’t paid less than men. Also, he is raised to do chores and not count on a woman. I don’t see where and how in this relationship I am giving more than I am getting, ergo I don’t see why he should cover my share of the rent: to me it sounds like I would live off his back. Can someone explain to me why in such a situation I still shouldn’t split rent?

Title	What’s the fair(er) way of splitting bills when in a relationship?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	6
Date	February 5, 2021 2:36 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ld8evv/whats_the_fairer_way_of_splitting_bills_when_in_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/whats-the-fairer-way-of-splitting-bills-when-in-a.1193045 https://theredarchive.com/post/1193045

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