Refuse Mediation

lemmingsrevenge · 2020-07-19T19:09:49+00:00

Depends on the state and what you’re asking for. If you’re demanding sole physical and won’t come down then perhaps. But if your state doesn’t tell the judge what was said just that you two couldn’t agree then probably not.

Sometimes you’ve got to accept that it’s like a dog and pony show before you get in front of a judge.

4agreements · 2020-07-19T23:24:41+00:00

Be prepared to pay through your nose. If she’s on the deed, you can’t evict her. She doesn’t have to pay the bills, neither do you. You now need a really good lawyer and a lot of money. Good luck

dday_throwaway3 · 2020-07-20T13:29:07+00:00

You do not want her moving out until the divorce is finalized, for the same reasons you don't move out. Read this: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=81622

Mediation without a trial date as a backstop is a WOMBAT: waste of money, brains and time. I had two days of mediation spaced three months apart. The first mediation lasted 2 hours before my now-ex "got tired" and wanted to reschedule. Nothing was agreed to. Fast forward three months, and mediation is set 6 weeks before the trial date. We had a nine hour marathon mediation session where the end result was a completed parenting plan and marriage settlement agreement. Having a trial date set meant my now-ex had to be reasonable, or let a stranger in robes (whom she had no influence over) decide her fate.

Do a third mediation with the trial date set. If your ex is unreasonable, then your sole response is "I'll see you in court."

Bobfrom815 · 2020-07-23T00:19:52+00:00

Updated

3rd Meditation today and only lasted about 25 minutes. The mediator gave up and took some parting shots at me. I was much more comfortable today because I spoke with my lawyers office before the meeting. They advised me not to back down and not to agree with anything I wasn't comfortable with. In my state, IL, the meditator can only indicate if a decision was reached or not.

Of course this pissed my STBXW off. I'm being accused of not what's doing what's best for our daughter. Now I'm second guessing myself. This is what a controlling and narcissistic relationship does to a victim.

snapper86 · 2020-07-20T14:01:58+00:00

All I can say is good luck. We mediated once for $600 and then I received her answers to the divorce via attorney. Worst money I have ever spent.

2020-07-20T20:55:24+00:00

It really depends. It is important that you keep your cool. I've lost mine as well and when I keep my cool it goes better. In mediation though, you have to give as well. What is your goal?

My STBXW is also very controlling and is a narcissist. You can't confront that directly or emotionally because they win then. That just feeds their need honestly. You need to be cool, calm and break it down to facts. Often men are the high earner so if you're in that boat then you're likely going to pay. It's just a fact. Don't leave the house. Don't agree to more than you can afford (I haven't) and just because they say 'that's guideline and normal' doesn't mean you MUST agree to it. I am paying guideline child support but not as much spousal as the short term guidelines would be. Nor do I ever intend to and honestly if I can figure out how to get out o all the spousal support I will. It's unlikely but I will.

They will stall and stall and stall with any excuse they can so that they can control the way forward as much as possible. I don't even think mine has consulted an actual attorney yet. We had a productive session about 10 days ago and if that one didn't go well I was going to be done. I don't have a trial date set but I don't want to EVER get there because I don't think it'll be anywhere near in my favor that things appear to be right now. I am making concessions but we have both said how we want things to be (me and our children staying in the home and me buying her out) and to do that she simply must accept far less in spousal support than she is entitled too. It's for our children. I have to sacrifice too (My retirement savings essentially but the real estate does make up for that but I lose diversity).

Title	Refuse Mediation
Author	Bobfrom815
Upvotes	2
Comments	14
Date	July 19, 2020 3:40 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/htu1zc/refuse_mediation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/refuse-mediation.1196577 https://theredarchive.com/post/1196577

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